


A Collection of Old Memories

by Tandirra



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Animal Death, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Emotional Hurt, Fluff, Frigga POV, Gen, Loki POV, Mild Gore, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mjolnir-less Thor, Near Death, Platonic Relationships, Pre-Canon, Short Stories, Thor POV, dramatic irony in droves, i Cannot Stress Enough how platonic these are, listen i really love these brothers, little to no plot, young loki, young thor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-04 16:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 48,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11558934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tandirra/pseuds/Tandirra
Summary: Exactly what it sounds like. A collection of memories focusing on the two brothers. Anything from hot summer days, to time with mom, to ghost stories by the fire, to poisoning. From kids to teens to questionably immature young adults.





	1. Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summers, Thor thought, were when Asgard bloomed to its fullest. However, Loki tended to disagree with Thor’s sentiment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Age: Early Teens

Summers, Thor thought, were when Asgard bloomed to its fullest. The castle, while hot, was never unbearably so; nothing that couldn’t be solved with unstrung clothes and sheetless sleep. The warmth roused Asgard’s marketplaces and only further enhanced the refreshing sweetness of juices squeezed fresh from the burgeoning gardens under Frigga’s care. And in the cliffs and forests surrounding the city, the land hummed with life. Truly, Asgard only glittered brighter in its summer months.

However, Loki tended to disagree with Thor’s sentiment. Thor rarely saw his younger brother outside at all while the sun shone bright overhead. Loki had never been one for summer’s warmth. One of Thor’s earliest memories was of his brother, barely able to stand on two legs, ruining a prospective trip to the marketplaces; wailing so fiercely and so intently that they had been forced to retreat back inside the palace to their cool nursery.

 _“Perhaps it's the heat,”_ he remembered mother saying as she clutched Loki close to her chest, his wails having subsided to sniffles. _“He doesn’t mean it against you, my sweet. We shall have ample time to go another cooler day.”_ Frigga had kissed Thor’s forehead but her words did little to dissuade his childish anger.

Now Loki never complained so loudly, though Thor knew his distaste for the heat was no less passionate. Had he wailed, though, he surely would have been kicked from his preferred library haven.

Indeed, that was where Thor found him on this day. “Brother!” Thor rushed towards Loki; who was tucked into a shaded corner, cool breeze ruffling his curled hair. Thor’s outcry earned him disapproving looks from the royal booktenders ( _royal bootlickers_  was what he called them when they weren’t around) but he ignored them. Today his brother wouldn’t lounge in what Thor thought must be the most dull place imaginable. Today they had better things to do.

Loki looked tiredly up from his book, a thick tome inscribed with runes unreadable to Thor. “Oh joy. As if the persistent buzzing of the bugs wasn’t enough, I’ve now got a big ugly one right in my face.” There was no venom behind his words and his eyes sparkled with mirth.

“Were I a bug,” Thor said, grinning. “I surely would have stung you for being so rude.” Pushing some of Loki’s many stacked tomes aside, Thor sat next to his brother, who sighed and abandoned his book. It puffed dust into the air which caught on a sunbeam and glittered like tiny diamonds.

“And what,” Loki cocked his head. “Have you come to bother me about today?”

Throwing a hand out towards the sparkling blue sky just out the windows, Thor waggled his eyebrows. “Have you even cast your gaze to this magnificent day? There is no better weather for a hike!”

“A _hike_.” Loki sounded incredulous. “Surely you jest.” Not a question. Loki knew full well Thor didn’t. He already sounded resigned.

Rising, Thor pulled Loki up with little resistance. “Nay. I know a fine spring only a few hours out. Should we leave now, we could bring lunch and have a proper picnic.”

At the prospect of the spring, Loki perked up slightly. There was no better way to escape the heat than immersing oneself in icy water fresh from the land. Though, Loki balked moments later. “What of your friends? Surely Fandral or-”

“I don’t want to go with _Fandral_ , Loki. I want to go with _you_.” He’d spent precious little time with his younger brother as of late. Loki’s battle training had only just begun and it ate away at their time together in a way Thor didn’t much care for.

He saw blush rise in Loki’s pale cheeks and his lips twitch up. “I suppose… as long as we have returned by supper. Mother will flay us should we-” Loki didn’t get to finish his hesitant agreement as Thor pulled him from the library in a sprint. Books scattered behind them and Thor heard the bootlickers cry out but none could stop them.

It took them little time to pack. Loki’s quick fingers and quicker tongue scored them a fine meal from the kitchen chefs. And it took them even less time to rush through the city, ignoring startled cries of slower moving mounts and their riders. They left their horses to graze in a shady field and stared up at the mountaintop that rose high above them. Again, Loki seemed apprehensive.

“Thor… this may be foolhardy. I can already feel my legs cramping from Alfi’s blows this morning. Maybe--”

Scoffing, Thor grinned. “Nothing to relax sore muscles like more exertion.” He saw Loki roll his eyes, sweat beaded on his dark brow even now. “Should thy legs betray you, I can always carry you to our destination.”

Though Loki was nearly his height now Thor remained convinced he could still tote his stick of a younger brother just as he once had. Apparently Loki thought otherwise as he swiftly glared at Thor and jogged ahead. “You’re delusional.” Thor bounded to catch up, ruffling Loki hair as he passed and eliciting an offended growl. “By the Norns, why am I tormented so?” He beamed back at his brother as he pulled ahead and watched Loki get whipped in the face by a thin branch that Thor had pushed aside.

“Ha!” Thor snorted and continued. He heard the “ _snap_ ” of the branch breaking and moments later felt it bounce off his back. Grinning, he dislodged a rock from under his foot and kicked it back at Loki before clambering up and out of range of retaliation.

Much as Thor wished to prise all of Loki’s thoughts from his head, it’d been far too long since they’d sat and talked, their hike descended mostly to silence. They stopped often, drinking deeply from their waterskins as the sun seemed to sap water from their bodies swifter than they could replenish themselves. Thor could feel sweat sliding down the back of his thighs in sticky rivulets and could feel his face covered in a sheen of the stuff. After some silent deliberation he paused long enough to slip off his shirt and tuck it into his pack. Barely a breeze rose to cool his skin. And when the sweat dried it left a tacky feeling across his back. He had, perhaps, underestimated the heat. It seeped into his weary muscles and caught his breath wet in his lungs. Their uphill climb did nothing to help, as they rose closer towards the light Thor only felt it press harder down upon him.

Loki was a steady pant behind him. Occasionally Thor would glance back to watch him heft himself up a particularly steep rock or duck under the meager shade afforded to them by the hardy and scraggly trees that clung to the steep rockface. Eventually, after what felt like an age and a half, the steep rocks gave way to tough, short grass, clinging to an incline that was not so unmanageable and the trees began to rise high and spread their branches thick with needles.

Wishing for a moment of celebration, Thor turned to exchange a triumphant look with Loki. But he was not there. For a split second he expected Loki to pop out from behind one of the trees, glaring at him, demanding to know why he’d stopped. But when that did not happen, he spotted a tuft of raven-dark hair a good thirty paces downhill. Dropping his pack, Thor skidded down the path, paying no heed to how rocks stung and tore at his palms or how the grass stained his trousers. "Loki!"

His brother sat, leaned up in the meager shade of a young oak. As Thor approached, panic in his throat, Loki laughed weakly. “You are… the _worst_ brother.” Though he flashed a smile, Loki’s lips were pale. His face was pink with the beginning of a burn. "I'm fine just... just sitting," he mumbled unconvincingly. His dark hair was slick with sweat that covered him and his curls that stuck to his forehead were hot as a furnace to the touch.

 _Of course, Loki’s hair soaked in heat like nothing Thor had ever seen._ Thor fumbled for Loki’s waterskin and found it almost empty. Still, he handed it shakily to Loki, who took it and pressed it against his forehead. “Drink.” Thor insisted. He tugged at Loki’s shirt, prying it off his brother, who muttered a weak protest.

“Your fault.”

“Yes, yes. My fault.” Thor smiled encouragingly as Loki took a slow sip from his near empty waterskin. It was his fault. In his excitement to spend time with Loki he’d underestimated the effect of the unblinking heat had on his unaccustomed brother. He just wished Loki had said _something_. Had Loki not been so stubborn-- Thor knew the spring had to be close, the lush grass around them told him that much. “Stay here, brother.”

As Thor scrambled back towards the pack he had abandoned, he heard Loki murmur. “Can do…”

Thor’s heart raced. He tried to remember what he could do for heat. If he could get Loki to the spring… but too sudden a cold could do more damage. Running back to his brother Thor tore off a hunk of bread and shoved it towards Loki’s face. “Eat.”

“Mmm, no,” Loki protested firmly enough to shove away the offering. “Stomach-- I shall merely throw it up.”

Glaring up at the puffy, cursedly sparse, clouds, Thor hated them for lack of shade. If he only had that hammer father kept in the vaults. He knew tales of its weather manipulating abilities, how it could crash down rain and bring snow. If he possessed it now, he surely would have cast down so fierce a downpour Loki couldn’t help but feel better. But that hammer was not his and sitting here was doing Loki no good. “I’m a fool.”

A wheezing shook Loki’s chest and alarmed Thor until he realized it was laughter. “I-- could have told you that.” There was a vagueness about Loki’s eyes that frightened Thor. He had to do _something_.

“Come now, brother.” Resolve hardening, Thor scooped Loki up from his arms and swung his brother’s thin frame onto his back. “Hold on.” Clammy hand hooked themselves weakly around Thor’s shoulders. Thor sucked in air, Loki was heavy. Heavier than Thor had expected.

“So dram _atic_ … I can walk j-just fine.” Loki’s protests were barely audible and wholly ineffectual.

Gritting his teeth, Thor began his arduous climb. His legs cried out for mercy with every step and sweat slicked his body; more than once almost slipping Loki from his grasp. His lungs burned as he gulped for air. But the steady, yet worryingly faint beat of Loki’s heart kept him pushing ahead. And the pair of them, together, climbed.

Finally, after what felt like at least an hour of their agony, Thor came over the crest of the small, lush alcove. He let out a cry of relief and pushed past his exhaustion to slide towards the crystalline pool at its center. His first instinct was to dive headlong into it but he quashed the desire and slowly lowered Loki to the ground. His lack of complaints worried Thor but the slight rise of Loki’s chest gave Thor some reassurance.

“We’re here, brother.” As he spoke, he unlaced Loki’s boots.

Loki’s eyes were half lidded and, under the pink of his burns, he’d only grown paler. “Goodie…”

Feeling lightheaded himself, Thor first dunked his head into the spring. Cold water stung his skin and his raw palms but he gulped mouthfuls of it into his parched mouth. It filled him with sweet relief akin to the finest of Asgard’s delicacies. He gasped for air, flinging water about, and went under again. Sweat melted off him and his soaked hair stuck to his neck like a cooling mat. Finally tearing himself away from the pool, Thor returned to Loki, who had managed a half-sit to watch Thor, and pulled him along the ground until his feet dangled in the water.

Loki let out a soft moan and his eyelids fluttered. “Oh, oh…”

Though he loathed to leave Loki alone, Thor knew they needed their packs away from the snapping teeth of scavengers. “Stay here, Loki. I shall return. Don't get in yet.”

“Mmm…” Loki nodded absently as a cold breeze rolled off the water of the spring. 

Refreshed and no longer carrying Loki’s weight, his trip back to their abandoned belongings was a far shorter one. That their packs were untouched filled him with relief. Slinging both over his shoulder, Thor gnawed on a load of fresh seeded bread and allowed himself a moment of rest. Loki would be fine, he’d not lost his senses that thoroughly.

 _If he had_ \-- Thor shook away the thought. He was fine and that was all that mattered. Thor threw one last glare up at the unblinking sun that had nearly ruined his perfect day and began his scramble back up the mountain. Somewhere nearby a bird chirped, a high, piercing sound. The high pine trees were dizzying as Thor glanced upwards, imagining himself perching atop one. Pine needles cascaded down upon him as the dark bird took off into the sky.

Upon returning to their pond, Thor’s pulse quickened and his stomach turned as he didn’t immediately spot his brother’s figure. _Where--_

But then Loki surfaced from the pool, pulling hair from his face. His sharp green eyes focused on Thor. “Ah. Please tell me you’ve brought food.” Loki waded to the edge of the pool and looked expectantly up at him.

Grinning with relief, Thor ignored his thudding heart and plopped down beside Loki. He wanted to chastise Loki for ignoring his simple commands but couldn’t find the strength in him. He rummaged through their packs and pulled out a stem of green grapes. As Loki reached for them hungrily, Thor held them out of his grasp. He noted how pale Loki still looked with a pang of concern.

Loki’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, haven’t you tried to kill me enough for one day? Now you must starve me too?” Though Loki smiled, guilt raced through Thor.

“I--” _He hadn’t thought of it that way. Could Loki have truly died there?_ “I’m so sorry, brother. I had no idea that- uh!” He sputtered as Loki splashed icy water in his face and snatched the grapes from him.

“You’re lucky I don’t tell mother of this.” If there was a grudge to be held (and Thor knew there was) Loki seemed to have no interest in it outside of benignly antagonizing him.

And Thor could take a bit of deserved ribbing. Loki was alive and smiling, that was what mattered. “You wouldn’t.” He said playfully. It was the truth; should Loki let Frigga know, not only would she chastise the both of them but Loki would surely be forced into the healing chambers, a place Thor knew he despised. “But, _are_ you feeling well?”

Loki shrugged and water rolled off his thin shoulders. “I’m not dead yet.” He popped a grape in his mouth and burst it under his teeth. Thor felt juice splash his face. Loki’s nonchalance did little to calm Thor’s guilt, neither did his hands, which shook ever so slightly. Loki seemed to notice his stare and slipped his hands underwater. “It was an accident, Thor. No blame is to be held except upon the heat itself. Which I shall surely enact my grand and final revenge upon one of these days.” Mirth entered his voice. “And what proper prince hasn’t had a brush with death at least once in his life?”

Thor laughed weakly. “I suppose…” Before he could do more, Loki snatched his wrist. What had once been clammy and clumsy was now familiarly nimble and cool, despite its tremors.

“You want to make it up to me?” _He did._ “Then we keep this a secret to all. Nobody but us shall know of this.”

“Aye, that I can do.”

“Shake on it.” There was a spark of mischief in Loki’s eyes.

Thor took his outstretched hand and, in an instant, Loki heaved backwards, pulling Thor into the spring. Water shot up Thor’s nose like a burning jet and he burst to the surface sputtering as water splashed around them. “My-- my boots! You little--” As he struggled to tug off his surely ruined fine boots, ones that father had gifted him, Thor watched Loki duck underwater, giggling.

Depositing his soaked boots on the edge of the pool, Thor turned on Loki who grinned tauntingly. “ _Oh no,_ poor widdle Thorsie lost his bootsies. What a -- _aulgh_!”

Thor tackled Loki before he could say more and dunked him underwater. He felt Loki kick him in the gut hard enough to knock the air from him. _Battle training, he’d almost forgotten_. While he gasped for air, Loki pushed off him and shot across the pool. By the time Thor filled his lungs with air and got his bearings, Loki was nowhere to be found. “Coward! Come and face me!” He splashed the water and scanned his surroundings.

A rustle in the trees. Thor spun around just in time to watch Loki jump down upon him with a great splash. He emerged laughing and Thor couldn’t help but follow suit. This was better, this was what he had wanted. Loki’s giggles subsided as Thor shoved him back underwater.

The last of their vigor leaving them, they retired to the shallows and their food. As the day passed into evening they lounged on the grassy knoll, dangling their bare feet in the water. Thor could feel a growing breeze drying his hair and his trousers. And Thor questioned Loki, he wanted desperately to know how his brother fared. No longer were they inseparably bound in their training and it made Thor ache, though he knew why it had to be so.

Most of Loki’s answers were to his liking. Training was tedious and painful but a necessity; Thor noted blue-black bruises on Loki’s bare arms, no doubt trophies earned from Alfi who never forgave mistakes with anything less. Thor had sported his fair share when he began too. When Loki spoke of what mother taught him, however, his eyes gleamed and his smile grew. He sparked to life a glittering green lily that floated on his palm and Thor smiled at it, more though, at just how delighted Loki was.

Less to Thor’s liking were other answers. Listlessness rattled Loki’s ease when Thor pushed on thoughts of the future. When he asked of friends, because surely, _surely_ , Loki had made some; Loki clammed up and all the answer Thor got was that of the bugs crying in the trees above them. There was something dishearteningly melancholic about Loki that lasted until Thor made him laugh by pretending to be the hardened trainer Alfi and swiftly fell back into the pool.

Once a cool evening wind began to blow, they packed and set on the hike back. Downhill was a far easier venture, though they were sure to stop often. Thor kept careful watch on Loki, who rolled his eyes and dismissed Thor’s fretting. But, more than once, Thor saw Loki’s knees buckle and he almost toppled. Thor said nothing, he saw how Loki tried to play off the weakness by complaining about the loose stones.

Their horses were just as they left them and their ride back to the palace was swift. It had to be, as the sun dipped and their dinner neared.

After cleaning, despite his dip Thor knew he still stunk of sweat and fear, they acted at dinner as princes should. The meal was especially delicious after the exhaustion of their day and Thor savored every bite of it, relishing savory juices that ran down his throat as he tore into his steak. Thor watched Loki squirm under Frigga’s soft hands as she brushed his pink sunburned face. _“I'm fine, really mother. Twas just a bit of exposure._ ”

Later, she had remarked on the heat and Thor found himself breathless. _Did she know? She always knew._

But Loki had smiled gamely and lamented the faroff autumn months with nary a hint of an unsaid secret or a brush with fear. She had moved on, none the wiser, to their duties and training. Though Thor had noticed father watching them carefully, Huginn and Muninn fluttering around his shoulders.

After dinner Loki found Thor in his chambers. “You must get better at that.”

“At what?” He knew full well what Loki meant. Thor shifted on his bed to allow space for his brother to sit.

Loki did not sit but pursed his lips disapprovingly. “You turned near statuesque when mother mentioned the weather. Did you think she would not notice? Had I not dissuaded her she surely would have pressed you and then our promise would be forfeit.” As he strode across the room, his still pink face twisted into a frown. There was roughly masked hurt in his eyes.

Their promise, of course.

“I shall get better, for your sake. Though lying doesn’t suit me. It hangs strange on my shoulders.” He patted the bed beside him and smiled as Loki sat, crosslegged, beside him.

Loki nodded, appeased. His frown disappeared. “You _must_ be better. Because this is our _secret_ and I shan’t have you ruining that.”

Thor smiled at Loki’s assertion. “Our secret. Promise I’ll keep it safely tucked away until the Valkyries take us.”

Snorting, Loki flashed a toothy grin. “After too. Cannot have all the warriors of Valhalla knowing Hel almost claimed me from some silly heat.”

Shadows cast sharp, strange lines across Loki’s face but the candle beside Thor’s bed glowed warm in his green eyes. “Aye. What a mocking _that_ would make. Our secret, then, until death and even after.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first of probably many! These little plotless things are a great break from heavier, harder plot fics. Would love to hear feedback!


	2. Dreams or Lack Thereof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weight on the edge of Thor’s bed and a soft voice pulled him from what had been a sound slumber. Before he’d even shook off the noise of his dream he knew who spoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Age: Ten-ish

Thor sat on his father’s too big throne, his feet dangled off the edge, barely scraping the ground. All of Asgard packed in around him, blurred faces like sunlight shining through water. They cheered his name in a deafening roar that filled him with warm pride. _Yes, yes. He’d done it._ To his left, stood his mother and father. Frigga had such a joyous look on her face and Odin smiled, a rare sight that thrilled Thor perhaps more than the throne he sat upon. Through the muddled faces of the crowd, he picked out his friends and raised Odin’s spear, _his spear_ , to them. This was his day. He beamed out towards the people, _his people_ . But his joy flickered as he looked back to his left and right, then out to the crowd of faces that melted like wax into inscrutability. Their cheers rose to fever pitch even as Thor searched. _Where was--_

“Thor? Thor are you--” Weight on the edge of Thor’s bed and a soft voice pulled him from what had been a sound slumber. Before he’d even shook off the noise of his dream he knew who spoke.

“Uh… Loki, what time ‘s it?” Blinking blearily, Thor squinted into the dark of his room. Loki sat like a pale specter at the foot of his bed, practically glowing in the filtered moonlight that leaked through Thor’s closed curtains. Before Thor’s brain caught up, he swore Loki’s face warped like those of the crowd. Thor’s body moaned with protest as he propped himself on one arm. _Sleep_. He knew if he closed his eyes he’d drift off in an instant. But his younger brother had come to him and that could only mean one of two things.

A slight frown crumpled Loki’s face, which stubbornly held onto the last vestiges of plump youth. Thor wished it would stay that way forever though he knew Loki hated it. Maybe, partially because he knew Loki hated it. “I couldn’t sleep.” Loki’s voice was impossibly small.

 _Ah, that one then._ “C’mere.” Throwing himself out of bed, Thor padded across his cold stone floor, Loki in tow. He clumsily unhooked his curtains, fingers still heavy with sleep, and threw them aside, flooding the room with pale light. A cool autumn breeze wisped through Thor’s hair as he collapsed onto the balcony. “Sit.” He waited until Loki curled up next to him, cold against his still blanket warm body. “What was it this time?”

“I was,” Loki hesitated, “thinking.”

“You certainly do that a lot.” Smiling wearily, Thor wrapped an arm around Loki’s thin shoulders. He couldn’t help but poke at Loki’s plump cheeks which earned him an offended growl. “I’m starting to believe this whole ' _thinking_ ' craze of yours is damaging.”

Loki drew his knees to his chest. “You wouldn’t know.” A reassuring light shone in his eyes as he glanced up to Thor.

“Ah, struck down by my own brother.” One arm still wrapped around Loki, Thor brought his other across his chest in a gesture of mock agony. He saw the flash of white teeth as Loki briefly grinned. But Loki slipped moments later back into melancholia. Thor sighed, heart dropping, of course it wouldn’t be that easy. He wasn’t that lucky tonight. “What,” He squeezed Loki’s shoulder softly. “Was it you were thinking of?” Thor dared not hope it was something benign. It never was.

Loki went still in his grip. “I--” The words seemed stuck in his throat. “How do you think you will die, Thor?”

 _Oh._ This was a new one. Thor knew though, he’d thought of it many a time. “On a battlefield, I should hope. Something glorious so that the Valkyries shall sing praise upon me and I shall be welcomed into Valhalla with open arms.” Isn’t that what they all wanted? Why did Loki dwell so? Sometimes Thor couldn’t understand how his younger brother’s mind worked itself so diligently into a panic.

Loki didn’t sound pleased by Thor’s answer. “ _Obviously_. But how?” In his insistence he’d pulled away from Thor to meet his gaze. Emotions uncapturable swirled in his green eyes. They seemed to glimmer with unshed tears though Thor desperately hoped that his imagination merely tricked him into believing that was so. “How shall you get to those halls?”

 _How? Why would he wish to think of that?_   “I… do not know. It shall come when it comes.” Was that what had frightened Loki? Spinning worries on a death that was surely unbelievably far off. As far as Thor could manage. “Why do you speak of such things? It’s silly to wonder what we’ll never know.” Pulling Loki back beside him, Thor shook his head.

“I bet it hurts.” Loki seemed not to notice his reassurances. “It has to hurt.” There was plain fear in his voice. “And there’s so many things out there that could finish it. Knives and hammers, spears, fire, ice,” Loki was working himself into fever pitch. _Curse his quick mind_ ; when unoccupied it wound Loki into a ball of nasty, needless thoughts that Thor hadn’t quite discovered how to untangle. He quietly wished Loki had went to Frigga, she was so good with words. And then he could still be asleep. “Falling, poisons, biting teeth, whips--” A gurgle cut Loki off as he ducked his head into his knees.

But if he was still asleep, Loki would be thinking alone. Never a good thing in these hours. As Loki shivered, Thor pressed him close against his chest and heard muffled sobs. High in the sky, Thor saw the shadow of birds passing in front of the moon. “ _Hush_ or Muninn will go blabbing to father about this.” He felt Loki pause briefly and shudder. Perhaps that was not the thing to say. Thor pressed his chin to the crown of Loki’s head and Loki’s curls tickled his nose. “I would never let any of those happen. _Never_.” The faint scent of honeysuckle drifted off Loki’s curls and filled Thor’s senses.

For a long moment, Loki was silent though Thor could feel him sniffling into his chest. “You’re just one person. You can’t--”

“I _can’t_? Ha, I am, we are both of us, sons of Odin. There is nothing that escapes our grasp.”

“Except sleep.” Loki’s voice still wavered dangerously with unspilled tears but at least he no longer babbled.

Thor laughed, “and whose fault is that?”

He felt Loki sigh heavily and didn’t get the answer he’d hoped for. Another mistake, why couldn’t he be more like Frigga? She always calmed Loki perfectly. Glancing up at the sky, Thor squeezed Loki closer still. “The stars, Loki.” He lifted his chin from Loki’s head and waited for his brother to look skyward.

They regarded the nebula together, radiant in its cold beauty as it stretched beyond the Bifrost and the Void. “What about them?” Loki still seemed to chew on doubt.

“We get stars when we die. They are from us, _of us_. Do you remember the last grand funeral?” He watched Loki shake his head. Of course, Thor barely remembered it himself he’d been barely knee-high to father. But the sight of the small boat sailing on the dark sea and bursting to flames, only for those flames to twist white into the night, adding new glitters to their sky, that sight never left. It had filled him with wonder and still did. “It was for one of father’s most trusted advisers. We watched their stars rise. If I concentrate hard enough I could likely pick them out now.”

“What are they, the stars?”

Thor paused, frowning. “I dunno. But they’re beautiful and they’re real. What more do we need?” He wasn’t sure if his answer appeased Loki.

“But they’re so far off.” Obviously, it had not. Loki was ever curious. “If-- if you… _die_ before me, how am I supposed to connect to some glittering space dust? And if I--”

“I told you,” Thor growled, wrapping his other arm around Loki. “That shall not happen.”

“But--”

“No.” He saw Loki grind to a halt and snap his mouth shut. They slipped into silence until Thor felt Loki relax against him slightly. Watching the glimmering lights far above, Thor’s eyelids dipped low. In the dark, sleep called for Thor but he knew he couldn’t yet answer. “What prompted this thinking?” He chided himself for not pressing earlier. Surely that’s the first thing Frigga would have done.

Still curled against him, Loki shrugged. “I was reading… about the Di-- the Dis-folk. Do you think they are real?” The name sent icy shivers through Thor’s heart and he curled his fingers tighter around his brother’s back, feeling the silken fabric of Loki’s nightclothes bunch in his hand. No wonder Loki had been so agitated. Bor’s dread maidens were among Asgard’s darkest concoctions.

“They’re naught but myths. Bedtime stories meant to frighten. Pay them no heed.” Trying to do as he said, Thor pushed away thoughts of the Dis-folk and their bloody gaping mouths. “Where did you get such a book?” Loki went suspiciously quiet. “ _Loki_ , where?”

When Loki finally answered, it was a guilty murmur. “I snuck it from the library.”

Thor sighed, exasperated. Though the thought of the royal librarians running around in a panic, looking for their precious charge, did amuse. “If they find out they’ll forbid you from there till you’re grown.” And that was a long way off, though not long enough for Thor’s liking.

That ban seemed to frighten Loki, who tensed against him. “No! They cannot do that!”

“They can, return the book in the morning, Loki.”

Loki’s shoulders drooped. “I shall… leave it somewhere they may find it.” But his mind seemed not done. _Surely he was sleepy by now?_ Thor knew he himself was and he could feel his thoughts drifting back to his warm bed. “Brother, I’m sorry for waking you.”

“Nay, you saved me from what seemed to be an impending nightmare.” He felt Loki perk up. _Odd child_. Nightmares were another favorite topic of an all too awake Loki and the only other reason Loki would disturb his rest in these early hours.

“Really?” Loki sounded surprised, as if he’d forgotten nightmares were more than just his burden. “What was happening?”

Recalling the dream, already fading into obscurity, Thor frowned. “I was sitting on Asgard’s throne, crowds cheered for me as I took father’s crown.”

“Oh…” The disappointment in Loki’s voice was palpable. “That sounds like no nightmare.”

Searching the stars again, Thor continued to frown. “Well, it’s no… what were yours again?” He heard Loki suck in a breath.

“Cold.” His brother’s voice was distant. “So _cold_.”

Immediately Thor regretting asking Loki to recall his most recurring of nightmares. Thor told himself he was a poor brother to not already know. He squeezed Loki tighter, willing his heat to seep into his brother’s smaller, shivering body. If he had to Thor would wrangle the stars to assure Loki never felt the cold of his dreams. “No, nothing like that. But, do you want to know what made my dream a nightmare?”

Loki nodded, still seeming distant.

Ruffling his brother’s hair, Thor smiled into his curls. “You weren’t there with me.” In quick succession, Loki went still and then began to squirm until Thor released him.

“You sap.” There was a smile on his face now that brought one to Thor’s as well. Loki pressed his hands against his eyes and rose on wobbly legs. “No more. I stay around you and I’ll turn to sap too.”

Rising too, Thor swooped Loki into an embrace. “Then we shall be stuck together right proper and drive each other crazy, littlest brother.” He ignored Loki’s quiet, annoyed protests. Only when Loki began to prod at his sides did he let go. He closed the curtains behind them and gazed fondly at his soft bed. Drifting towards it in a haze, already half asleep again, Thor almost forgot of Loki. Scanning the room, he found his brother near the door. “If you wish it, you can sleep with me tonight.”

In the dark, Thor could still see Loki’s smile. “You shall simply kick me to the floor.”

“And you will steal my blankets in retaliation.”

“It’s only fair.” The door slid open soundlessly as Loki hesitated on the threshold to the dark corridor outside. “Thank you, brother.”

Wrapping his thick blanket around himself, Thor could feel sleep’s warm hands pulling downwards. “Sleep well, Loki. Forget the Dis-folk. Return that book.” The last he heard of his brother was the strained chime of his laughter as the door slid shut.

As Thor suspected, slumber did not take long to claim him as her own. He dreamt he was adrift on a sea of stars. They stuck to his hands in a galaxy of pale colors. The sea stretched out beyond the horizon with no end in sight. But he was not alone in his skiff and Thor laughed as Loki threaded pricks of light through his dark hair until it looked like the sea they sailed upon. Loki beamed as bright as the nebula that had become his hair and Thor smiled at the mess he’d made. Loki spoke with words that made no sound but Thor felt his affection nevertheless. They floated adrift on the star stuff until morning light peeked over the horizon and through Thor’s curtains and he awoke.


	3. Of Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frigga knew that the sixth day of every week was a hotly anticipated one for her eldest child. For it was when they as a family met with a selective group of Asgardian diplomats and their children.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Age: Young Kids

Frigga knew that the sixth day of every week was a hotly anticipated one for her eldest child. For it was when they as a family met with a selective group of Asgardian diplomats and their children. Though by the way Thor spoke about the time he seemed to believe the meetings were far more free than they truly were; for him they were a chance for a future king to meet his subjects. She had no desire to ruin his fun.

Especially when the time brought so little for her. As such was also a day for conversations of a more tedious vein. So, while Thor and the other children played, the adults discussed trade and matters of easy to quash rebellion. It seemed as far removed from the carefree children as could be. Most of the children, at least.

“I simply do not see continued need for Aesir troops in Vanaheim.” It was in the middle of yet another plea of Sighurdr’s that Frigga felt a tugging upon her skirt hems. She smiled, knowing who she’d find before she even glanced down.

Luminous green eyes stared back at her once she did. “Hello, Loki.” Whispering, she let one of her hands fall from her lap to meet him and felt his small hand wrap around three of her fingers. He tugged expectantly and she cocked her head. “You’re certain?” At his silent nod, she scooped him under the arms and hoisted him to her lap where he could see over the table.

“Furthermore, I --” Sighurdr ground to a halt at the sight of Loki. His eyes flickered from the child to Frigga, who smiled at him testingly. _Try me._ He cleared his throat and looked down. _Thought so._ “As I was saying…”

The prattling mundaneness of his speech was offset as Frigga ran her hands through Loki’s soft curls. She heard him hum with pleasure and he leaned into her ever so slightly. Pressing a kiss to the crown of his head, she murmured words only for him. “Do you not wish to play with the others, my sweetest?” He shook his head almost imperceptibly. “Silly one.”

Sensing eyes on her, Frigga glanced up to see the red bearded Dofri staring at her with clear disapproval. They locked eyes and Frigga drew Loki closer and felt him go still. “I do not think that it is proper conduct to allow a child to eavesdrop on this meeting.” Dofri said, in a clear challenge. _The gall._ Instead of addressing her, he turned to Odin beside her. “With all due respect, Allfather, I think it would be better for her to let him play with the other children.”

Odin did not miss a beat in his reply. “Releasing him shall make no difference. Clearly it escaped you but he has lurked amongst our feet for the last hour.” As Dofri blanched, Frigga smiled but allowed not a drop of smugness to leak into her features. “Until such time as he causes disturbance as _some_ have,” Odin stared pointedly at the rapidly flushing Dofri. “the child stays as he wishes. You may continue, Sighurdr.”

Nervously glancing between Frigga and Dofri, Sighurdr began yet again. Returning to brushing Loki’s hair, Frigga felt him squirm and looked down. There was a small smirk splitting his cheeks and a clever light about his eyes. _That was a look she knew._ Again whispering, she noticed he held something between his small hands. “Oh, and what mischief have you conjured up?” Opening his hands, Frigga caught the glint of a golden boot buckle. Upon further inspection, Frigga noted the distinct runes of Dofri’s family. “My _little magpie_ , methinks you should return that.” She glanced to the still glowering but otherwise unaware Dofri. “Perhaps next week though. Cannot appreciate what you have until you miss it.” Loki’s face practically glowed when she winked.

They slipped into silence again as the chatter continued around them. Though Loki fiddled with the boot buckle, Frigga knew he listened as intently as she. The child always slipped into places he shouldn’t be, usually dragging Thor along with to eavesdrop. But Thor was merely there for his brother, when questioned, he rarely remembered what he’d heard. Loki, on the other hand, seemed to pack himself full of knowledge with a ravenous hunger. Frigga hoped that his curiosity could be tempered when his studies officially began, but there were many things not meant for his ears, some more damaging than others.

She tried her best to keep these whispers from Loki, from Thor too. They curdled anger in her stomach as she passed servants in the hallways or overheard conversations that abruptly died upon her revealed presence. _None had seen her pregnant._ Easy to quash, as the war had consumed them utterly and there were days she never met with a soul. _Asgard’s dark son looked nothing like his parents nor his brother._ But Loki was young, barely more than a toddler, face still round with youth, and not every child looked of their parents utterly. Her own mother had hair not dissimilar to Loki’s, as had Odin’s grandmother. _He rarely spoke; was he simple?_ It took all her will not to snap at this claim. Yes, Loki was less chatty than the ever friendly Thor, but that meant _nothing_. Loki spoke when he wished, chewed on each word as if he thought of its every meaning before letting it fall from his lips. Clearly he treasured his thoughts and cared not to divulge them to those unworthy.

As far as Frigga was concerned, any who spoke such rumors were unworthy of far more that just her precious son’s thoughts. And she hoped beyond hope that, when he grew older, he’d think the same.

_She was his mother and he, her son, her child of her soul. What blood ran through his veins did not change that, nor did the thoughts of others._

But he gazed up at her now with an innocent love and she knew she needn’t worry about such things on this day. This day, he was a child who looked at the world with wonder and hope in a way that made her heart buzz with joy.

Joy that carried her through the mundanity of the rest of their meeting and afterwards. Exchanging pleasantries she quickly gathered Loki in her arms before Dofri could discover his missing belongings. Thor rushed to her and trailed her out of the grand room.

He babbled with none of the delicacy of Loki but his enthusiasm burned bright. “--and then I, uh - I wrestled Fand- I mean, the Jotun to the ground and,” his words were lost to Frigga for a few moments as she curled her fingers tighter against Loki’s back. _They were just children’s games, nothing more_. She wished, though, that she could shield both her children from such talk. It would bring only hurt. “Mama, what’d you think?” Thor tugged on her dangling hand as they entered the sprawling gardens.

Something, he’d asked her something. Smiling down at him, she chastised herself for wandering during Thor’s passionate speech. “Very exciting,” luckily her eldest’s thoughts were not hard to follow. “I should hope Fandral’s pride is not as roughed up as he.” By Thor’s bubbly laughter, she’d assumed correctly.

In her ear, she heard Loki’s quiet giggles too. Drawing to a sit upon a stone bench, she lowered Loki too the ground, where he was immediately harried by Thor. “Brother, brother did you hear what I did?” And so Thor launched again into his description, miming his triumph and scooping a stick to use as a sword.

This was where the world was right. Her two beautiful, beautiful sons; her sun and moon, laughing and smiling together in the pleasant warmth of a bright day.

At the end of Thor’s saga, Loki, who’d laid flat on the soft grass, applauded with wide eyes. “So brave! But was it Fandral or Sif that gave you the bruises?” He pointed to the purple spots dotting Thor’s arms. _(A common occurrence despite how the adults tried to break the habit)_

Thor blushed slightly. “No _-o_ , I, uh--” He mumbled and finally broke as Loki continued to smile. “It was Sif.” The heat that was in his face rose to his voice, in outrage as only a child could conjure. “I don’t even know why she plays with the boys! She--”

“Thor.” Frigga said, with stern authority. She’d noted this Sif child, a willful girl with dark hair and darker eyes who insisted upon rumbling with the boys. Beating them in their own games more often than not. Usually, Thor spoke of her glowingly but his pride seemed to get the better of him.

Ducking his head, Thor nodded. “Sorry, mother.” Beside him, Loki snickered. But Frigga couldn’t stand Thor’s scorned look for long and she sighed, beckoning them both to her arms.

They complied and she bundled them close. She breathed them in and pressed a kiss to both their foreheads. “I know you meant no harm, Thor.” His drooped shoulders perked up and his face brightened. “Oh, children…” Releasing them, she held out her hands and prepared to reach for her magic. She saw Loki’s eyes flicker with delighted recognition and watched him attempt to imitate. Moments later, Thor crowed with excitement as he too realized her intentions.

“Oh, _oh!_ Show is Sigurd striking down the greedy dragon of Vanaheim!”

Loki gave no requests, his face still crumpled in concentration as she began to work her illusions. His fingers followed hers with near perfect accuracy but no light burst forth. Frustration flickered across his face but he dropped his attempts as Thor shook his shoulders.

“Watch, watch! Here comes Sigurd--”

“I kno _www_ ,” Loki whined but didn’t take his eyes from the golden illusion. There was undiluted wonder in both of them.

Frigga wove tales until the light faded from the sky and her illusions glowed in the dusky air. Her boys, _her beautiful boys_ , settled into drowsy smiles as the hunched in the grass. When finally it was time to retire inside, they smelled of grass and sun. Their eyelids drooped heavily and she ended up carrying them both with some difficulty, Thor’s most recent growth spurt had made him quite the handful.

They sighed in her ears, pleased murmurs.

If she could capture a moment, an essence of feeling, in a jar to keep by her side each night, it would be this one. For these precious hours, none of the worries of the world existed. All that mattered were her children, warm with sleep and the sun that had set. In this moment, she could live forever.


	4. Prideful Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back hitting the hard ground, Thor gasped as the wind was knocked from him and spots danced across his vision. How-- Before he could so much as blink, Loki’s dulled knife was at his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mid-Late Teens

Back hitting the hard ground, Thor gasped as the wind was knocked from him and spots danced across his vision. _How--_ Before he could so much as blink, Loki’s dulled knife was at his throat.

“I won! I--” As Thor squinted up at his brother, haloed in the bright light of day, his mind scrambled to make sense of this. The way Loki fought, all spinning dodges and quick attack-retreats, Thor’d been unable to land a single hit. _That wasn’t right,_ that never happened, _where’d he learn such a style ?_

Struggling for air, Thor shoved Loki off as Loki’s delighted laughter rang in his ears. “I _beat_ you!” Thor stared, agape. Then he became suddenly aware of the hundred eyes upon him. Glancing around, he noted the surprised faces of the entire training field, all watching them. Watching him _lose_. Thor’s heart pounded in his ears and scrambled to his feet, he could practically feel the dirt that coated his back. Proof of his embarrassment. Beside him, Loki still crowed. “Oh, I must tell-- brother, I actually beat you!”

If Loki had noticed Thor’s glare, he didn’t look concerned.

 _How had Loki even gotten him on the ground?_ He remembered lunging forward, Loki whirling past him, then falling, twisting. _Had Loki even touched him?_ This wasn’t right, he didn’t lose like this. Anger boiled in him, _this wasn’t right._

Still the soldiers stared. Thor wished they’d turn away. Hot shame rose in his cheeks as Loki gripped him by the shoulders, still grinning. “Thor--”

He tugged away, glaring at Loki’s sudden surprise. “That wasn’t a fair fight. You- you cheated!” Thor heard himself shouting but didn’t try to stop.

Light dimmed in Loki’s eyes as he too seemed to notice their crowd. “Wha- _Thor_ ,” he laughed nervously, “how am I supposed to have cheated?” The soldiers around them murmured as Loki shrank back from his scowl.

“You didn’t fight fair!” Thor bared down on Loki, who’s smile dipped and died. “You… you fought like a _girl_ ” _It felt good to say._ Loki’s face went slack for a few seconds and Thor heard scattered laughter from the gathered crowd.

Then Loki drew himself up and matched Thor’s glare. “ _Fine_.” His voice was rough and there was something brittle about his eyes. They stared each other down, Thor’s heart thudded with adrenaline. Turning on heel, Loki stalked off the field, splitting the crowd around him without another word.

Thor watched him go, fuming. _It wasn’t his fault Loki decided to cheat._ Friends and soldiers approached him, muttering hesitant words of agreement that did nothing to calm him. After the commotion died, Thor found Sif his next sparring partner.

 _She_ was a much fairer fight. But even as they traded blows, Thor found himself consumed by his loss to Loki. He’d _never_ lost to his brother before, never. “How’d he do it?” Thor asked frustratedly, pushing away a stab that could have run him through.

After blocking his overhead swipe with a shield, Sif replied. “He moved not unlike a bird,” she hissed as he slammed the butt of his axe against her exposed ribs. “Nh-- not anything I’d seen before but…” It seemed she bit back saying more.

Her lunge narrowly avoided Thor’s legs and he scrambled a short retreat. “It wasn’t proper.” The thought of Loki’s hurt gaze made uncertainty pang through him. And for his distractions, Sif won a slash that would have relieved him of his left hand had her intentions been behind it. He saw her smile viciously. “Ah! Do--” once he regained equal balance, he continued. “You have more thoughts?”

It was her turn to hesitate and pay the price; a tackle to the dirt. When the dust settled she still seemed unsure. “I… I do not think you should’ve said what you did.”

More guilt wormed into him. _Had he spoken too harshly?_ Or did Sif say that because… “You were obviously not included in what I said. You’re different.” His words seemed to please her as she grinned.

“I know.”

“And he fought like no man!” Anger flared again, pushed on by his battle roused heart.

“No, but…” More hesitation that only inspired further doubt in Thor.

He tried to shake away Loki’s betrayed glare but it stuck firm and gnawed at his insides. “But what?” If she would just tell him perhaps he could dispel his worries.

With a sigh, Sif pried herself from under his knee. “You humiliated him.”

Thor felt his heart drop. “Ah…” _But he’d done the same,_ a thought nagged.

“He beat you for the _first time_ and you mocked him.” Sif shrugged uncomfortably. She knew the sting of mockery better than any; it had taken her years to catch up with the rest of them, though her loss now was a rare thing and she never let anyone forget it.

Thor remembered the feeling of first beating down the old trainer Alfi. The triumph that overflowed within him, how he reenacted it to Loki, younger then, thinner even than he was now. He remembered Frigga’s beam and Odin’s soft praise. It was with that confidence that he fought each battle, no matter the opponent.

Loki’s delighted laughter rang in his ears and wormed into his conscious. Staring at the dirt, Thor bit his lip. “I-- I should apologize.” He’d taken that triumphant moment away. Because he was angry at losing one fight.

“It’s _Loki_.” Thor knew what she meant. He doubted Loki would listen to his apologies, no matter how sincere.

 _But he’d hurt his younger brother_ , the thought ate away at him. That wasn’t what he had wanted, what he ever wanted. _Even if Loki_ had _cheated,_ Thor shook away the idea with little success. Standing, he sighed. “I have to try.”

Sif nodded. “Good luck.” There was little optimism in her voice.

He took a winding route through the palace, attempting to formulate a proper apology. But his mind went woefully blank. The ghost of Loki’s dying smile haunted him mercilessly and though the day was bright and warm, he felt chilled at his heart. Even if he could think of something of eloquence, his planned conversations with Loki rarely went as desired.

When he finally made it to Loki’s room, he stalled. The door was ajar and he lingered outside, running his fingers across the embossed walls.

From inside, he heard Frigga’s soft voice. “Just because you do not fight as he does doesn’t mean you were any less victorious.”

“Try telling _him_ that.” Loki’s voice was hoarse; _had he been crying?_

Thor’s heart sank even lower into his gut. New shame burned his face. Frozen by guilt, he listened to Frigga’s reassurances.

“None shall even remember his words within a fortnight. And he meant them not, you must know that.”

Loki snorted bitterly. “Of course, mother.” His rough voice was a blunt instrument to Thor’s spirit.

He’d heard Loki sound like that before but _he’d_ never been the one to cause it. _Had he?_

Frigga murmured a quiet “ _my son,_ ” and before Thor could move, she slipped from the open door and came face to face with him. Their was naked disappointment in her eyes.

“Moth--”

Shutting the door, she shushed him. “Hush, Thor.” Frigga beckoned him to walk with her and he dutifully followed. “You hurt his pride.”

Thor ducked his head. “It wasn’t my intention.”

She sighed. “Do not lie, my son, it suits you poorly.” Flinching, he said nothing. “You feel remorse now, but in the moment, you wanted to wound him and you succeeded. To what end, Thor?”

“I- I felt,” he stuttered, finding his reasoning more than flawed. “I felt as though he cheated.”

“Cheated.” Her blasé repetition was worse than any accusation.

Suddenly, Thor needed to explain. Maybe if she knew-- “He didn’t fight like how we were trained! I do not know where he could have--”

“ _I_  taught him, Thor.” _Oh_. Frigga took him tenderly by the arm. “Loki attempted to fight as you do and found few results. So I showed him another way.” Thor nodded, searching her face for something other than disappointment. At the moment he wasn’t sure he deserved much else. “Would you call me a cheater?”

“N-no! Of course not.”

She cupped a warm hand on his face. “Then do not say so of him.” There was real fondness in her gaze and her disappointed look faded slowly. “Loki is neither you nor your friends, he does not have to fight as anyone but himself. Understand?”

“Yes, mother.” Thor smiled down at her with some difficulty. “I should apologize. It was what I wished to do earlier.”

For a second, her features grew tight. “After dinner; give him some time to himself.” But she dispelled that tightness a moment later and again fondness flowed. “Now, come here. You both have grown far too big for my liking.”

Soaking in her warmth as she embraced him, Thor relented and accepted her advice. In truth, he still felt ill prepared for confronting Loki. Hopefully a few hours could calm some tensions.

Though his hopes were dashed at their meal. Loki utterly ignored Thor, choosing only to pick absently at his food with a face of carved stone. Loki’s silence wouldn’t usually be an oddity in the crowded affair that was their nightly meals, but Thor could see his tense shoulders, how he held himself apart from those around him, how he coiled in on himself like a spring ready to snap.

Thor also noticed the Allfather’s gaze stray to Loki more than usual, obviously Frigga had told him. When Odin turned to look at Thor, he ducked his head and took a thick bite of a roll to disguise his burning cheeks. This was his fault and all of them knew so.

Attempting to prompt at least an ask from Loki, Thor surreptitiously moved what he knew were Loki’s favorite dishes away from him. But nothing more than a sidelong glance was forthcoming. Loki excused himself early and left a guilty vacancy across from Thor.

 _I’m sorry_ , Thor wished he’d said as he stared at his brother’s empty seat. But it was never that easy with Loki.

Eventually Thor found the strength to tear himself away from the company of his friends and the pleasure of food and drink. Warm with mead, he again arrived at Loki’s door. When he knocked, he got no answer.

“I’m coming in.” As Thor pushed the door open he felt Loki’s deterrence spells, not a new addition but an unwelcome reminder of the distance between them, sting his fingers like biting bugs. Despite them, he pressed on. _He had to apologize and no spells could stop him._ “Loki?” All was silent.

Moonlight filtered through the fluttering curtains and Thor saw Loki silhouetted on the edge of his balcony, just out of sight. Thor approached uncertainly. “Loki, I wished to speak.”

“Does it look like the sentiment is mutual?” Loki’s voice was cold and detached but oddly fragile, as if it could shatter at a moment's notice. It made Thor wince with guilt; _Loki was so unreasonable, if he would only just listen then--_ Thor quashed the thought. This was his fault alone.

Taking a deep breath, Thor stepped out onto the balcony. “Brother--” Loki sat precariously on the railing of his balcony, one leg dangling over the drop and the other drawn to his face. Lit dimly by the stars above, his eyes seemed dull. Wind tugged at his hair like it willed him to topple over. A thrill of fear shot through Thor. “What are you doing?”

At last, Loki turned to him. His brother’s face was an unreadable mask save for the smallest of frowns. He said nothing.

Thor held back a frustrated growl. “Loki, get down.”

“Or what?” There was a definite challenge in Loki’s words but his voice still had that strange fragile edge.

“Or I shall _make_ you.” Loki’s eyebrows shot up. “Get. Down.” Maybe it was through sheer surprise but Loki listened and hopped back onto solid ground.

“Better?”

“Much.” Though Thor wished to approach his brother, to embrace him and apologize, he hung back. By the way Loki folded in on himself it looked as if he wanted nothing more than distance. It hurt Thor deeply though he knew the blame was on him. “Loki, I’m _sorry_.”

To his dismay, Loki only seemed to grow tenser, jaw clenching. “Don’t pull anything.”

Thor sighed, exasperated. He was no good at this. “I mean it.” Chewing on his lower lip, Thor regretted the drinks he’d had, they only muddled his thoughts. “I didn’t think. I… I meant not to upset.”

That was the clear wrong thing to say as Loki rolled his eyes and scoffed icily. “You’re a terrible liar.”

“Lo _ki_ , please,” Thor’s words weren’t quite a beg. “I know I hurt you and want to make it right.”

Pushing past him roughly, Loki hissed, “make it _right?_ Get out of my room.” His voice wavered dangerously like it wanted to crack.

Gritting his teeth, Thor shook his head. “If I do I’ll simply return later, asking the same.” He tried not to grin in triumph. _That always broke--_

“Then do.”

“What?”

Loki glared at motioned for the door. “Leave, come back later if you think that _helps_ ,” his voice was a brittle snarl. “Just… leave.” His viciousness drained leaving him sounding achingly tired.

“Brother…”

But Loki merely shook his head, turning away.

It hurt Thor to breath, there was a lump in his throat as he watched Loki stand stock still, _this was his fault._ Offput, he shuffled away. Once outside, the door slammed shut behind him. Sliding to the ground, Thor sat outside Loki’s door, thinking. He heard muffled sounds, something shattering, words he couldn’t quite make out. They all wormed into him. _This was his fault_ ; the statement kept repeating, ad nauseam, in his head.

When his exhausted body finally propelled him towards his chambers, he felt no better. Where his apology had gone wrong, he knew not. Perhaps no apology was proper to begin with. He remembered when he'd nearly broken Loki's leg years and years ago. The apology had flowed so easily and been accepted so readily. This felt as though it should've been no different, yet it inexplicably was.

Sleep was elusive despite how his body ached for it. Loki’s cold eyes on the balcony lingered in his mind. _Why couldn’t Loki just accept the apology?_ It made no sense. _Loki_ made no sense. The realization was a sudden and nasty one. His own brother escaped his understanding. When that had happened, he knew not.

 _But Loki would get over it_ , Thor’s mind told him firmly. Loki was stubborn but not that stubborn. They were still brothers. All would be well.


	5. The Dis-Folk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Campfire stories get spooky with the crew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Age: Early-Mid Twenties  
> Depictions of gore in this one, mostly just in story-telling form. I didn't think it was bad enough to need a major tag but let me know if you think so I can change it.

Dark pines faded high above them into the night sky. Their crackling fire poured warmth into otherwise chilly air. Thor smiled fondly at Volstagg, who poked at the boar they’d hunted as it roasted. Beside him, Sif sharpened her spear with a rhythmic grating rasp. Thor chuckled as Loki flinched at the sound.

He wasn’t the only one to notice his younger brother’s annoyance, as Fandral slid in beside Loki. “Oh, _Sif_ ,” he said, singsong, while slinging an arm around Loki’s shoulders. “Methinks you’re pestering the child.” Thor saw Loki blush red in the firelight as the group tittered. Fandral had been joking at Loki’s expense for weeks, Thor thought it might have been because Loki turned Fandral’s tipsy flirting down at dinner. That especially amused Thor knowing Loki had once admitted to fawning after Fandral years ago, though he dared not tell a soul for fear his brother would enact some especially creative revenge.

Throwing off Fandral’s arm, Loki snarled, “call me a child one more time and I’ll--”

“You’ll what? Throw a tantrum, cry for your big brother?” Fandral smirked playfully and turned to Thor. “Won’t you come _wescue_ your _widdle_ \- au-ah!” Fandral coughed on his words, looking starstruck. He gagged as what seemed to be soap bubbles burst from his throat and floated into the air. Hands flying to his mouth, Fandral’s eyebrows shot up comically. Beside him, Loki wore a self-satisfied smirk.

The soap bubbles popped on the fire and filled the air with lavender. For a moment, all was silent. Another bubble burst against the flames.

Thor busted out laughing and the rest followed as Fandral shifted from shock to outrage, filling the air with more bubbles. Even Hogun chuckled low. Raising a greased fist, Volstagg guffawed approvingly, “I daresay I like him better this way! A fine trick, Loki.”

Swiftly jumping up to avoid a pummeling, Loki grinned at their praise. “Isn’t it?” Ducking a thrown log, Loki slipped behind Thor and drug a thumb across his neck. “Who shall I enchant next…” Loki’s breath tickled Thor’s ear. “Brother?”

“Oh no you shan’t.” Grabbing Loki’s arm, Thor tugged him forward. Loki yelped as he swung close to the licking flames. “In fact,” Thor pulled Loki into a headlock despite how he squirmed. “I know one way to fell a _mighty sorcerer._ ” He raised a clawlike hand and chuckled at how Loki’s eyes bugged.

Attempting to wriggle away, Loki squeaked, “do not dare--eep!” He gasped as Thor dove for his ribs. Turning pink, Loki arched his back and grit his teeth in a clear effort to keep from giggling. Their friend’s laughter turned on them as Thor continued to tickle his brother. Loki shuddered and hissed “Th _orrrr_ ” through his teeth. Grinning triumphantly, Thor dragged his fingers lightly across the back of Loki’s neck and felt him whine before succumbing to a fit of giggles. Tears pricked at Loki’s eyes as Thor chuckled. “I _hate_ y-you,” he stammered between giggles.

“Nay!” Thor held firm against Loki’s squirms. “I am un… unlovable.”

“Unloatheable,” Loki supplied in a strained voice as he went limp in Thor’s grasp.

Relaxing, Thor nodded. “Aye, tis impossible to --uh!” Loki’s fist collided with Thor’s jaw in the same instant as his heel cracked against Thor’s shin. Nearly severing his tongue as his teeth clacked together, Thor grunted and released Loki, who fell forward, still sniffling. “That _hurt!_ ” Thor cradled his already bruised shin and heard Sif snicker beside him.

Still blushing pink, Loki nevertheless smirked. “Well yes, it was supposed to.” He flicked a wrist towards Fandral, who stopped bubbling like an overenthusiastic bath. Though Loki smiled victoriously he looked mussed, with some of his slicked back hair stuck out at an odd angle and his eyes cheeks still red. “You’re an awful brute who listens solely to violence, Thor. How else was I to free myself from your wrath?”

“Incorrect, you could've asked politely,” Thor offered with a smile.

Loki’s eyebrows shot up. “I’d sooner kiss a Jotun.” Snorting, Thor felt his jaw throb. “And I seriously doubt--”

Just beyond their circle of firelight, something snapped a branch like bone. They went instantly silent, Loki clamped his mouth shut on his words, until their was nothing but the crackling of the fire. Hand inching for his axe, Thor squinted into the darkness and rose to one knee. Something rustled on his left but the night was an impenetrable curtain. The silence was near eerie as the group held a collective breath. Another snap and a growl, low, guttural. The snarling surrounded them for an agonizing eternity of moments until, finally it vanished into the night and they were left alone with the whistling wind.

Sighing with relief, Thor felt his muscles cramping as he sat. “Norns know what that was.”

In the firelight, Loki’s green eyes seemed almost yellow. “I have some ideas.”

“Oh, here we go,” Sif said, rolling her eyes. Though she sounded not displeased as she settled into a comfortable perch.

Thumping Loki on the back, Thor grinned. “Did I not know better I’d say you summoned that specter to get us in the mood for one of your tales.” Loki merely shrugged, his eyes still glittering. “Bah, keep your mystery then and spill your story, brother.”

Loki pointed to the fire and it dyed a rich blue, casting an odd light across their faces. “The Disi-” he grinned, wolfishly as Fandral often commented, when a muted gasp rang out. “The Dis-folk.”

“We’ve all heard those tales before.” Fandral pointed out nervously.

But Loki merely continued to smile. “Not from _me_.” Thor chuckled as the group’s dubious looks relented. In the ghostly blue firelight, Loki’s pale skin was a monstrous hue only enhanced by his feral grin. He splayed out a hand towards the flames and from them rose thirteen ghastly shades, barely more than emaciated silhouettes whose eyes shone with cobalt flames.

Thor felt himself shudder and saw the emotion shared across the group.

The dread figures flickered with the fire as Loki settled into a low voice. “There is no definite beginning to the Dis-folk. Their inception is as shrouded in half truths and outright lies as any.” Loki’s teeth flashed pale in the firelight as he laughed. “But what we do know, is that they were servants to Bor, not unlike the Valkyries of old. A sisterhood of warriors so fearsome and skilled that they alone were trusted to guard Bor’s life and travel with him. And guard him they did, slicing through blood and bone of any who opposed him. Perhaps it was there,” the shades reached out with swords and whips, their blue-flame eyes narrowed. “That they _first_ tasted sweet god-blood.” Loki’s voice shuddered with either delight or distress, Thor knew not.

In the flames, the eleven silhouettes rose and grasped for their mouths. The wind seemed to moan as the figures shook and roiled. “Perchance it was through battle that they earned their gruesome hunger or maybe they simply denied it until they could no longer. But once they tasted the unholy stuff upon their tongues, they were damned. No one knows how long they filled their maws with godstuff, how many countless lives were lost to their ravenous hunger. _Ah_ , but when Bor found them, faces slick with gore and guts of his people, his fury shook the Nine Realms.”

The figures quivered as another rose, wreathed in blue flame so bright Thor had to turn away, wrathful and glorious as it was. “His finest warriors, devouring his subjects like cattle. Using their sharpest of blades to score bodies like slaughtered sows.” Loki pressed one hand against the mud beneath him, filling the air with an unsettling squelching sound that picked up on a moaning wind. "Feasting on the most depraved meats, digging their nails into still warm flesh and chewing on thick sinew with their teeth. Gnawing on bones like wolves and cracking them open to suck out the sweet marrow hidden within. Tearing apart hearts like the sweetest, softest of rolls. Relishing in the sticky, hot god-blood that ran down their throats and quenched their grotesque thirst. Plucking out--”

“ _Loki_ ,” Thor interrupted him, frowning. Across the blue flames, Volstagg looked queasy. The rest of the group breathed in shallow gasps.

Throwing up his hands, spattering mud across the fire, Loki scowled but moved on. “Fine.” The shades flickered underneath the burning one, which raised one glorious arm. “When Bor, father of the Allfather, discovered their grisly deeds, he set upon them the most agonizing of curses.” The figures writhed and shifted, even as silhouettes Thor saw their terrible teeth and claw like hands grow. “For their unnatural feast, they were afflicted with a hunger that would never cease, that could never be fed. Punished, they were stricken from life and afterlife. Cursed to an abhorrent half-life, an undeath like no other.” The fiery figure disappeared as the dread shades writhed, the wind itself seemed to hiss in spitting fury. “No longer could they feast upon the living for they were no longer among them. But neither were they Hela’s brood. They were cast out, to wander, endlessly hungry, endlessly starved, searching for any souls who escaped Hela’s halls.” Loki arched an eyebrow as the shades chased themselves around in the flames. “Their thirsts never to be quenched for Hela’s gaze is unflinching and none escape her. But they search nevertheless, waiting, dreaming of revenge and the heinous feasts they crave.”

Thor flinched as one of the shades reached for him, it's glowing blue eyes flickering venomously as if the flames possessed a vitality of their own. He heard Loki laugh beside him, clearly a bit _too_ delighted. “It is rumored, that if any Asgardian says their name they will come. And they will tear that foolhardy soul to shreds with their untouchable blades that slice skin like silk and chop bone easy as the softest flowers. They will be upon you quicker than a whisper, the only thought in your head before they rip it off is their _name_. They care not whether you be young or old, sick or hearty, they care not for their hunger is nondiscriminatory in its magnitude.” The shades coalesced into a maw of snapping jaws as the wind picked up and tore at the flames, howling through their alcove like a tortured soul.

Loki’s grin stretched wide across his face and the blue flames lit his eyes alight with ghastly euphoria. “They shall hold your still hot entrails in their mouths for a few precious moments before you fade into oblivion. Perhaps they even keep you alive to savor the taste that they covet for when you pass they cannot feed upon your soul, not when they have killed you themselves.” The shades grasped at their jaws as the wind whined around them. “Should you ever find yourself outside Hela’s halls by some unfortunate mistake of nature, they will hunt you like dogs. And when they devour you, for there is _no escape_ there, you shall be naught. For, when the Dis-folk feed upon that which they should not, their meal disappears forever. You are devoured entirely into their gaping ever hungry maws. There is no Hel, no Valhalla, no hopes for great battle or even torture for your living crimes. No hope for a waking by the Gjallarhorn. There is only Nothingness. _Utter annihilation._ ”

Across the flames, Sif clutched at her knees, blue flames enhancing the hollowness of her cheeks. Thor watched Loki carefully, soaking in his words.

The silhouettes shifted again, all snapping, razor sharp teeth and feral claws. The wind picked to a feverous howl and tore at Loki’s hair, whipping it into a tempest of ebony that glimmered in the firelight and framed his face in the void of night as his voice dropped even lower, near a whisper that carried despite the furious protests of the gale. “And after you are nothing, they attend to their searching again. Sticky with your soul’s blood but never, _never_ filled. They have wandered since a time immemorial and shall do so even after all has ended, they shall be waiting, grasping, groaning, _hungry_ beyond imagining.” Loki shuddered a sigh. “They are inescapable. They are the cursed she-warriors never to be named. They wait out of sight for your very essence to fill them, despite knowing hunger is unsateable. They have existed before you were born and shall exists long past your death. And when death takes you, long for Valhalla or Hel because should you stray they _will_ find you.”

Slowly the blue flames receded, though the shades still burned against Thor’s eyes when he closed them. The wind died away, leaving only the complete silence of the night. Beside him, Loki laughed, a delighted, almost maddeningly ecstatic sound that Thor only heard when his brother was especially proud of himself. “At least, so one version of the story goes.”

His laughter was joined weakly by Fandral first, then Sif and Volstagg. Hogun smiled tightly. Patting Loki on the back, Thor grinned. “Were you looking to bring a fine sleep tonight, brother, I daresay you failed.”

“Then I am quite glad that wasn’t my goal.” Still smiling overwide, Loki poked at the now yellow flames.

Fandral shook his head, chuckling. “Well, Loki, it seems to me that you’re smitten by them.”

Loki snorted but his grin didn’t slip. “They are lovely, aren’t they?” Thor couldn’t tell if he was joking or sincere.

Clearly bemused, Sif smiled. “You may be the oddest thing in these woods, Loki.” This brought a bit of blush to Loki’s cheeks.

Poking Loki in the ribs again, Thor teased, “perhaps you should say their name if you like them so much. See once and for all if they’re real.” Loki slapped away his hand with a dirty look.

“If I wanted to risk my head skewered on that tree, I would,” Loki laughed nervously and nodded towards a sharp pine.

But Thor’s words spurred on the rest. Volstagg retrieved his abandoned boar haunch. “Come now, you aren’t a coward, are you?” Beside Thor, Loki bit his lip.

Sif grinned. “Oh, I’d say so. It’s just a name, Loki.”

Joining in, Fandral smirked. “Yes, Loki, let’s hear it. You covet them so much you might as well address them properly.” Loki continued to fidget, face obscured by shadows. Only Hogun refrained as the three other warriors began a chant, “ _Dis-folk, Dis-folk!_ ”

Apprehension creeping to Thor’s heart, he raised his voice over them, “I do not think this is--”

“Fine!” Loki hopped up, blushing furiously. The warriors crowed their approval.

Grabbing Loki’s hand, Thor muttered to him, “you do not have to, brother.”

Loki’s gaze was furious, the yellow fire gave his eyes a strange light all their own. Taking a deep breath, he raised his chin. It seemed all air had been sucked from the world as the group simultaneously held their breaths. “Bor’s stricken she-warriors,” Loki’s voice echoed throughout the hollow. “Be you real, come to us this night, the Dis-” he stuttered and gulped, “the Disi--”

A growl from the trees silenced him.

It came again, Thor swore he heard malice behind the sound. Panic rising in his throat, Thor glanced nervously to Loki who stood stock still, eyes wide. Fandral hissed a whisper, “Loki, stop that.”

Loki glared back at Fandral. “I am not doing it,” he whispered anxiously.

“Now I know you are,” Sif muttered, though she still kept her hand on her spear. “Cut the tricks, you’ve done enough spooking. You’re just covering your cowardice that you won't speak their name.”

The growl came again, closer this time. It sounded _hungry_. Thor gulped back fear that ached within him and squeezed his grip upon his axe handle.

Loki turned to him, whining. “I’m not to blame, _Thor--_ ” He looked no less shaken than the rest of them and stood like a deer, seconds away from bolting into the night.

Nodding, Thor rose slowly and saw the others follow. When he blinked, he still saw the monstrous maws of the Dis-folk. _Had the sisterhood found them? Had Loki truly called their wrath down?_ The thought of their biting blades and untouchable skin pricked Thor’s nerves and chilled his blood to ice. “Loki, light up the woods.” _Oh Norns, he would reveal them and all would be lost. They would slice them to ribbons in seconds. He couldn’t fight against an enemy his weapons would merely pass through._ Biting his lip, Loki raised a hand but Thor stopped him. “On my say.” He glanced to the rest of the group, their eyes were wide.

Another growl, closer, _closer_.

Sif set her jaw and nodded, followed by the Warriors Three as they grabbed their weapons. Sucking in a breath, Thor turned back to Loki. Reading his weapon, he shouted “now!” The trees around them were lit with a brilliant white light that near blinded.

For the briefest of seconds, thirteen ghostly figures surrounded them, jagged teeth split in beastly smiles.

But a great, grey hulking wolf broke through their ranks and they disappeared in a trick of the unnatural light. Relief flowed through Thor momentarily and he heard someone to his left let out a broken, gasping sigh. Then the wolf leapt forward and Thor rolled away, grinning viciously. He pulled Loki down as the beast’s jaws snapped a hare’s breadth from his face.

The Warriors Three shouted in unison as the beast lunged for them. Spitting dirt from his mouth, Thor joined them. As the wolf snapped and howled, Thor felt his blood pumping in his ears. Sif fought on his right, Loki on his left. Raking into the wolf’s flank, Thor felt hot blood score across his face and tasted it upon his tongue. Remembering Loki’s tale and the figures that had _surely_ been above them, he flinched and stuttered as his grin faltered. The wolf turned on him and snapped. Thor was jerked back by a  grave cold hand and the wolf bit into nothingness where his head had been. He glanced to his savior to find Loki scowling at him, green magic dancing across his fingers. Thor gripped Loki tight and rose to his feet. Readying his bloodied axe, he pushed off the image of the figures that had been far too full of fury to be specters of his imagination.

As they fought, the wolf’s howls sounded loud into the night like a Valkyrie, or perhaps some older sisterhood of warriors lingering just out of sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the concept of the Disir and you can catch me pretending they exist in the MCU any day of the week  
> Also I would love to hear feedback on any of the short stories. What you like and such, I'm treating these as a kind of experiment to test out ways to write.


	6. Bóti

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bright red bug-creature landed unceremoniously on Loki’s thin arm without so much as a buzz. Watching it cautiously for fear of venom or biting jaws, Loki raises a hand to swat at it. But Frigga caught his wrist carefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Age: Tenish

A bright red bug-creature landed unceremoniously on Loki’s thin arm without so much as a buzz. Watching it cautiously for fear of venom or biting jaws, Loki raised a hand to swat at it. But Frigga caught his wrist carefully. “Wait, dear, it shall not hurt you.” The beetle creature scurried slowly across Loki’s arm, it sported black patterned spots across its vibrant red wings, looking more like a tiny button than a proper insect. Frigga dipped close to it, smiling. “I believe some Midgardians call them ladybugs.”

Loki squirmed as the creature’s little legs tickled his arm. “It’s _crawling_ on me.”

Laughing, light and sweet as honey, Frigga ruffled his hair. “I see that.”

“You’re _sure_ it cannot sting? These Midgardian insects are…” Loki trailed off, grimacing. He’d already watched Thor _‘deal’_ with Midgardian bees on their little vacation to the realm. He himself had dove into a _far_ too cold lake to avoid their stingers and had hid there until father had rescued the pair of them. It would have been mortifying had it not resulted in some proper attention from father. Though it had ruined his second finest pair of boots, much to Loki's chagrin.

But she merely watched it crawl across his hand. “Midgardians believe them to be good luck.” She turned her gaze on him and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “You’re blessed on this day, child.” He squirmed under her kisses as the ladybug perched on his thumb. “Of course,” she murmured into his curls, “I am blessed every day with you, sweetest.”

“ _Mother_ ,” he whined as she straightened his collar and drifted back to the hillside where she sat with father and Thor. Loki watched the bug clean itself, rubbing its little legs against its black and white head. Poking at it, Loki smiled as it crawled across the bridge of his finger. The bug huddled on his knuckle against the breeze the rippled the thick green grass of the knoll. “Worry not, little friend. I’ve got you.”

A shadow fell across them and Loki looked up to see Thor peering down at them. Thor pointed to the insect. “Can I see him?” He still had a small red welt above his left eyebrow from where one of the bees had stung him.

The vivid image of Thor crushing one of the delicate horned beetles of mother’s garden leapt to Loki’s mind and he cradled the ladybug in his friend protectively. “No.”

“What?!” Thor looked outraged as he plopped next to Loki. “Leme see, mother said they were lucky.” When Loki didn’t move, Thor swatted him roughly on the shoulder. “Show me,” he insisted. “Please,” he added after a moment’s thought.

Relenting, mostly because his shoulder throbbed, Loki held out his hands. The ladybug crawled down his index finger. “He’s _mine_ ,” Loki watched him carefully, “I named him Bóti,” he murmured quietly. Even as Thor’s eyes went wide, he snorted at Loki’s naming. Thor brushed his hand against Loki’s in an attempt to lure the Bóti over but the bug cowed away. Loki grinned proudly. “Told you.”

Thor wrinkled his nose and drew away. “Midgard has dumb bugs.”

Blushing, Loki shot back “so moronic that they manage to chase you into a lake?” He felt a rush of pleasure as it was Thor’s turn to blush.

“They chased _you_ too,” Thor snapped. He crossed his arms stubbornly. “Fine then, you can be king of Midgard and it's dumb bugs.” Still blushing, Thor bowed to him mockingly. “All hail King Loki, ruler of all gross, icky Midgard bugs.” Looking smug, Thor thumped Loki on the back of his head as he stood. “I'll visit you from Asgard sometimes, brother.” He flashed a quick, taunting smile. “Maybe.”

Glaring, Loki kicked Thor’s heels and saw him freeze mid-step. Loki scrambled up, cupping Bóti delicately in his hands. He heard Thor roar indignantly and sprinted down the hill clutching his hands close to his chest. Speeding up, wind howling past Loki’s ears and he grinned wildly. Behind him, he heard Thor’s loud crashing footsteps. His older brother might have been taller thanks to another annoying growth spurt that he never let Loki forget, but Loki was still faster.

But the grass was slick with dew and Loki began to feel his boots slip as the hill dipped steeper. Still accelerating, momentum pushing him forward, Loki realized his mistake too late. He heard Thor roar again as he tried to dig his heels into the mud, then Loki’s feet flew out from under him. He hit the ground hard enough to knock the wind from his lungs and tumbled down the hill, squeezing his eyes shut tight. A rock tore through his trousers with a mighty ‘ _RIPP_ _’_ that was nearly lost in the cacophony and scored into Loki’s leg. By the time he managed a whimper the offender was far above him.

Crashing through slick grass, Loki felt dew wet his face as he spun faster and faster down the hill. His leg stung but he focused all his panicked thoughts on protectively clutching his hands to his chest. From somewhere above him, he heard Thor cry out “Loki!” He tossed down the hill like a ragdoll, unable to slow himself or risk losing Bóti.

When, finally, he rolled to a trembling stop. Loki gasped and kneeled in the grass that stained his clothes in streaks, struggling to fill his lungs with the clear mountain air. His stomach protested the tumble and he coughed u a bit of his lunch, spitting it onto the ground with a groan as the bitter taste of bile overwhelmed his tongue. His leg stung and when he looked to it he could see the fine cloth of his trousers ripped through and the bloody scrape underneath. _He’d be throttled for that, those were his nicest slacks._ Gulping, he felt hot tears welling in his eyes but Thor skidded to a stop beside him before he could lose them.

“Are you alright?” Thor panted, hands on his knees. Loki nodded weakly, staring at the spinning ground. _He didn’t feel ‘alright’ but Thor couldn’t know that_ . Obviously Thor wasn’t convinced as he kneeled to inspect Loki’s leg. “Ouch,” he muttered sympathetically but moments later he grinned wide, showing of the gap where the last of his baby teeth had fallen out. He _hated_ the gap to pieces. “We’ll have to amputate, methinks.”

Loki giggled weakly, more at Thor’s gaptooth than his attempt at a joke. Sniffing, Loki held out his hands and opened them delicately. Bóti sat there, unmoving. A whine rose in his throat as he stared at the bug. It was so small in his hand, barely more than a raindrop of red.

Sighing, Thor muttered, “oh no.” He put a hand on Loki’s shoulder. “I’m sure he’s fine, he’s only scared.” Just as Thor spoke, the ladybug twitched and Loki let out a broken sigh of relief. Thor relaxed and smiled, “see, like I said.”

The ladybug squirmed sideways at an odd angle, it flared out one wing hidden under its vibrant red outer and Loki winced. “He’s _hurt_ ,” Loki gasped at the crumpled dark wing. “I hurt him! I--” Crouching down, Loki stared at Bóti intently as a sudden realization popped to his head. “I can heal him,” he said with determination.

Thor sounded skeptical. “Can you,” he asked with a frown.

“Yes,” Loki snapped. _He’d seen mother and the healers do it, how hard could it be?_ Bóti squirmed sideways but Loki scooped him back into his palm.

Still, Thor seemed hesitant. “We could probably get mother to fix him.”

“I can do this!” Holding his hands out just as he watched the healers do, Loki reached into his mind for his seidr. It reacted like the faintest wisp among his thoughts. Mother had promised it would get easier to find with practice; he hoped so because even this reach made sweat bead on his forehead despite the chilly wind. Taking a deep breath, Loki focused on Bóti, who crawled around his hands, limping and scuttling sideways. “I just have to…” He bit his lip, unsure. Seidr pulsed through him in a steady rhythm, beating in time with his thudding heart. He just had to think of it like the images he could conjure, that’s all. _Just like that_ , he told himself, _but real_.

“Loki…” Thor hovered over him nervously.

Swaying, Loki watched Bóti carefully. He could feel his seidr draining into the ladybug. “I can… _I can--_ I can do this. I’ll fix it.” Shivering, he resisted the urge to wipe sweat from his forehead. Bóti’s scuttling stopped and Loki let out a ragged gasp as he released what was left of his seidr, feeling it slip back into the recesses of his mind. He felt suddenly spent, as if he'd ran across the palace in a dead sprint.

Thor squinted at the ladybug. “Did you do it?”

“I… I--” Hot tears returned to his eyes and his hands wavered under them. The ladybug blurred to a blood red blob.

“Boys,” Odin’s voice rang out clear as a bell and a thousand times as powerful. They both looked up to see mother and father striding down the hill. Loki gulped and hurried to a stand, ignoring how his leg throbbed. Odin searched them quickly, pausing at Loki’s torn trousers and his clasp hands. “Have you made it your mission to ruin all the clothes we provide for you?” When Loki didn’t respond, still staring at Bóti, Odin’s single eye softened. “What have you there?” Loki offered out his hands but said nothing. He was afraid if he tried to speak he’d start to cry and he wanted anything but that in front of father.

Thor filled his silence quietly. “The ladybug-- he tried to heal it but… I dunno what went wrong.” Beside Odin, Frigga sighed softly and knelt next to Loki.

She pressed a thumb to his chin and forced him to look at her. She prodded delicately at the still body of Bóti. “Oh, darling, you tried your best.”

“But it wasn’t good enough,  _I_  wasn’t good enough,” he muttered, sniffing back tears. He heard her sigh again and felt her brush a hand against his wet cheeks.

“Do not say that,” she assured him. “Had it been a stronger creature I’m sure you could have healed it. But it was only an insect of Midgard. It's body was not built for our magics.” Pushing back some of his ruffled hair, she smiled at him.

Idea springing to his head, he held the ladybug out to her. “Could you heal him,” he asked hopefully. _Mother could work miracles with her spells, surely she--_

But Frigga shook her head, smile bittersweet. “You know that answer, Loki. The dead cannot be stirred so easy.”

He dropped his heads and hopes. Beside him even Thor sighed with disappointment. “It was my fault.”

“Loki--”

Odin put a hand on his shoulder and Loki looked up to him, hopeful again. “Yes, it was.” Odin’s words struck him like a slap and Loki blinked back more tears. _His fault. His fault. His fault._ He barely heard Odin’s next words. “You must be careful with life, Loki, Thor.” He gazed at them both, speaking as seriously as he ever did. “Midgard is a fragile realm full of fragile lives, far more so than our own. You cannot be so reckless or you risk endangering more than just the lives of little bugs. Both of you will grow into powerful warriors in your own right and in that your potential for wanton destruction shall also grow.” Beside Loki, Thor shifted uncomfortably, clearly both excited by the possibility and trying to stay properly chastised. “When the day comes that you reach such potential, think of this little bug, who’s life you thoughtlessly stole. That bug is Asgard and the lives within it.”

Mouth going dry, Loki imagined Asgard’s bustling streets empty, the wait-maid he’d only days before dropped a bucket of slop on, gone. His mind dropped him in those streets, walking the barren lanes, knowing it was his fault. He shuddered, _father knew he didn’t want that, didn’t he?_ Thor went still, “father, we…” Thor trailed off as Odin stared at him.

“You are princes of Asgard. When you grow older there will be not a thing you do that does not impact our realm, no matter how minuscule or harmless it may seem.” With both of them looking to him, Odin gave them a small, tired smile. “My sons, you are but children now and it was merely a little bug with not much time left of it. Now is no time for tears, simply a lesson to be learned. There are thousands more where it comes from. Do not fret so.” Loki frowned slightly, _but he still killed the ladybug, was father trying to say one life did not matter, or that this life did not matter for what it was?_ “Loki,” snapping his attention back, Loki hastily wiped the frown from his face. “Let mother or I look at that scrape of yours and we shall have you cleaned up. Would you like to give the bug a proper funeral?” His eye twinkled in a way Loki rarely saw, _mirth he hazarded a guess._

Glancing reluctantly down at Bóti, Loki nodded. “Yes, sir.” While Odin returned to the lake with Thor, Frigga inspected his scrape. Mulling thoughts over in his brain, Loki spoke low. “Mother,” she glanced up, “could Thor or I actually hurt Asgard? _Really_ hurt it?” He’d been thinking on father’s words, imagining Asgard smoldering like the ashes of his firepit or coated in a thick layer of ice, stagnant and terribly slow in its death. The latter made him shiver with a very real chill.

She pursed her lips for a moment. Passing a hand across his shin, her palm glowed with light and Loki felt his stinging scrape fade away. Finally, she answered him. “Your father finds ways to teach lessons out of all things and sometimes those lessons culminate in too harsh a picture. But,” again she hesitated as she rose to her feet and wiped away blades of grass collected on her skirt hems. “Yes, Loki.” Loki went cold at the grimness of her voice. “You could. Now, it may not be as dramatic as I am sure you’re imagining.” He blushed, “but destruction takes many forms; thoughtlessness as you’ve experienced today, ignorance, something your father seeks to protect you from,” Loki nodded, he thought Thor more likely to fall prey to that fault, though he’d never express that to Frigga. “Anger, a dangerous foe and precious ally in the right or wrong circumstances. There are many a things that imperil Asgard at this moment and the temperament of her ruler is chief among them.”

“But I won’t be king,” Loki reminded her, a smidge bitterly. She took his hand and they ascended the hill.

“You will be there when Thor is, nevertheless. Do not think that king is the only position so important as to endanger the people.” She smiled, a mischievous light about her eyes. “I am sure you shall have just as many opportunities to do that, knowing you.” He laughed weakly and she ran a hand through his hair. “My magpie, I believe you are capable of wondrous things. Do not let this accident today convince you otherwise. You very nearly did heal it without any instruction. That you even tried brings me some great pride.”

Her praise soaked into him like the sun and he sighed off some of his worries. “Even though I failed?”

She nodded. “I am always proud of you, Loki. And your failure may have been for the better; you must be careful with your seidr and not pour it all into small things. What would I have done had I come down that hill to see you having poured your very being into a little ladybug?”

Biting his lip, Loki furrowed his brow. “I suppose a ladybug can't be a prince of Asgard.”

“Or play tricks upon unsuspecting servants quite so effectively as you.” She prodded him lightly in the side.

Loki giggled. “Like when I turned the scullery maid's hair green?”

Her smile turned into something of a smirk as she laughed with him. “Well,” again there was mischief about her eyes. “That was a rather finely made concoction to have stuck around so long.”

“Three months!” He tallied helpfully, grinning.

“Was it really?” Still sporting half a smirk, Frigga turned to him. When he nodded enthusiastically, she sighed with amused exasperation. “I would expect nothing less from you, my son.”

The day was long and cool, the sky nearly cloudless. Bóti’s funeral was small, attended by only four people, though the esteem of the guests was something any would dream of. Laid on a leaf, the ladybug floated across the lake, lit from afar by a spell of Frigga’s, Loki watched the small green boat burn and clutched tight onto Thor beside him to fight back tears. _It was dumb, just a bug from Midgard,_ Loki reminded himself to no avail. Odin spoke a few phrases in a tongue Loki barely understood but he nodded along as if he did. Then the bug was gone, burned to nothing on the water.

And the day went on, they swam in the lake, Thor challenged and beat him in a tree climbing contest, they ate dinner under the Midgardian stars. The thought of the ladybug faded into Loki’s dreams as he curled next to mother late into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A ladybug landed on my hand at work the other day and palled around with me for like 15 minutes so I took it as a sign. Would love feedback on any of the short stories!


	7. Poison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poison really knows how to ruin a perfectly good week  
> or  
> this author likes to poke and prod at Loki to watch how other characters react

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late Teens- Early Twenties

An aristocrat's daughter smiled at Thor from across the dining hall, batting her eyelashes at his attentions. Heart jumping to his throat, Thor smiled back, leaning his elbows on the crowded table. They exchanged searching looks as he lingered on her long dark hair, unblemished olive face, and purple brushed lips. She laughed and despite the cacophony of the dining hall, Thor imagined he could hear it, something light like a bell or a bird.

"Oh, Thor," Loki's hand darted to his plate, stealing his roll and snatching away his attentions. His younger brother grinned toothily. "Keep your eyes close or you'll get no meal," he drawled, nodding to Thor's plate and directing Thor’s attentions downwards to it.

It was near empty, only a few scraps of meat remained despite that he'd barely eaten. He looked quickly to Loki's plate, where his food lay, piled haphazardly and uneaten. "You little--" He grabbed for a haunch but Loki lifted the plate away and out of his reach. "That's mine! You won't even eat it."

Loki smirked. "Neither shall you, apparently." He flicked his eyes in the direction of the aristocrat girl. "Cannot feed two appetites at the same time, brother?"

Looking over to the girl, Thor saw her giggling at him and blushed furiously. Angry at his embarrassment, he grabbed Loki's arm and pulled him close to snatch some of the stolen meal. "You ruin everything," he complained, tearing into a haunch of meat and feeling hot grease run down his chin

"Yes, all my fault," Loki said sarcastically, eyeing the mess Thor made. "Not your fault for failing to notice me picking away at your meal for the last half hour, never." When Thor continued to glare at him, Loki scoffed. "If you got the nerve to do more than ogle I'm sure she'd delight in speaking with you," Loki slid into a sly smirk. “Well, _speaking_ would likely be the last delightful thing on either of your minds.”

Swallowing hard, Thor set down his meal but kept a careful hand on it. "Since when do you proclaim thyself master of these things?" He poked Loki in the chest accusingly. "What have you been hiding from me, huh?" He watched Loki’s ears go red as his brother stayed suspiciously silent. Thor arched a skeptical eyebrow. " _Hmm_ , I do not think I approve of such activities from my baby brother."

That made Loki scowl, still blushing furiously. "I'm of age now, seems you conveniently forgot, I am not your _'baby brother_ ,' Thor."

“Nay, I disagree.” Thor smiled fondly at Loki's embarrassment, unable to stay mad at him as he squirmed. “You're mine littlest brother forever, Loki.” He reached to muss Loki’s slicked back hair but found his attempts batted away with a sharp slap.

“I'm your _only_ brother, dunce.”

Smiling, Thor raised an eyebrow. “And younger than me,” he said, matter of fact. “Therefore _you_ are _my_ babiest brother.” Speaking like to a child, he laughed as Loki groaned dramatically.

One of the servants reached between them to place a goblet of deep red wine in front of Thor and for the quickest moment, Thor and Loki locked eyes. Thor darted his hand out but Loki was quicker and snatched it with a cackle. “Too slow!”

Resisting the urge to smack Loki only because father sat mere chairs away, Thor growled, “that was for me.” He watched Loki run a thin finger around the edge of the goblet. “And you're not even supposed to be permitted--”

 _“Be permitted_ ,” Loki imitated him mockingly. “A fine jest, brother but when have I _ever_ followed by what I am _permitted_ to do?” Raising the goblet to his lips, Loki took a deep swig and set the goblet on the table with a ‘ _clunk_.’ He smirked at Thor, lips dyed red from the drink. “Make your own permissions, Thor.” Loki glanced back towards the aristocrat girl, who’d gone back to dining with her friends. “Though, maybe if I let you have the rest of this wine you'll find the courage to go speak with that girl. Norns know you… you--” Loki trailed off, brow furrowing. He pressed his hands flat on the crowded table and Thor noticed how they shook with the smallest of tremors.

Frowning, Thor watched him carefully. “It could not be that strong, brother. I know I called you a baby but do not be one.” He saw Loki cough and noted how his pupils dilated wide as black near swallowed green. “Loki?” A muscle twitched next to Loki’s left eye. Sweat beaded suddenly on Loki’s forehead as his skin paled. Alarmed, Thor reached for him, “what-- what's wrong?” Cautious of being duped he tried not to sound too concerned.

But when he brushed against Loki’s skin he found it burning to the touch. Loki groaned and swayed dangerously in his seat. Tears pricked the corner of his eyes though he seemed not to notice as he coughed again. His breaths came out short and gasping. “Th _orrrr_ ,” he slurred. Either Loki was a marvelous fake or something was gravely wrong.

Thor wasn't sure which to believe.

Glancing nervously over to mother and father, neither of whom had noticed their sons yet, Thor kept his hand on Loki’s shoulder and spoke into his ear. “What's wrong, brother? Are you sick again or--”

Loki lurched to an unsteady stand, knocking over his plate of food which clattered to the floor loudly and spilled all of Thor and Loki’s meals across the floor. Now mother and father were watching them. Frigga rose slowly, frowning from Loki to Thor. Coughing sharply, Loki stared wildly around eventually focusing, with some obvious difficulty, on Thor when he stood to steady his brother. Loki's hands closed around his stomach in writhing agony. “Thor, I--” Jerking to the side, he vomited unceremoniously onto the polished floor.

Yelping, Thor danced away from the mess. In an instant, Frigga and Odin were upon them, hovering beside Loki cautiously. The dinning hall, so boisterous moments before, fell eerily still save for curious carrying whispers.

Loki stood there, trembling and covered in sick, he stared blankly at Thor, clearly not really seeing him. Then Loki’s eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed onto the floor, narrowly missing his own mess. Thor stared in horror as his brother twitched. “Lo _ki_ ,” his voice broke as he started forward. The world itself seemed to slow to a terrible crawl. His breath hitched in his throat as Odin kneeled next to Loki, hand on his wrist, Frigga at his side, cradling Loki’s head as he gasped, an awful rattling sound.

Near shouting, Odin pointed towards a pair of Einherjar who hovered nearby. “Inform the healers of this,” his voice was thunderous and echoed throughout the motionless hall. The guards nodded and bolted towards the exit, easily clearing a path through the people who watched on. Pointing to another pair of guards, Odin’s voice hinged on unconcealed spitting fury. “None leave this hall until they are cleared!” Scooping up a still twitching Loki in his arms like some great lanky puppet, Odin followed swiftly, clearing an even wider path as Aesir shied away from the Allfather and from the doors.

Thor started after him but Frigga put a hand against his chest. “Wait now, son. We shall summon you.” He wanted to protest but the unrefined terror in her eyes silenced him. _He'd never seen such a look about her, not even when he’d fallen from a pine and broken both his wrists_. As she followed Odin out, Thor felt his friend's hands on him. Shaking, Thor stared at the exit where his family had disappeared.

Sif muttered in his ear, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, “do not worry, he shall be fine, the healers…” she trailed off uncertainly when he glared at her. _How could she say that, hadn't she seen how awful Loki looked?_ But the at the thought of Loki not being fine, Thor’s mind drew a frightening blank. “The healers can solve it, they always do,” she continued carefully. Glancing away, Thor found himself staring at the puddle of sick Loki had left behind, the swirl of red wine in it like blood. His stomach turned violently even as an idea sprang to mind.

Snapping his attention to the table, Thor glared at the goblet and snatched it from one of the servants who was busy cleaning Loki’s spot as if nothing had happened. Growling at the alarmed servant, he held out the goblet to a nearby Einherjar. “This, find out if it was poisoned.” The guard took it with a dip and vanished from the room.

Thor’s very skin itched to move, to run, to fix this. Aesir craned their necks to look at him, whispering among each other thoughtlessly. ‘ _Wait’, how could he do that when Loki might_ \-- He pushed away the thought and abandoned his hesitations, sprinting from the dining hall, ignoring the cries from his friends and the Einherjar at the doors. Crashing through the halls, he stopped for none and dodged out of the way of a pair of guards who attempted to curb his dash. Loki's burning skin still seemed to warm his fingertips. He flinched at the thought of Loki collapsing limply to the ground like a marionette with its strings cut. A strained laugh bubbled in his throat, it would have been a hilarious pantomime had he not been so terrified. He didn't slow his marathon until he reached the healing chambers.

From outside, he heard the eldest healer, Drifa, speaking in a quiet voice. “Were he not-- I do not know what the chances are that…” she paused as if listening to someone but for all Thor’s straining, he couldn't hear a response. When she spoke again he inched closer, hoping for more than snippets. “Yes, I should hope. We are extremely lucky that he--” Another sudden pause. Thor felt ill with worry. “It's not unlikely that he would have already passed, no. Had any but he ingested it I am certain I'd be dealing with a corpse.”

Thor’s heart skipped a beat. Abandoning his attempts at stealth he rounded the corner into the healing rooms. Father, mother and Drifa stared at him but Thor only had eyes for Loki. His brother was pale as death, nearly grey, stretched out on a soft bed he still shuddered. Thor could see his eyes twitching erratically under his closed lids. His breathing was hitching and shallow. Thor’s mouth went dry. “Will he--” Unable to bring himself to say the words, he looked up to his elders, not caring how helpless he must appear.

Frigga, who herself was wan, smiled tightly at him. “I thought I told you to wait.” She moved to him and squeezed his arm painfully tight, she sighed out a broken gasp that tore Thor’s aching heart to a thousand shreds. He clutched to her like a drowning man and stared at Odin, who was stony faced.

But Drifa spoke calmly. “I believe it shall be a difficult few days before he wakes. But with any luck, he _shall_ wake, prince Thor.” Thor released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and next to him Frigga choked out another shuddering sigh.

“What,” he swallowed, fighting back his dry mouth, “what was that goblet poisoned with?”

Drifa glanced to Odin briefly. “Ah, transferred through liquid, that makes sense.” She nodded thoughtfully before answering his question. “The extract of an extremely rare flower found only on Svartalfheim. It's entirely tasteless and its odor is negligible unless you're searching for it.” Behind her, Loki whimpered in his comatose state.

The sound made Thor shiver. “You can fix it, though?”

Again, she glanced to Odin who remained stoic. “Not exactly,” it was clear she was picking her words carefully. “The poison must run its course through him, it is up to his body to fight against it. It is fortunate he likely vomited most of it up, the stuff is remarkably fast acting.”

“You can do nothing?!” Thor realized he was practically shouting. _That was ridiculous, there had to be something to help him fight this._ Loki had always been so thin, if it were him he'd be sure he could wrestle against it, but Loki looked so small on that bed.

If Drifa minded his outburst, she gave no indication. “He shall fight through it.”

“How can you know?” He questioned her. On his arm, he felt Frigga go suddenly quiet.

It was Odin who spoke next, voice not quite quaking. “His seidr shall beat it back.” The answer left no room for further questioning and Thor heard Frigga give another small odd gasp into his arm. “Thor, where did he get the drink?”

“It was mine, he stole it from me and--” Thor shuddered, remembering how Loki’s mischievous grin had _~~died~~ _ dipped on his red stained lips. Pushing away the dread thought, he reflected on who had put it in front of him. Shrugging helplessly, Thor shook his head. “Some servant, I did not pay attention. Damn it, I…” Frigga clutched him tight in a hug and he stuttered off, soaking in her warmth. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, wishing that when he opened them Loki would be standing there, laughing at him for being so weepy.

But to no avail as, when he did, he simply saw father staring at him. A muscle jumped in Odin’s jaw, wrath practically radiated off of him. Thor took a step back, humbled by his silent fury. Behind him, Loki gurgled suddenly. Drifa turned away and rushed to Loki’s side with a squad of other healers as Loki seized. Thor watched with growing horror as Loki foamed at the mouth. Drifa snapped back at the three of them. “I ask that you leave while we tend to our patient.” It was not a request but an order.

Ushered from the room limply, Thor heard the heavy doors shut behind him and Loki’s gasping was lost to him. Shaking, Thor clenched his fists tight. _Someone had done this to his brother; if he found them he’d throttle the life from the scum._ He turned to Odin but saw only his father’s robes turning the corner far in the distance.

Frigga’s hand trembled on his arm. “We will find the perpetrator, Thor.” Gritting his teeth he didn't answer, _he had to get elsewhere, to destroy something_. Frigga didn't try to stop him as he stalked away.

He retrieved Sif from the dining hall, excusing her past the Einherjar. She complied to sparring without protest despite the late hour. Their fight was lit by torches the scattered the empty training grounds. He lost himself in the clash of their swords, only thinking far enough ahead to predict her next swipe. It was a blissful fury. Firelight turned Sif’s blade periodically to a streak of bright flame that burned into his vision. Not caring to grapple with delicacy, their fight was rough and by the end both of them sported a myriad of angry welts and tender already forming bruises. Panting, Thor threw down the sword and shuddered. Loki’s gurgling leapt to the forefront of his mind instantaneously.

Finally, Sif spoke. “Thor, do you wish to talk with someone?” She gripped his arm reassuringly but he merely shook his head. Sif sighed, “the Allfather shall make it right.” She sounded so wholly sure that it almost convinced Thor of the lie.

“It cannot be made _right_ , it happened and that wrongness cannot be undone,” he growled at the night sky, eyes suddenly blurry with angry tears. “You should have seen him. He--” Thor choked on his words and swallowed hard. “I… I'm off to bed.” He pushed off of her and left her standing alone in the dark.

Walking without a destination, Thor paced until his legs ached to match his mangled arms. The helplessness was unbearable. When he came to his senses, Thor found himself in front of Loki’s empty chambers. Pushing on the door, he felt Loki’s spells sting at his fingers like biting ants trying to repel him, but they were weak and he ignored them. Stepping inside, he jumped as Loki’s voice hissed in his ear, “ _get out_.” Glancing wildly around, his heart thumping, Thor searched for its owner, only seconds later to realize it must have been another spell.

Sighing heavily, Thor gazed around the dark room. It was messy as ever. Old tomes lay spread out across the floor like land mines, their yellowed pages depicting diagrams he couldn't begin to understand. Some half finished magical construct glittered on the table; Thor poked at it, smiling as it twirled around his finger. Despite the mess, the room smelled of fresh mint that tickled his senses.

 _Loki should be here, sprawled out on the floor like a child deep in his studies_ , Thor thought. Anger rose in Thor’s chest again but it crashed seconds later into a drowning sorrow. _This wasn't right,_ when Thor closed his eyes he saw Loki seizing on that bed, saw his white eyes just before he collapsed to the ground. _Loki was life and mirth itself, not some shriveled half-dead body._ Thor raged, roaring until his throat went raw and his voice was little more than a rasp. And when he was finished, his body ached with an all encompassing exhaustion. Sprawling across Loki’s unkempt sheets, Thor felt the heaviness of sleep wrapping itself around him.

In his dreams, Loki ran from him, laughing like a bird and sprinting through an endless forest. Thor caught snatches of his clever smile and tried to call out but Loki was too quick for him. Winded, he leaned against a tall pine, listening to Loki’s tittering laughter. When it stopped, he jumped up, seconds later a gurgling cry echoed from all around him. Jolting wildly through the trees, Thor called out but his voice failed. A streak of black caught his eye and he bolted towards it. Loki lay on the ground, clutching at his throat and the vicious claws closed around it. Above him crouched a massive, hulking wolf with deep red eyes. Loki’s eyes were wide with panic as he choked on the red slash scoring his throat. Bile rose in Thor’s stomach and he started forward. But the scene seemed unreachable as it ran from him, always a few steps out of grasp. He couldn’t reach Loki. Couldn’t even reach the wolf. He was helpless.

Jerking away with a start, Thor let out a broken gasp and felt his body ache with his abuse. On the edge of Loki's bed sat Frigga. She smiled at him softly when he locked eyes with her. “Oh, my son.” She moved to him and stroked his hair. He briefly thought about objecting the action, he hadn't let her do such a thing since he was but a boy. Her voice was impossibly tired. “My light, I know, I know.”

Sitting up and feeling all of his being protest the action, Thor murmured into her chest. “Have you--” he winced at his hoarse voice. “How is he? What time is it?” Looking past her, Thor saw morning light peeking through the curtains. When Frigga didn’t answer, he jerked his attention back to her. “Mother?”

Her eyes were misty but she smiled at him, still stroking his hair. “He’s… not well but Drifa still believes he shall pull through. He must.” She sighed and it carried the weight of a thousand worries. “It shall be a long week for us all.”

Thor winced at the prospect. “Can I see him,” he asked hopefully. Glancing around the room, he lingered on the splayed out books. “I could bring him something to read or…” He trailed off at the sorrow in her smile. “He hasn’t woken yet?” His guess was confirmed as Frigga nodded, drawing him into a close embrace. Anger again boiled in his chest but it had nowhere to go. “Has father found the culprit?” Some good news, as Frigga nodded again. Staring at her, Thor insisted. “Are they-- what are we going to do with them?”

“Your father is waiting until Loki is well enough to hold the sentencing.” Frigga pursed her lips as a hint of disapproval lingered in her voice. “But there is no doubt the punishment shall be severe. An example must be made of those who would threaten the royal family so brazenly.” The words offered precious little comfort to Thor when the image of Loki’s wide, panic blown eyes haunted his thoughts.

“Could I see him?”

After a moment’s hesitation, she nodded. “Aye, but do not expect a miracle; he still hangs dangerously close to Hela’s halls.” Despite her cautious warnings, Thor still gathered an armful of books at random, judging them more by their covers than their contents. If Loki couldn’t read them now, then they’d be there when he awoke. It was all Thor could do from slipping entirely into helplessness. He hoped that Loki would approve of his choices.

In his walk down to the healing chambers he all but forgot of Frigga’s warnings under the prospect of seeing Loki again. A young healer bowed to him as he entered and ushered him into a secluded alcove. Upon seeing Loki, though, the hopeful flutterings in his chest died.

A grey shroud of death hung over Loki and Thor’s heart skipped a beat at his stillness but the ever so slight rise and fall of Loki’s chest and the rattling hiss that came with betrayed the life left in him. A tiny frown furrowed his face and his eyes darted under their lids. Thor stared at him with dismay before turning on the healers. “I thought you were helping him,” he accused. _Loki looked no better, if anything, he appeared worse._

Emerging from around the corner, Drifa shut down his frustrations. “Were we not, he wouldn’t be among the living, prince Thor.” The heavy shadows under her eyes illustrated the cost of a sleepless night. “I understand that you are angry but taking that ire out on us shall achieve nothing.” Her voice carried a razor edge.

Retracting his aggressions, Thor turned back to Loki, setting down the books he carried. Reaching for his brother, Thor took Loki’s wrist and found it cold and chalky, feeling more like a clay mannequin than his living little brother. A weak pulse thrummed stubbornly under Thor’s fingers as he gripped Loki tight and fought back the desire to destroy something. _This wasn’t right, none of this should be happening, it wasn’t even meant for him, it should have been me._

Drifa moved beside Loki, running a hand over his cold skin. “We could inform you when we feel it an appropriate time to wake him.”

But Thor shook his head. “No, I want to stay here.”

And so he did. Over the next few days he loathed to leave Loki’s side, only doing so when the healers ushered him out or when he could no longer stand the terrible stillness of everything. When that happened he would scarf down a meal and find one of his friends to beat upon, Sif was his most willing companion and she never asked questions so it was she who he often found crossing swords with at odd hours. Frigga joined him often, simply sitting there watching or occasionally brushing Loki’s hair. Rarer a visitor was Odin, who stood at the foot of the bed, face a closed mask. Thor didn’t try to speak with either of them, there was nothing to say. Thor grew oddly, terribly accustomed to listening to his brother’s senseless mutterings brought on by his magically imposed sleep. Often he himself would nod off listening to their steady drone.

One night, Loki’s heart stopped.

A sudden shrieking ring roused Thor from his uncomfortable sleep and he jolted up as healers swarmed the room. Disorientated, it wasn’t until he saw Loki’s still eyes and silent lips that Thor realized what was happening. Jerking forward he reached for Loki. _No, no no, no._ “Loki!” _He had to reach him, to help, to--_ Drifa glared at him, pushing him back with one hand while her other roiled with seidr. He cared not, _Loki wasn’t breathing, his little brother wasn’t--_ “Brother!”

Drifa snarled at one of the other healers as he struggled, “get him out of here!” Sweat beaded on her forehead as she worked spells over Loki’s motionless form.

“No, _no!_ ” Thor fought against the healers until he felt the hooks of their seidr dragging him into an imposed sleep. He stared at Loki’s still body, glowing in the spells cast over him. _This couldn’t be happening--_ Struggling against the exhaustion, he watched Loki until his eyes could no longer stay open.

And so he existed in blissful nothingness, not a thought in his hazy head.

Until the spell was lifted and the world jerked painfully back to life. He scrambled up, memories flooding him. Drifa’s hand was on his shoulder. “Calm thyself. Breath deep and slow.” Following her orders dutifully, Thor tried to find words through his haze of panic and took in her appearance. Some of her grey hair had fallen from its elaborate braided bun atop her head, she seemed exhausted, dark shadows creasing under her eyes and lines furrowing her already wrinkled brow. Unable to find the will to ask his question, Thor stared at her. She pursed her lips but nodded. “He lives.”

Choking on relief, Thor buried his head in his hands for a long moment. “Can I see him,” he asked when he emerged.

“No,” her answer was curt.

Reeling back like he’d been slapped, Thor growled, “why not?” She gave no answer but her gaze was unyielding. Leaping up, he stalked out of the chambers. He hacked away at dummies on the training grounds for hours, reducing them to little more than beaten dust and crumbled stone. Ignoring how hot tears ran down his face, he fought until his whole body screamed for him to stop and his arm was numb. When he could fight no more, he paced until his feet ached in his boots. Eventually, he passed out in Loki’s chambers, sprawled out across the strewn pillows, so carelessly and casually tossed to the ground by his brother days before. Rest was uneasy but mercifully nightmareless.

When he returned to the healing rooms, watching Loki waste was no easier to bear. Time crawled at a snail’s pace. As the days passed Loki’s cheeks, already thin, grew hollow and sunken, his eyes never opened but part of Thor was thankful for that, for he feared what he’d see underneath. Still, Loki was alive. Thor wished to hear Loki berate him over his butchering of the many ridiculously complicated words littering Loki’s tomes when Thor read them aloud. He hoped Loki could hear him through his sleep. It was that imposed sleep that kept Loki in his unnatural static state and Thor longed for him to be woken from it. But Thor wasn’t ripe to ask, not after he’d seen the toll the healers were already bearing.

Finally in the early morning hours of the seventh day, Drifa woke Thor softly from an uncomfortable sleep. “It is time.” He nodded grimly as the healers gathered around. Their spells danced across Loki. Thor watched Loki’s face carefully, holding his breath for fear that if he even moved wrong he’d break their concentration. After what felt like an eternity, Loki’s eyelids snapped open.

Thor smiled with utmost relief as Loki’s sharp green eyes scanned the healers slowly and cautiously, at last focusing in on Thor. He squinted at Thor, who was suddenly stricken with silence. A weary grin split Loki’s face. “Are you,” his voice was impossibly hoarse and he shuddered. “Are you _crying?_ ”

“No,” Thor muttered, wiping away tears. _Loki was awake and making fun of him, this was the world right._ “How do you feel?” _If only he didn’t look so decrepit this could be a day like any other._

Loki tried to sit up only to stop abruptly, going a bit green. A short moan escaped his cracked lips as the healers kept him down. “Like a draugr,” Loki groaned, squirming under the hands of the healers.

“You look like one too,” Thor offered helpfully. To which Loki snorted then, half a second later, hissed out a wheezing breath as his face contorted with pain. Thor’s smile flickered as sweat beaded on Loki’s forehead. “Is the poison still…” Thor looked to Drifa.

Frowning, Drifa shook her head. “Nay, tis gone. Only the damage it wreaked remains.” She turned crossly to Loki as he again tried to sit up. “Do not, prince Loki. One doesn’t survive such a thing as you and walk away so easy. Rest now.” She waved a dismissive hand to Thor. “You, leave us and let us tend to our patient in peace.”

As healers pushed him back, Thor called out to Loki. “I shall bring you more books soon!” Loki smiled at him but just before Thor rounded the corner he saw it die away like a fire extinguished.

It was over a day before the healers let him return. Drifa went so far as to diagnose him with exhaustion and require mandatory bedrest to keep him out of her hair. After freeing himself from her orders, he rounded up more books from Loki's room and carried them down to his brother. When he entered, he found Frigga sitting by Loki's side, holding one of his thin hands in both of hers. Loki had his head pressed against her chest and visibly shuddered. At Thor’s footsteps he jerked to attention, drawing back from Frigga. He eyed the books Thor toted with an amused smirk. “Oh good, more things for the healers to take from me.” Beside him, Frigga wore the smallest of frowns.

Setting down the books, Thor inspected Loki carefully. Some life had returned to his previously waxy cheeks, though they were still far too sharp. His eyes were dull and red rimmed, their mirth oddly hollow. Smiling, Thor ignored his worries and sat on the edge of Loki's bed. “Are they feeding you well?” When Loki didn't respond he laughed nervously. “Checking things for poisons? You should see the rigor with which the servants must prepare things now,” he smiled at Loki, hopeful for a laugh.

The way Loki returned his grin was strained. “I am sure.” He chuckled curtly, over loud, and ducked his head. “Thor, could you fetch a specific tome for me?”

Perking up at the opportunity to help, Thor nodded enthusiastically. “Of course!”

“It's got a lavender binding, I dogeared some of the pages. Could you find it?”

Bouncing up, Thor smiled at his brother. Frigga followed him from the room and grabbed him lightly by the arm once in the hallways. “Thor, please do be aware of what you say.” Her voice was stern but not harsh. He blinked at her, confused by her words. Sighing, she took his arm and walked with him through the halls. “He's terrified, Thor.”

“He - he is?” Thor stuttered, remembering how Loki's smile dipped when he thought Thor hadn't been looking.

Stopping him, Frigga looked visibly exasperated. “Thor,” she said it like an admonition and he ducked his head. “He very nearly died.”

“I _know_ that,” Thor shifted uncomfortably, trying his best to push the sight of Loki's still chest from his thoughts. _She hadn't been there, he had_. “But he's always been so…” trailing off, Thor grimaced, unable to find words for what he wished to say.

But Frigga seemed to understand. “You thought he could shed this trouble like he does for all other things.” He nodded. “Has it occurred to you that he, _does not_ , in fact do anything of the sort?” It had not. Thor frowned at her, unsure of what to say. She smiled, bittersweet. “Your brother adores you, Thor. He doesn't want you to see him weak. He believes it will make you think less of him.” Thor opened his mouth to protest but she raised a silencing hand. “I know that you wouldn't, but he is set on that falsity. This incident is merely taking more of a toll on him than the rest of the things he so routinely brushes away.” She pressed a kiss against his cheek before pulling away. “Go fetch that book. I must speak with your father.”

It took Thor near an hour to find the tome and when he did eventually dig it out, it was buried deep under Loki’s bed, tucked away and dusty as if it hadn’t been sought after for months. Thor guessed, sadly, that it was likely some repurposed decoy of his many over complicated schemes. Still, he took the thing, hoping to at least bring some mirth to Loki about his gullibleness.

Indeed he seemed to have assumed correctly for Loki discarded the tome as soon as he returned, looking ripe to speak. Remembering Frigga’s advice, Thor allowed Loki to steer their conversation. Complaining at length about the healer’s treatment, Loki even managed to work some ruddiness into his ashen cheeks. During one of his rants on them keeping him bed bound, a young, startlingly blonde healer brought out a small bowl of milky soup and stared at Loki expectantly. Ignoring her pointedly, Loki continued his complaints. “And then they insist upon feeding me as if I couldn’t very well do it myself.” He smirked at Thor before turning and feigning surprise at the healer’s presence. “Oh, my apologies,” he said, over-gracious to the point of dipping into an odd half bow from where he sat. His theatricality brought a smile to Thor’s face. “If you would leave that here, I believe I can manage.” He finished with a toothy grin that stretched his waxy skin tight.

Much to Thor’s surprise the healer complied and handed the bowl to Loki. He fumbled with it for a moment and Thor saw how his thin hands shook, sending ripples through the soup. Trying not to stare openly, Thor picked at his fingernails and watched Loki slowly spoon the soup from the corner of his eye. The healer had no such qualms as she retreated to the corner of the room. The tremor about Loki’s hands, normally slight, turned into an unsteady quake upon the task of raising the spoon to his lips.

Thor tried not to wince as some of the hot soup sloshed onto Loki’s front. But Loki merely grit his teeth and pushed through. As soon as the soup touched his tongue, he grimaced. After swallowing with some clear difficulty, Loki explained. “It tastes like the ass end of a horse,” he complained loudly.

Smiling, Thor raised an eyebrow. “You know what that tastes like?”

Without missing a beat, Loki responded, “nay, but I presume you do. The explanation was for _your_ benefit, after all.” He smirked as Thor chuckled. Beginning the struggle anew, Loki continued to smirk, trying to play down the effort. “They refuse my _very reasonable requests_ ,” he glared momentarily at the silent healer, “for some real food and insist upon siphoning me this slop.”

Drifa entered their room, casting a shadow across the doorway. “Because it is twice as nutritious as any meal you could scrounge up. You’re not here for luxury, prince Loki.” Loki rolled his eyes but had no snapping words for her. Thor guessed he had sense enough not to antagonize the very person directly for responsible for his life. Drifa dismissed the other healer and watched Loki carefully finish off the soup. “I assure you, the less grousing and more resting you do, the faster you shall be free of our _clutches_.” She collected the bowl and left them with a cutting frown.

They spoke late into the night until Loki nodded off amid a lecture on the intricacies of some spell he was engineering. Weary himself, Thor stood to leave only to pause by the doorway as he heard father’s voice. “When do you believe he shall be ready? This trial cannot wait much longer. Asgard hungers for justice.” Peeking his head cautiously out of Loki's chambers, Thor saw Drifa and Odin standing at the entrance. He debated how long he should listen in on what was clearly a private conversation.

Drifa crossed her arms. “Given his unwillingness to cooperate,” she spoke even softer than Odin and Thor strained to hear. “Two days is a generous estimate. It's likely we could get him up by then but if you are looking for his full strength to return, that may take weeks or more. It is impossible to know, with him.” Thor glanced back to Loki, frowning. _So long_.

Odin shook his head. “No need. His armor shall conceal any weaknesses.” At the mention of their ceremonial armor, Thor jerked back. They so rarely wore them, this was going to be quite the event.

Bowing, Drifa glanced back towards Loki's chambers and Thor was suddenly glad he'd hidden again. Through the curtains, he saw her frown. “He is… asking questions.”

“About?”

“His survival.” Drifa sighed, a heavy, dark sound. “It took him not long to pry the identity of the poison from one of my nurses. He knows it makes little sense and my explanations are clearly doing little to placate him. He complained to his brother for hours and I’d not be surprised if that was the cause of his ire.” Pausing, Thor could see her weighing her words carefully. “Not that it is my place to advise you on these matters but… do you not think the time has come for--”

“You're right, it is not your place.” Odin cut her off sharply. “You said Thor was here?”

Jumping, Thor raced for what to do to not make it obvious he'd been eavesdropping. He thought briefly about pretending to be asleep as Drifa spoke. “Yes, he may still be here, actually.” Their footsteps approached as he abandoned the half formed plan, there was no chance of deceiving father that way. Instead, he opted to look as if he'd just awoke. Stepping out of the curtains, he rubbed at his eyes and tried his best to look surprised at Odin’s presence.

“Father, 'tis good to see you. If you've come to speak with Loki I'm afraid he just fell asleep.” He smiled, hoping he didn't look to nervous. “I think he bored himself to slumber rambling on some spell or another.” Glancing to Drifa, Thor bowed. “And she is shockingly stringent on her patient’s rest.”

Odin clapped him on the shoulder. “Ah, I see. I'm that case, I suppose my visitation can wait. A good slumber can work miracles.” A small smirk turned the edges of his mouth, though it quickly disappeared as he inspected Thor’s face. “That goes for you as well, get some sleep, my son.” Nodding, Thor slipped away, hopeful that Odin hadn't noticed his nervousness.

In the days leading up to the trial, Thor found his ignored responsibilities of the last week swamping him. His free time was painfully short and when he could scrounge up the chance to visit Loki, he found his brother so mired in healers that any chance of conversation was negligible. They communicated, in the short time available mostly through mutually frustrated frowns. _Once this damnable trial was over,_ Thor thought after a particularly stringent day only made rougher by watching Loki struggle to stand, _then things could go back to a blissful normal._

It wasn’t until he found himself standing next to Loki before the sentencing was to commence that he found time to breathe. As Aesir funneled into the grand throne room, Thor adjusted his helmet, trying to relieve himself of the headache it gave without breaking his posture. On the step below him, Loki stood stock upright, eyes forward and hands clasp behind his back. Father had been correct in assuming his armor would mask any gaunt rementants in Loki, the vestiges of his weakness only showed in the corner of his sharp cheekbones mostly concealed by his helmet. Other than the shadows beneath his eyes and the slight tremor of his clasp hands currently hidden behind his cape, he gave a passable picture of health.

Leaning over, Thor muttered from the corner of his mouth. “How long do you think this shall last?” Turning his head to see Loki's response, Thor watched his brother shrug.

“Not long, likely,” he murmured back, still staring ahead. “This is formality more than anything.” The smallest smirk curved his face. “I’d quite like this to end quick enough for me to slip some real food and drink before Drifa takes that delightful chance away as she so loves to do.” The roar of the crowd surrounding them grew louder as more and more Aesir packed in to watch the sentencing and their chance at an easy conversation faded.

Three chained figures entered surrounded by a squadron of Einherjar and the crowd picked up to a fever pitch. Hot anger boiling in his stomach, Thor strained his neck to see the criminals. Even Loki turned, his stiff movements either culprit of anxiety or whatever aches remained in his bones. As the figures marched, Thor glanced up to Odin on the throne. His father wore a perfect unreadable mask but from up close Thor could see his white-knuckled grip on Gungnir. Beside him, Frigga stared down the miscreants, standing tall and unflinching with a fire burning in her eyes.

Two of the three prisoners walked slow, dipping their heads from the crowd and shuffling their feet against the heavy chains. But the third, a clear leader, held his chin high. Something like a cruel smile twisted his sharp, rugged face. The sight of his smirk sent chills down Thor’s spine. The Einherjar jerked them to a stop just below the steps. As Odin slammed Gungnir to the ground the crowd fell into hungry silence. Standing, he regarded the prisoners coldly. “On this day you are brought before me, accused of a heinous attempt on the life of a member of Asgard’s royal family.” Thor glanced down to Loki, who was transfixed by the smiling chained Aesir, his mouth slightly ajar. Odin continued, “before you are given your due sentence, I award you the chance to speak in your defense.”

Some curiosity sparking within him, Thor frowned down at the men. The two in the back said nothing, only bowed lower. But their leader stared at Odin without moving. “We have nothing, _nothing_ ,” his voice was scratchy and low, “to defend. For we have no need to mewl, we know our sins and what the entail.”

 _That was it then, wasn't it,_ Thor thought, _a quick, clean end._ He rather liked the idea of it. To sweep this aside and return to the norm, free to let this hellish week fade into the grateful past never to bother any again. Relief washed over Thor as he realized this could come to a close here and now.

But Loki turned towards Odin, the movement exaggerated by his horns and Thor knew his eyes weren't the only drawn curiously to his brother. The picture of silent, still nobility in a way Thor knew he could never replicate, Loki stared at Odin, waiting. Odin dipped his head and Loki’s eyes glinted as he swiveled to face the criminals. For a long moment, the entire hall seemed devoid of air. Thor realized that this was the first time Loki had appeared in public after collapsing in the dining halls. He briefly wondered what speculations had blossomed in his absence. _They were lovely, surely,_ Thor thought to himself dryly as he prepared himself for Loki's barbed tongue.

The pair regarded each other. Loki, tallest in the room thanks to his horns, save for Odin on the throne, managed the feat of breaking the leader’s stillness. Chains rattling, the rugged Aesir made an attempt to cross his arms. Loki continued his silence. Clearly it unnerved the mad talker as he snapped, “say something,” after a moment's hesitation he added " _prince_ ” like a spitting insult.

Loki narrowed his eyes. “Why?” Thor grunted, surprised by the short question. He'd expected far sharper a rhetoric. The brief question sent a ripple through the crowd as well. “Why did you do this,” he pressed again, “an action doomed to fail such as the one you pursued.”

The rugged Aesir snorted and Thor saw Loki's nostrils flare. “You seem to be in remarkable health for a dead man, _prince_.” Thor growled, his hands itched to throttle the mouthy mad talker. Einherjar jerked at his chains in a warning. But Loki held firm.

“Thy observations are… _appreciated_.” Thor heard the faintest of nervous titters among the crowd. And though Loki smiled now, his eyes were cold and sharp. It made Thor shiver with unease. “There is little time left of you. I hope your traitorous game was worth this.”

“ _Game_ ,” the Aesir scoffed. “You truly are a child, then. This was no game, _mine prince_ .” He sneered at Loki and Thor saw Odin raise Gungnir to silence him. But the mad talker pushed on and Loki didn't flinch away. “And no, it was not worth it. Do you know why?” Loki shook his head almost imperceptibly, clearly intrigued. “The poison,” the miscreant paused, letting every word fall from his lips like a weight. “Was not,” he grinned, all sharp teeth and malice like a venomous snake. “Meant for _you_.” He jerked his head towards Thor, who glared openly. Still, the Aesir didn't turn from Loki. “But I bet you know that. For why would I waste years of planning on _you?_ ”

At this, Loki jerked his head back and Thor saw him sway unsteadily, wishing he could help. Slamming Gungnir into the ground, Odin regained the floor and all went silent. “Enough,” his voice radiated an old power. “For your treason in these very halls, for attempting assassination on the life of a royal son, for you lack of remorse and your brazen disregard of decency and the sanctity of these halls; I, Odin Allfather, subject thee to the axe.” A satisfied murmur ran through the crowd. “Come morning, thou shalt breathe your last.”

The mad talker grinned viciously while the other two shuddered. He snarled at Odin, “you should not have both your sons, Allfather! I know poisons, I know what I--” Gurgling, the spitting words died on the Aesir’s tongue.

A muscle jumped in Odin’s jaw. “We have heard all we need to. Einherjar,” he signaled as the guards gathered the men’s chains. “Away with them. The words of a madman have no credence in these halls.” Once the criminals were dragged away, Odin, with Frigga at his arm, beckoned Thor and Loki to follow him behind the throne. They followed silently and the roar of the crowd muffled as the wide golden doors slid shut behind them. Not wasting a second, he turned on them. “It is done,” he nearly sighed, “rest easier this night, my sons.”

“Yes, father,” Thor and Loki echoed.

Odin nodded sharply, though his gaze lingered on Loki who stared blankly at the far wall. Placing a hand on Loki’s shoulder, Odin spoke to him, “how do you think that madman’s words shall resonante, Loki?”

Snapping his attention to Odin, Loki poorly concealed a frown. He shook his head slightly and murmured, “I could not begin to guess what goes on in the mind of the people.”

“Mmm,” father sighed, clearly not believing him. Neither did Thor, he knew his brother well enough to assume that his mind had already worked through an innumerable amount of predictions. “You did well to keep your queries calm,” Loki brightened slightly, raising his chin as Odin praised him. “I should suspect that the accusations of that madman will serve only to heighten you in the people’s eyes.” Thor frowned in the same instant as Loki, wondering how their father could jump to that assumption. But Odin continued undeterred, “why is it that we must appear strong to our subjects even when we feel otherwise?” Odin watched them both expectantly.

It was an answer Thor knew well, one drilled thoroughly into his head for decades. Loki answered stiffly, “because our strength is the strength of our people.” Though Thor did not quite understand, Loki relaxed slightly and sighed, “ah, my survival strengthens the kingdom, then? I see, should you believe so, father.” Loki dipped his head despite that Thor still heard a reservation in his voice.

But Odin seemed appeased as he drew away. “Good. You two are dismissed.” With that command, Loki disappeared down a hallway before Thor could stop him. He thought briefly of making chase but remembered Loki’s recently starved love of alone time and thought better of it.

It was an agonizing test of patience, though, as Thor let Loki be. Not for lack of trying to find him as Thor had only lasted an hour before attempting to find his brother but his searches bore no fruit. Clearly Loki was determined not to return to Drifa’s clutches yet. It wasn’t until after dinner, upon returning to his, woefully underused of late, chambers, that Thor found Loki sprawled out across cushions, deep in a book and gnawing on a loaf of bread. His hair was mussed and his royal armor discarded for more comfortable cloth; he looked far softer without the gilded horns.

Loki glanced up warily as Thor opened the door but relaxed upon realizing he wasn’t about to be dragged back to the healing chambers. “Hello hello, I presume you aren’t bothered by my presence?” He smirked, a comforting sight, “not that I care if you are.”

Struck silent with relief, it wasn’t until Loki stood that Thor regained his voice, “I’ve been looking for you all day.” He rushed towards Loki, who dusted crumbs from his trousers. The oversharp lines of his face still made Thor’s stomach boil with anger as a myriad of other emotions rose in his throat.

“You and an entire squadron of healers,” Loki chuckled low, “I’m surprised they’ve yet to enlist Heimdall’s aid. Never have I been more thankful for this palace’s twisting design _\--ah_ , okay.” He accepted Thor’s hug begrudgingly, feeling fragile as matchsticks under Thor’s grasp. Though if Thor mentioned his observation he was sure Loki would protest unceasingly, or perhaps leave him holding actual matchsticks instead of his brother. “Thor, control thyself, you’re awfully embarrassing,” Loki whined in Thor’s ear, obviously growing fed up with Thor’s embrace.

But upon realization that this was the first time he’d been alone with Loki since the poisoning; _since long before too,_ amended a guilty voice in Thor’s head, he clung to Loki tighter. He listened to Loki’s continuous grumbles and reveled in his brother’s steady heartbeat, willing it to erase the memory of Loki’s still body from his mind. “I near lost you.” Loki’s thin arms, stripped of much of their already lean muscle, stopped trying to pry him off and fell limply to the side. The horrors of the day, the last week, solidified into a lump in Thor’s throat. _How close had it come,_ Thor wondered, _how near had it been that he could never have heard his brother’s clever laughter again?_ It was a thought that petrified him. “What would I do without you?”

“Nothing fun, likely,” Loki’s voice was strained and rough. “Or perhaps you’d get a decent night’s rest or a proper meal for once.” His attempt at a laugh was weak and short lived. Instead, Loki reluctantly returned his embrace. Thor felt Loki’s fingers trembling against his back. From fear, weakness, or sorrow, Thor knew not. He cared not. “Brother…” Loki trailed off uncertainly and clung tighter to Thor, shuddering ever so slightly.

It was a long minute until he returned to his protests. “Thor, I must go soon or the healers shall find me and drag me off.”

Grumbling, Thor did as he was asked, reeling in his tumultuous emotions as he did. _No time to dwell on the past, no need_ , he reminded himself. “They’ll find you eventually, brother,” he said as Loki swept past him hastily.

“Yes, well,” Loki snatched up his discarded book, tucking it deftly under one arm. “I’d like to prevent that a few precious hours more.” He quickly finished off the loaf of bread and started towards the door. “I may be back,” he hesitated, smiling tiredly. “Maybe.”

“Where are you going to hide next?” Thor inquired, deciding against attempting to sway Loki from his path.

But Loki merely laughed and winked. “Now why, when I’ve got all of Drifa’s forces after me, would I divulge such a thing as that to the worst liar in the family?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what the kids call Self Indulgent, folks  
> Also this ended up being WAY longer than I expected but I rolled with it and I'm satisfied, would love to hear feedback


	8. Late Nights in Places You Shouldn't Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes responsibilities are boring and sneaking out is a way better option.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early Twenties  
> Animal death in this one, I don't think its too graphic but let me know if it is. I guess sex mention too? Do I need to tag that?

Thor slumped in his seat, bored beyond tears watching bards sing of adventure, wishing he could embark on his own. Trapped by formality, he feared he’d rot away in his chair. Gazing longingly out a balcony to the evening sky he realized, with a groan, that there were hours left to pass before he’d be free of this torture.

And hours could feel like years under the wrong circumstances.

While the bards lamented the fall of some warrior, Thor imagined himself splitting the skull of a Frost or Fire Giant, perhaps both if he could wrangle it. He imagined wielding Mjolnir, no longer unmovable in its vault, and crushing bone like overripe berries. He could even settle for a fine bar fight, anything to get his blood pumping, anything but this unending agony before him.

So lost in his fantasies was he that he scarcely noticed Loki elbow him and only reacted when Loki pinched his neck. He glared at his brother who seemed to be faring a mite better than him, or perhaps simply concealed boredom better; though his green eyes were dull with disinterest. It wasn’t until Thor elbowed him back that he perked up. Waggling his eyebrows, he snatched an apple from the tray of a passing servant and took a bite of it with a wink. Unsure whether to be annoyed or not, Thor watched him with a frown. When he drew back, the apple appeared whole despite how he clearly chewed it.

Thor’s eyes widened incredulously as Loki’s gaze shifted leadingly from the seemingly whole apple to the bards on the stage to the chair underneath Thor. He grinned and tossed the apple Thor’s way. Catching it, Thor’s hand passed through the illusion that made the apple whole and its bite, bleeding juice, showed. Understanding, Thor returned his brother’s grin.

And watched it grow to resemble a fox’s, pleased with its catch.

Half a second later, Thor’s hand disappeared from under the bitten apple, then a copy replaced it. Alarmed, Thor glanced over to see a Loki staring attentively at the show, fiddling with his sleeve. A cold, invisible hand tugged painfully on Thor’s hair and he followed its lead, slipping unseen from the hall and leaving their echoes to suffer their fate.

It wasn’t until they reached the stables that Loki dropped their shroud of shadows and Thor could see his own feet again.

Giddy, Thor beamed at his brother. “You’re brilliant, utterly ingenious.” He saw Loki giggling, deftly untying his sleek, dark horse. An unfortunate scenario came to mind. “We shall be in dreadful trouble once they discover your trick, brother.” A bit sobered by the thought of father’s harsh words, Thor nevertheless stowed his axe across his back and saddled his horse.

Loki waved off his worries with an easy hand. _"Should_ they discover it, Thor. Luckily I have no such plans. The Gatekeeper has far more interesting things to spy upon than us. Besides,” Loki swung onto his horse and smirked, “a bit of fun never hurt anyone.”

They made it to a town outside the city, tucked away amongst tall pines, more importantly, to a bar, before even all of the day’s light had faded from the sky. Leaving their horses to graze, Thor gratefully sipped on ale and scanned the bar’s patrons for someone who could sport a fine brawl. Loki near disappeared into the crowd, recognizable only by his white fox grin as he no doubt wooed and dazzled the patrons out of their time or money.

Thor cared not to dissuade his brother from the venture for if it failed he’d surely have a fight on his happy hands.

More than a few drinks in that looked to be the case. Warm and pleasantly fuzzy about the head, Thor watched Loki lazily. His brother had attracted a small crowd as he easily beat the barfolk at their own card games. He had one arm slung around a stocky red-headed Aesir a good half head taller than him; such a man, Thor guessed, Loki would make a bedmate of should he have his way.

Thor chuckled and thought of interfering as Loki so often did with his dates. _(Thor had yet to truly forgive Loki for ruining his night with that pretty blonde noble girl)_ But decided against it as the crowd grew. Amused and intrigued he craned to watch the card game.

“Show us thy hand, boy,” growled a grizzled man, Loki’s opponent it seemed to be. His cards were spread out across the table and, by the way the patrons crowed, it was a good batch.

But Loki’s fox-grin never faltered. “Gladly.” With a flourish, Loki presented the stacked cards to the man on his arm. “A kiss for luck?” Thor groaned inaudibly until his brother’s flirting was finished. Locking eyes with his opponent across the table, Loki flipped his hand over. For a moment all was silent as the crowd peered at them.

Then a sound like an explosion erupted as the lot yelled either their approval or dismay. Clearly Loki had won. Coins jingled and traded hands, a heavy bunch of them ending up in Loki’s waiting palm along with an assortment of other valuables, healing stones, necklaces, the like. Thor’s laughter again turned to groans as Loki accepted a sloppy kiss from the man on his arm.

Thankfully, before it could descend further, Loki’s opponent slammed his hand on the table and stood roughly, knocking his mead onto the ground. “You cheated! That’s the only hand that could have beaten mine!”

“Now, now…” Loki contained his pleased laughter for a moment and spoke calmingly. “I simply got lucky, you played a fine game, sir--”

His opponent pulled a knife from a hidden sheath and trained it on him. The crowd scooted back, alarmed, even as Thor pushed forward. “There’s no _luck_ when I already had that exact hand stowed away. You _cheated!”_ He brandished the knife loosely and Loki sprang back, his grin dying quickly.

Growling, Thor put himself between Loki and the man. “Back off!” Curling his fists tight, Thor glared at the grizzled man. The crowd around them muttered with excitement as they scowled at each other.

Loki’s insistent hands tugged on his arm. “Thor,” Loki hissed in his ear, “stop and think about this for a moment.” Scooting around him, Loki dipped his head. “We want no trouble--”

“Then you shouldn’t have cheated!”

“Yes, well,” Loki’s tight smile slipped into an annoyed grimace for a half second. “There’s no need for bloodshed on this fine night. I could buy you a round or two, would that-”

“No!” The man snapped, eyes bloodshot. “I shan’t be disrespected like this and then be bought out by a few drinks.” Even as he swayed drunkenly, Thor thought he gained a clever air about him. “A blood price must be paid. If not with your own then,” he glanced around to the crowd, a nasty smile blooming across his face. “There’s been a great pale wolf preying upon our farms as of late. Asgard has yet to send guards to deal with it,” Thor and Loki exchanged a quick, worried look. “Bring me its pelt and I shall disenthrall you of this blood price.”

Excited by the idea of a hunt, Thor cut over Loki’s dissatisfied noises. “We accept!” Loki sighed loud in his ear. Emboldened and full of ale, Thor pushed the challenge further. “Should we not bring the pelt to thee come morning we shall pay thee with our horses.” Loki’s grip grew painfully tight on Thor’s arm and he quietly snarled. “Two of the finest steeds you shall find in all of the Nine Realms!”

For a long moment the man considered his offer. Finally, he nodded and stowed away his blade. “I accept your wager. But,” he pointed accusingly at Loki, “leave thy steeds here as to not encourage scampering off.”

Grumbling, Loki nodded with clear reluctance. “So it shall be.”

Downing the last of his ale, Thor pulled Loki from the cheering bar and into the dark, cold night.

Almost immediately, Loki turned to snarl at him, “how thick are you? Now we’ve got spend the night out here in the cold hunting some damnable beast!” Kicking a rock into the treeline, Loki kept his complaints from a shout, though barely. “I could have convinced him of a more reasonable offer that didn’t require tromping off into the woods!”

“His offer was fair,” Thor protested, squinting into the night.

But Loki just scoffed. “Do you _ever_ listen to father’s lessons on deal making?” Boots crunching rock underneath, Loki stalked down the road. “Never accept the first offer because it is the worst, _especially_ when they have the upper hand.” Now that Loki spoke, the words did sound familiar.

Refusing to feel bad about the chance for adventure, Thor sniffed, “if you’d truly wanted out you could have just told him who we are.”

Loki turned around just long enough to roll his eyes. “Oh yes, and then they’d surely find out that the royal princes slipped out of a rather important celebration to muck about in some slum town and drink!” Loki’s snippiness hinged on the edge of a pout.

“You’re simply angry because I robbed you of a rutting with that _friend_ you made,” Thor poked, catching up with his brother. He earned a nasty, blushing glare for his troubles and clumsily dodged a punch. “Perhaps should this business resolve itself soon enough then you could still--”

“Ugh! I should tie you to a tree till you sober up and deal with this mess myself. Also,” as they veered into the treeline, Loki burst a pale green bauble to life that shone dimly around them, “if you lose me my horse I shall not let you sleep until you find me a new one to tame. That stallion took me weeks to break.”

Exasperated by his brother’s annoyance, Thor sighed, “but thou art so picky about thy steeds.” He smirked at his own joke

“I’m not about to go around taming goats like somebody--” Loki’s eyes grew wide in the green light and his mouth fell open a bit. “Was _that_ \-- did you just make a-- Thor, you hate it when I make such jokes and then you spew them yourself!”

“I _may_ be a bit drunk, my taste are lowered to your own,” Thor admitted lamely, narrowly avoiding crashing into a low hanging branch as if to emphasize his point. He heard Loki snort quietly as branches snapped underneath them.

They fell into silence as they prowled the forests near the offending farms, searching for signs of the ghost wolf. Made impatient by the warm mead in his stomach and the nipping cold air, Thor barely kept from grumbling. When they found this beast he'd rip it apart for being so elusive. No matter how frustrated he was Loki seemed twice so. His lights bobbed radically, barely serving their purpose to show the way and did more to glint off his daggers, which he nervously flipped between his hands.

After what felt like an eternity of stumbling about in the cold dark, they came upon the carcass of a woolen sheep. Its throat was ripped asunder in a bloody mess, its entrails scattered about half chewed. It stank of fresh blood and wet animal, a rotten mixture. “Eugh,” Thor coughed back the stench while his stomach roiled uncomfortably.

Loki knelt next to the creature, holding a hand across his nose. “Tis recent.” A worried look crossed Loki’s face as he glanced up. “Why would a wolf not finish its meal?”

Sliding a hand across his axe handle, Thor shrugged and muttered “perhaps it was scared off?” He heard Loki hum uncertainly and the lights that bobbed around them multiplied until the entire clearing was illuminated in eerie green. There were massive tracks bounding off westward and Thor inspected them curiously. They were pressed deep in the soft earth, more than a hand across as he held his own out to compare. Whistling, impressed, he eyed a scratched up tree. Its bark was scored oddly, crisscrosses that seemed far too deliberate for a fleeing animal. Unease setting its claws into his back, Thor scooted towards Loki.

Who seemed to be having his own revelation. “Thor… I don’t think this was a wolf. It’s too…” He trailed off, scanning the treeline cautiously. When they crouched back to back, he muttered in Thor’s ear, “an animal who wanted to eat their prey wouldn’t merely abandon it. But if it spreads the blood so other predators can smell and come running it earns a bigger meal.” Loki’s cold logic made Thor shiver.

“You think it’s watching us?” Thor hissed over his shoulder, reluctant to take his eyes off the trees. From the corner of his eye, he saw Loki nod. “Hel,” he cursed low and shifted his grip on his axe.

To the east, a growl like a woman’s scream rang through the forest and raised the hair on Thor’s neck. Whipping towards the sound, he grit his teeth, ready for a fight. His heart pumped like a wardrum in his ears.

All was silent and cold except the slightly rough breathing of Loki beside him.

Then the underbrush behind them rustled and before he could turn, Thor felt a massive weight fling him to the ground. The razor sharp teeth of a massive beast snapped shut, narrowly missing his neck as he struggled to heave off the beast. From under it, he saw only pale white fur and felt its curved claws scoring into his armor as it pinned his arms. Its roar was a horrific scream.

“Cat,” Thor heard Loki shout, “off him!” From under the beast Thor saw one of the green baubles race towards him, now white. He shut his eyes seconds before it burst in a blinding flash. The monster howled and bounded off Thor.

Leaping up, ignoring the blood that ran down his forearms, Thor watched a great mountain lion nearly twice his height,  with snow white fur, black claws like sickles, and gleaming red eyes pounce towards Loki. Thor made to rush the beast but with one step he was on his knees, his vision spinning wildly with colors and his head pounding. Every beat of his heart poured more blood down his arms.

Squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to rid himself of the ailment, Thor saw another white burst from behind his eyelids and heard the cat scream again. Hot blood flecked across Thor’s face and he forced him up in time to see Loki roll to his side and out of the way of the beast’s claws. A crimson slash scored his shoulder and he gasped raggedly.

They locked eyes for a brief moment as Thor struggled to a stand, more careful this time. There was muted anger swirling across Loki’s face that Thor guessed wasn’t wholly for the beast. But Thor ignored it and stood beside Loki as the cat prowled around them.

It had an ugly red mark scoring its great white face that leaked blood down its snout; the culprit dripped scarlet in Loki’s right hand. Every heavy footfall was silent as it watched them and stalked, hissing. The pale green light illuminating them all lent it an ethereal grace that Thor briefly appreciated even while he readied his axe for its neck.

The three of them surveyed each other, waiting to see who would make the first move.

Impatient and bleeding, Thor caught Loki’s eye with a quick jerk of his head. Motioning shortly towards one of the lights, he shadow mimed a plan that leapt to mind.

Loki nodded and flicked his wrist, one of the green baubles lit up as the others had and raced towards the beast. But this time it seemed ready for the thing and leapt upon it, bursting it before it could reach a climax point. Then Loki rushed it and the cat turned on him, teeth at the ready in a terrible pink maw. Thor kept a few paces behind him, grinning viciously. Just before the beast’s claws scored through Loki’s neck, he ducked and slid on the slick grass underneath its huge body.

Thor, now directly in front of an unprepared enemy, hacked down on its head with his full might. And felt his weapon make purchase in bone with a spurt of blood and a final horrific scream. Tugging his axe from the felled beast’s skull, he admired their handiwork.

The cat was massive, far bigger than any like it he’d seen, and its pelt was gorgeous even in death.

“What was it doing up here? It’s far out of where it should be,” Loki muttered, stalking around the thing to sock Thor in the stomach. “You’re hauling this back.” He wiped blood from the cut on his shoulder and winced.

Thor looked at his own oozing wounds and felt their pain for the first time as his heart slowed. The cuts seemed not too deep but already stung like fire. “Not like this, I shan’t.” He glanced up in time to see Loki scowl and slip out a few small healing stones.

“Good thing I won these, then.” Crumbling them in his hands, Loki spread the stones over Thor’s wounds and cool relief flowed through Thor as the wounds began to close. Pink skin laced together what was flayed flesh. “I _was_ going to stow them away but,” Loki pressed the dust of one stone against his own mutilated shoulder, “you’d never let me hear the end of it should I not use them.” Thor grunted in approval, though, between the ale and the cat he’d all but forgotten Loki’s spoils.

“Aye, that I would,” he lied quickly and watched Loki squint at him. Before Loki could contest, Thor hauled the mountain lion across his back, groaning under its weight. “Damn, this thing fed itself well.”

As they stomped back through the dim forest Thor saw Loki smirk. “Yes, well,” his tone was far too smug, “who can resist a nice, plump p--”

“I shall throw this at you should you finish that sentence,” Thor growled as his brother tittered like a bird. “I shan’t let you run free on the heinous murder of comedy simply because I am in a weakened state.”

Still snickering too intently to sound properly wounded by his accusation, Loki nevertheless gasped. “I needn’t remind you of thy own moment of _‘weakness_ ,' do I?” Thor groaned, exasperated. His annoyance only seemed to amuse Loki further. Birdy laughter echoed through the dark, cold woods. Despite Thor’s desire to discourage his brother’s jests, the laughter was infectious and Thor found himself chuckling along.

Their mirth had hardly died by the time they returned to the bar. And it only doubled as cheers erupted upon Thor throwing the cat on the bar in front of the grizzled Aesir. Thor beamed as hands patted him on the back and impressed whistles rang out.

Loki slipped into the seat beside the man, running a hand along the wood grain. “Thy ' _wolf’_ problem has been solved, good sir. I believe you shall find its hide as pristine as we could allow, given the circumstances. Are our debts settled?” His smile was the same kind that dazzled the crowd earlier. It did so now as Thor heard laughter and cheerful murmurs as the old, grizzled man observed the beast and stroked its thick, coarse fur.

“Aye,” the man nodded and Loki’s smile cracked with relief. “But do not presume to play such tricks again, boy, or the price you shall owe will not be paid with the life of a beast.”

Dipping his head, Loki stood with a pleased flourish. “Certainly not.” Pulling back from the bar, Loki slipped to Thor’s side though his eyes scanned the crowd. “We have a few hours before we should depart, enjoy thyself,” he paused, throwing a slim grin at someone out of sight. Thor cleared his throat and returned Loki’s attentions. “Ah- I shall find you upon that time then.”

Before Thor could even think to protest a stranger was handing him a mug of mead and Loki had snuck away into the crowd. The few hours of the night left to them were filled with requests to regale the patrons of his adventure. The more drinks he downed the grander the creature’s viciousness became and the cleverer his victory felt. Songs were sung, occasionally Thor lent his voice, drinks were slung, at one point Thor saw his brother disappear from the bunch. He chose not to dwell upon it as the crowd around him cried for another retelling.

Night blurred into early morn without effort and drowsiness became a warm half-sleep eased by drink and his accomplishments.

A cold hand tugged Thor from his bleary existence on a small bed he didn’t remember renting. “Time to go,” hissed Loki’s voice in his ear. Gritting his teeth, Thor stifled a moan as his body ached. “Agreed,” Loki replied deadpan to his quiet protests.

Not even attempting to clear his foggy head, Thor followed Loki’s lead from the bar, mounted his horse, and rode into the odd light of early morning without a word. It wasn’t until they bought tea on the outskirts of the city and Thor gratefully sipped upon it that he found his voice. “How long do we have ‘till breakfast?”

Loki pulled a hand through knotted dark hair. “Long enough to draw up a bath.” He wrinkled his nose at Thor. “You need it.”

Sniffing himself, Thor had to agree but didn’t wish to give Loki the free insult. “The same could be said for thee, brother. You’re rather… _fragrant_.” He eyed Loki’s haphazardly donned armor, mussed hair, and the suspiciously placed bruises peeking out from under his messy collar. “Enjoyed thyself, I imagine?” The content smirk that curved Loki’s face gave him more than enough of an answer. Swerving close to Loki, he flicked at one of the bruises dotting his neck. “And what shall you tell father when he sees those?”

Loki’s eyes went wide as he slapped Thor’s touch away and clapped a hand to his neck. Though his panic was quickly overcome with an easy grin. “Thor, my illusions are the very reason we were able to escape our duties. Do you truly have so little faith in me that you think I cannot cover up a few… marks.” To prove his point, Loki flicked his wrist and the bruise that Thor had bothered disappeared in a glimmer. Loki threw Thor a smug look and spurred his horse forward.

Laughing, they raced each other back through the empty city streets.

They snuck into the castle under the cover of Loki’s shadows and Thor made it back to his chambers without incident. The bath he drew was delightful in its warmth and he wished to melt into it for an eternity, becoming one with the bubbles and fragrances as his aching muscles relaxed, but far too soon a servant pounded upon his door, informing him of the upcoming breakfast. Sighing loudly he rose and donned fresh clothes. Smoothing back his hair, Thor began to wonder if they’d truly gotten away with such a night when the final test was yet to come.

But if Loki shared his worries, he did not show it. He looked, and smelled, as if he’d done nothing of interest the night prior as they spoke with mother and father over breakfast. Thor found himself impossibly drowsy and more than once ended up staring blankly at his breakfast until a swift elbow from Loki roused him and he proceeded to smile and nod at whatever Frigga had said.

After breakfast, Frigga pulled the two of them aside and Thor began to sweat with worry. The wrath for creeping from their spots would likely be severe. And he how could he tell his friends he let Loki get him in trouble? Beside him, Loki waited patiently for Frigga to speak, smiling serenely. Frigga eyed them inscrutably before brushing back a lock of Loki’s hair. “I must apologize for the tedium of last night but it was necessary.” Thor barely contained a sigh of relief and earned a quick glare from Loki for it. Frigga noticed but merely smiled. “Worry not, Thor, you shan’t have to go through it for another few hundred years, at least. I appreciate how well behaved the both of you were, that made a fine impression upon our guests.”

Loki dipped low and rose, smiling easily. “Of course, mother, we strive to please.” Thor quickly followed his action.

Patting their cheeks, Frigga laughed. “Good boys. Go, you’ve earned a day of rest from your duties.”

When she turned away, Loki turned to Thor with a fiendishly delighted grin. Thor’s heart thumped with astonished relief and he returned the grin Loki threw at him, chuckling low at their wit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a trashy 20 year old back among her fellow trashy 20 year olds it was only a matter of time before I wrote these two being trashy 20 year olds and doing trashy 20 year old things (not including murdering a mountain lion, don't know anyone who's done that)  
> Pls leave feedback if you liked it or whatever! That stuff feels good on the soul.


	9. Bad Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes a nasty combination of crippling self doubt, introversion, and the willful inability to be introspective make people do stupid things and be bad to their friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late Teens

Light shone through the balcony and glimmered off Loki's eyelashes as he stared at the far wall from his bed only half aware of the phenomenon. Somewhere distant the whirl of birdsong lit the afternoon air. A metal contraption he'd commissioned from a jewelry smith tapped out a low tune on his bedside table. The heaviness of sleep that he knew would not come left him listless. Stretching out his left hand into the beam of light crossing his room, Loki watched it set his skin glowing and how it shifted across his knuckles as he clenched his hand into a fist. 

With a sigh he retracted his hand and ran it through his hair, tugging at a small knot until it came undone. Shifting until he lay precariously close to the edge of his unmade bed, Loki mulled through his numerous tasks to be done that might rid him of this unfathomable boredom but rejected each one in turn for inconsequential reasons. Instead he turned to watch how the light struck a set of suspended crystals, throwing miniature rainbows onto the ceiling in shimmering colors, and let himself stare until his vision went fuzzy and unfocused.

This listlessness was crippling. He'd go raving mad under it, of that he was sure.

Muffling a groan, Loki arched his back and resisted the urge to bury himself among his silken pillows. Instead he forced himself up to avoid such a fate as madness. The floor was pleasantly cool against his feet as Loki leaned heavily against his dresser and mustered the will to act. Half-lidded eyes stared at him from his mirror as he smoothed his hair. A dull pain thudded in his chest he thought might be his heart. To make a decision felt like a crushing weight too great to shoulder. Yet to stay here would leave him hours of this aimless agony.

Donning simple clothes, Loki slung his water skin across his back and jogged from his quarters; eager to leave before his mind could convince him otherwise. Stealing fruits and scraps of jerky from the kitchens Loki made it to the stables when he knew no stable hands would be at work tending to the horses. Running his hand down the powerful neck of his dark steed, Loki murmured into its ear, “say we go for a ride, friend, hmm?”

They skirted the marketplace of the city to avoid the masses. Even the people who did greet him as he passed seemed as if they stared through him and Loki felt his chest tighten at the unwanted interaction. He merely smiled at them, tight and fake, and spurred his horse on. He doubted he could manage a conversation even if he desired so.

It wasn't until they left the city that Loki could breathe easy. The light that had shone so brilliantly through his balcony now glinted off the waves to his left as he rose along the jagged cliffs. For long minutes there was nothing but the sound of his mount and the distant lapping of waves. Loki closed his eyes for a moment, soaking in the feeling. When the ground beneath them began to slope down again he slowed his steed. Dismounting in a shaded field, Loki scratched his horse’s muzzle and smiled slightly as it whinnied. “I shall be back,” he muttered into its braided mane.

The forest was cool and calm with approaching autumn. An almost cold breeze ruffled through Loki's hair as he walked. Here the realm felt alive with old, slow life. Nothing had touched the security of these trees for countless millennia; their lives left Loki both feeling small and grateful that he was not among their ranks. His life, listless as he was, moved and changed. He was not stuck as they were, swaying but unable to truly shift.

He pitied them.

Grass turned to rock as the waves, which had faded from hearing, returned like faint whispers. Just before Loki sighed with relief he heard rock crunch somewhere behind him under the unmistakable sound of boots. Spinning around, heart suddenly thumping, Loki scanned the tree line. Holding his breath, Loki conjured a dagger and held it behind his back, waiting.

If some foolish bandit thought he would be an easy target this day would be their last.

Gritting his teeth and loathing the tense wait, Loki swallowed his voice before he could blurt out impatiently. The snapping of a twig sounded from in front of him and he took a step forward only to see a body rush from his right. Twisting, Loki lunged to meet it and slashed out.

Moments before his dagger connected, Loki flinched as he recognized the blonde haired figure.

His flinch gave Thor the precious seconds needed to catch his wrist and throw him to the ground. “Ha, nice to see you too!” Loki's dagger clattered across the rock and grass as he hit the earthy clay hard, bursting fuzzy stars against his vision.

Blinking at the light that filtered through the canopy into his eyes, Loki reigned in his scowl. “You were following me?” By Thor's smug grin Loki knew it to be the truth and silently chastised himself for not noticing sooner.

“We saw you at the stables.”

Standing roughly, Loki ignored his fresh headache. “ _ We? _ Who else is entertaining themselves by stalking me?” As pebbles crunched Loki glanced to the side and scowled, unable to reign in his distaste any longer “Ah, Lady Sif, of  _ course _ .”

She returned his scowl with a suspicious, searching look. “What are you doing out here?”

Unable to rid himself of his newfound headache and guessing it had something to do with the company, Loki turned on heel and stalked towards the sound of waves. When they joined him he relented unwillingly. “I  _ was _ enjoying a moment of peace and quiet. But that is no more.”

Sif merely rolled her eyes but Thor protested. “Well then, we can all enjoy some quiet together.”

“You are incapable,” Loki growled under his breath, not loud enough for either to hear. His head was pounding like a drum. Where the soft coos of birds had been was replaced by crashing footsteps and words that grated like knives against his mind. And he could feel Sif’s accusing stare boring into the side of his head like some incessant bug.

The forest seemed to quiver at their presence; though Loki guessed it had more to do with the squirrels fleeing their voices than anything else.

Even as Thor went quiet enough for Loki to hear the encroaching sounds of the tide, Loki deeply wished to sprint ahead and leave them. But no, they would merely take that as a dare to catch up. It felt like ants crawled underneath his skin. And Sif kept  _ staring _ as if she suspected him of murder.

“What,” he stopped dead to turn on her. “Do you  _ want _ , Sif!” His near shout cut through the still forest and somewhere nearby a bird took off into the sky.

Nothing about his outburst seemed to startle her as she crossed her arms. “Why are we traveling towards the cliffs?” He balked at her question until she prodded him with a finger. “Why were  _ you _ going to the cliffs  _ alone _ , Loki?” They were close enough now to the cliffs that Loki could hear the rush of waves against stone and the wind whistling off the water onto the rock. The edge was just beyond the treeline that was only paces away.

Blinking, speechless in disbelief at Sif’s brazen accusation, Loki took a step away from her. “To  _ think _ . That is- you--” heart beating too quickly in his chest, Loki barked a strained laugh and glanced to Thor for support. But none was forthcoming as Thor only watched him with a small frown. Alone, Loki drew himself up and waved a dismissive hand. “You are delusional. And even if-- there is  _ water _ beneath them, you’d not be able to--” she raised an eyebrow and he flushed. “I do not have to explain my actions.”  _ Do not pretend to care _ , Loki  wanted to spit at her but shut the words down before he could loose them. They would only cause more trouble, something he deeply wished to avoid on the subject.

_That she even dared assume--_ Loki bit the inside of his mouth until he tasted blood and ignored what felt like fear roiling in his stomach. _Ridiculous._

He avoided massaging his headache and ignored her unrelenting frown as they burst from the tree line. His heart fluttered at the sight of the rocky cliffs petering into nothingness and the glint of waves far beneath them, a fine few stories down. Wishing to prove his point, Loki sat stubbornly near the edge and drew his knees up to his chest. With two pairs of eyes trained on his back, the moment was less calming than he imagined and his listlessness curdled to annoyance.

For long minutes Loki sat in silence, fuming. Thor’s shadow fell over him but he dared not look up, instead watching the distant horizon.

Thor scooted to the edge of the cliffs and peered over them. He glanced back up to Loki with a small smile. “I think you are right, the water does appear deep enough for a fine cliff jumping spot. And the cliffs are just the right height.” It was Loki's turn to stare as Thor unlaced his boots and threw them next to Loki. “We are already all the way out here. Why go to all that trouble for naught?” Thor threw his light shirt atop his discarded boots.

“Brother, I do not wish to--” before Loki could finish his refusal he glanced to Sif and found her sharing his skepticism. With a rush of defiance he stood, ignoring the wave of lightheadedness that followed as he tugged at his boots. “Actually that's a delightful idea. Soon it shall be too cold for such things we may as well savor them while we can.” Loki left his shirt beside Thor's but kept his trousers on, all too aware of Sif's likely glare on his back.

Edging near the fall, Loki stared down at the dizzying drop and tried to calm his thudding heart. Rocks shifted under his bare feet as the clay earth dusted around his ankles. Wind blew his hair back and he saw it do the same for the other two. Nervous laughter rose in his throat but Loki caught it, unwilling to appear phased by the drop. Jumping from here, while certainly manageable, would leave a mark should a limb be even a hair out of place.

Thor struck him hard across the back and for a split second Loki thought he would tumble over. “Shall I go or--”

Nasty idea popping to mind, Loki shook his head. “Oh no, it should be I, since I was so  _ kind _ as to lead you out here in the first place.” He was sure to stare pointedly back at Sif as he spoke. Her reaction was little more than a small scowl. 

Stepping forward, Loki teetered on the edge of the cliff and swallowed his pounding heart. Before he could regret his decision, he jumped forward and fell, the air screaming past him like a Valkyrie. Tilting forward, Loki briefly saw the glittering water rushing towards him but before he could think more he parted the surface and felt the waves strike him, jostling his shoulder painfully.

Instead of pushing upwards he struck a kick down into the vibrant green water. He pushed downwards until his ears popped and only then turned to watch the surface through squinted eyes and waited. In the utter silence of submergence he felt as separate from the rest of the realm as if he were in Niflheim. The murk of the water surrounded him utterly, its cold touch sending chills up his spine. His dark hair floated around him, weightless, snaking at the corners of his vision like grasping shadows.

Only moments after his lungs began to call for air, Loki saw a plume of bubbles tear through the water. Far above him he saw Thor come up briefly for air before diving down again. Loki bit his tongue as the protests from his chest grew and grinned as Thor no doubted spotted him floating motionless in the deep. Careful to keep still Loki didn't look at his brother until he felt Thor's strong grasp dig into his wrist. It was only then that Loki turned to Thor and grinned openly.

Thor's panic stricken face melted immediately into anger as he drove upwards, not releasing Loki. Though they were muffled by the water, Loki heard Thor cursing.

When the pair of them broke the surface Thor turned on him, furious as a storm. “Did you think that was  _ funny?!” _

Gasping for air, Loki tugged at Thor's grasp but couldn't free himself. He kicked hard against the water to stay afloat. “Well… a bit,” sure to smile innocently, Loki watched Thor fume and squashed his inklings of guilt. It was their fault for following him out here, after all.

But his flippancy only seemed to further enrage Thor. “No! You cannot- I thought you-- pretending to- it's not funny!” The waves jostled them both but Thor's grip never loosened and Loki squirmed as he struggled against it.

“Neither is following me,” Loki snapped, immediately weary of this battle of wills. He glanced towards the cliffs, hoping to see an easy way up and out of this talk. But there were none, the climb would be long and merciless. “Get off.” Pushing at Thor's grip, now so tight it bruised, Loki pulled towards the cliffside.

Finally, Thor released him. “I worry, brother. You have not joined our friends for festivities in a very long time.” Loki ignored Thor as he drove for the cliffs, blocking his words with the water that lapped around his ears.

But as he studied the cliffs there was no escape. “You should come with us tonight! I can buy your drinks for you,” Thor called out hopefully.

“I can buy my own drinks just fine.” Clay like stone crumbled a bit under his feet but Loki pressed on, rising slowly and carefully.

The unfortunate seriousness again entered Thor's voice. “You are well, yes?” Loki deigned not to answer and ignored his thudding heart beneath his concentration. “It is Sif's opinion that--”

“Sif has many opinions,” Loki shot back. “Does not mean they are correct. I'm  _ fine _ .” Realizing he didn't sound it, Loki paused his climb and took a steadying breath. “I'm fine, Thor, truly. I'm merely busy.”

Though Thor went quiet, Loki guessed it would not last long and was more brought on by the sudden uphill scramble they found themselves faced with.

Their climb was long and arduous. More than once Loki lost his tenuous grip on the red rock and slipped, narrowly catching himself. He dared not look down at Thor when it happened for he could already feel Thor watching him like a hawk. A sharp edged rock scored into his palm as Loki hissed as he drew back to eye his bloodied hand. Wiping away clay red mud and blood onto his soaking trousers, Loki briefly inspected the laceration before continuing on and throwing a warning to Thor.

By the time he heaved himself onto solid ground, Loki’s arms were shaking from the exertion. Sitting up but not wishing to rise, Loki faced the water. He picked bits of stone from his slashed palm and dully watched blood well and drip onto the wet ground, all the while ignoring Sif, who watched him with tightly crossed arms.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Thor haul himself onto the rocks. For a quick moment they had peace as Thor gasped for breath but far too quickly he stood and towered over Loki. “I am not done with you.”

Loki snorted, “no?” But said no more. Glaring at the ground he waited for Thor’s outburst.

“Why would you do that?!” No longer mitigated by the waves, Thor’s fury crashed down upon Loki, who flinched. “Are you out of thy mind?!” Quelling an unadvised smirk, Loki moved on to stare at the surf far below them. For a second Thor went quiet.

“Loki, look at me!” Jerking his head up, Loki wiped away his glare to a blank stare but narrowly avoided wincing at Thor’s own disappointed look.

Standing, Loki bristled. “Perhaps I was merely returning the favor of a headache! You followed me when I did not wish it as if I were a child; I am not incapable, Thor!”

Anger hardened slightly within Thor's face as he grit his teeth. “I never said anything of the sort!”

“There's no need to, your thoughts are obvious.” Grabbing his shirt from the ground, Loki threw it on over his head. In the split second he had surrounded and shielded by the green cloth, Loki bit his lip and attempted to compose himself. When he emerged though, Thor's baffled stare did little to help the matter.

Either Thor was willfully ignorant to his own actions or was lying. Loki wasn't sure which option was worse.

Thor grabbed for him as he tugged at his boots but pulled short last second. “Loki, these moods you work yourself into-- I do not follow your thinking.” As Loki slung his water skin across his back, Thor's strained laughter echoed across the waves. “We merely wished to entertain your presence. You overreact.”

For the briefest moment Loki opened his mouth to snap a reply but instead stilled his tongue and smoothed his face. Staring blandly out past Thor to the glimmering waves, he briefly juggled the notion of jumping off the cliff and seeing how far he could swim before the pair caught him. “Perhaps,” Loki turned his disinterested gaze on Thor and reveled silently in his level tone. “You may be right. What is one day among thousands?”

His excuse, for that's what it was, clearly sounded fine enough for Thor, who smiled at him, brilliant as the light glinting off the waves. “Aye, my thoughts exactly.” The brilliance Loki basked in ended abruptly as Thor turned to Sif, leaving Loki cold and empty. “Do you not agree?”

“Of course,” Sif replied though Loki hardly listened. As soon as she closed her mouth he turned and stalked into the trees. They soon followed paces behind, freed of their inconsequential crisis of conscious by his false concession. 

Thor's voice, while the loudest sound in a league, did not quite grate as he chatted with Sif. Loki found himself able to tune the pair of them into an almost pleasant hum. Though they frightened the birds, Loki still saw the occasional deer peering at them between the trees. Paying more mind to the dappling of the light through the leaves above him than the path he knew by heart, it wasn't until Thor's laughter quieted that Loki thought to eavesdrop.

“That was stupid,” Sif snapped quietly. “To provoke him to jump off that cliff.” Tensing, Loki stuttered mid-step but dared not glance back. He kicked at a rock and it clattered into the forest. “I could have guessed at that outcome," she muttered. "You know reckless he gets when he’s like this.”

Thor's response was hesitant and Loki strained to hear. “I meant what I said.”

_ Yes, and what more than that, _ Loki thought to himself, scowling. Because there had to be more than just what was said. Odin had taught them both that much. That Thor pretended otherwise frustrated Loki to no end. Even now, when he was whispering behind Loki's back, he remained so willfully oblivious to it.

Others, at least, had the dignity to say what they felt when they believed he was not around.  _ He eats more with his eyes than his stomach and still he seems lean for secrets as if there were no finer dish,  _ Volstagg’s murmurings sounded in Loki's ear.  _ You cannot be surprised, he's always been like that, _ surfaced Fandral’s reply.

As if they were better than him. As if they cared.

“Loki, Loki are you well?” Sif's voice jolted him from thought and Loki realized he'd been shaking, his hands trembling at his sides. He turned stiffly to find them both staring at him with mingled concern; though Sif's gaze lingered on suspicion.

Smiling, he nodded. “I thought for a moment that I had taken a wrong turn.” For effect he glanced around at the familiar treeline. “I was mistaken.” Before they had a chance to question him, Loki quickly returned to the path.

Finding his horse beside theirs, Loki rode with them back to the city, mostly silent. The sparing few questions directed his way he answered shortly, saving himself the effort. With the pair of them he could not avoid the bustling main streets, now swinging with activity near evening but found even less greetings than his deliberately quiet exit as he was lost in Thor's glow.

He smirked to himself as they rode, bitterly amused that Thor managed to outpace his carefully planned strategy just by  _ being _ .

By the time they returned to the castle there were precious few moments of peace in his room as he changed to more formal attire appropriate for dinner. Splashing water from his washbasin across his face, Loki gripped its stone edge tight and hunched over it, staring at his rippling reflection. As he heaved a sigh, a strand of hair fell out of place and he moved to push it back, catching a flash of his teeth in the reflection, only to jerk to a stop, again hearing Thor’s friends in his ear.

_ That wolf-grin he does makes me nervous, like he's planning some trick to break your legs and ready to laugh while you deal with it, _ Fandral’s voice echoed over loud.  _ You think he does it on purpose? _ Loki sucked in a quick breath, shaking his head in an attempt to rid himself of the memory. To no avail as he practically felt Hogun’s unflinching nod.  _ Gives me the shivers. Why does he do it? _

A knock came at Loki's doors; the reminder of the quickly approaching evening feast. But even as Loki started for the door he heard Hogun’s reply.  _ Because he is Loki. _ Ignoring his thudding heart and the ringing in his head, Loki opened the door to dismiss the servant with a lazy smile, or what he hoped was so. “I am aware and shall be down shortly.”

Closing the door a bit too similarly to a slam, Loki slumped against its cool surface, head back; allowing himself only a moment to quell his rebellious thoughts before sweeping from his chambers and keeping his chin high.  Thor met him in the hallway outside the feast hall, as was their tradition. Thor's smile shone brighter than any of the torches lining the walls and the pale imitation that Loki mustered felt insincere by comparison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks so much for all of the kind comments left on these other stories it really means a lot to me. This fic collection is definitely the most fun to get comments on because of the diversity. I'm currently being crushed under schoolwork and personal stuff so I can't promise any consistency but I do love writing these.


	10. Battle Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor awoke to a pounding headache. Muffling a groan into his arm, he shut his eyes tight, willing himself to fall back into slumber. Even as he lay, face buried in his arm, he felt the light from his balcony pouring across his blanket and warming him like an oven. Basking in the warmth, Thor curled in on himself only to grunt as a dull pain shot along his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early-Mid Twenties

Thor awoke to a pounding headache. Muffling a groan into his arm, he shut his eyes tight, willing himself to fall back into slumber. Even as he lay, face buried in his arm, he felt the light from his balcony pouring across his blanket and warming him like an oven. Basking in the warmth, Thor curled in on himself only to grunt as a dull pain shot along his side.

With one hand, he felt for the cramp that no doubt ailed him. Instead his fingers found rough linen and cold metal. Frowning, he squinted past his exhaustion. The sight he beheld confused. An old oak blocked his vision but a forest rose up behind it. Glancing slowly down, Thor saw his armor, the metal of it dirtied and bloodied. What he thought was a blanket was the crimson of his cape thrown across him.

Concern breaking slowly through his bleariness, Thor tried to sit up but the dull pain in his side tripled and he let out a soft moan.

“Thor!” Loki's voice sounded over-loud and in a moment his brother’s face hovered over him. Thor stared, head fuzzy with exhaustion and what he was beginning to suspect as blood loss, at Loki's scowl. “Why would you do that? Norns, I thought--” Loki shook his head.

Thor opened his mouth to speak but found his tongue stiff and uncooperative. Instead he stared at Loki, slowly taking in the dirt smeared under Loki's left eye and the gash across his cheekbone. Loki snapped fingers in front of Thor's face. “Thor, Thor can you hear me?” Loki's eyes were wide and he chewed nervously with his lip even as he commanded Thor to answer.

With a force of will, Thor nodded and reigned in his tongue. “Aye…” Loki's sigh of relief was palpable. “What happened?” Even the two words strained Thor's threat and he ended up coughing. The metallic taste of blood filled his mouth. Scowling, Thor spit it up beside Loki's knees.

At his grimace, Loki flinched and reached for a small rucksack. “The raider camp,” he said as he rummaged through it. He glanced back, eyes shrouded. “ _ Somebody _ decided it would be a fine idea to ignore the plan and take half the men by themselves with their  _ fancy hammer _ .” Anger seeped from Loki's words as he pulled out a small stone from the pack, barely the size of a cherry seed. 

At the mention of Mjolnir, Thor jerked, gritting his teeth as his side protested. He glanced wildly around the camp, searching for the silver hammer. “Where?”

It almost looked like Loki blushed. But before Thor could see properly, Loki ducked his head and threw off the cape covering Thor. “Left it where you dropped it.” As Loki began to unwrap the linen bandages crisscrossing Thor's midsection he looked up but didn't meet Thor's eye. “Couldn't… lift it.”

The more linen Loki pulled away the greater Thor's side throbbed until he dug his nails into his palms and grit his teeth to keep from groaning. He looked down when the last of the bandages were off to see congealed blood caking his midsection and a split in his armor just below his ribs that still leaked the stuff. “Damn,” he mumbled. Loki crumbled the tiny healing stone into dust and pressed it against the wound. At his touch, fire raced across Thor's body. “That hurts!”

Rolling his eyes, Loki frowned at him. “Yes, well getting stabbed and bashed in the head by an axe butt shall do that,” he snipped impatiently.

Slightly chastised, Thor quieted as a cooling sensation spread from the crumbled healing stone and some of the throbbing pain lessened. Again trying to sit, Thor found that he could, though Loki's hand hovered just off his back. Peering down, Thor saw the blood oozing from the wound slow to a stop though the wound itself didn't close over.

He turned to Loki only to find him watching the wound nervously. “That's all it shall do, I think. I didn't bring very many and I already used the others on thy head.” Thor reached up, ignoring the strain, and felt new skin just below his hairline. His gaze lingered on Loki's own gash.

“What… what about you?” He motioned to the bleeding wound when Loki frowned with confusion. 

“Oh, it's not that bad.” Loki waved a dismissive hand. When Thor struggled to stand, he leapt up and pressed down upon Thor's shoulders like an anchor. “Stop. You'll open--”

With a sharp gasp Thor felt pain like a splitting tree rush through his midsection and slumped over. “Damn it.” Holding his bloodied side, Thor heard Loki growl with exasperation. Laying back again, Thor peered around the clearing. Muddled as he felt, he knew this was no raider camp. “Where are we?”

Shrugging, Loki glanced around. “A ways from the settlement.”

“You carried me?”

Loki laughed, a short, sharp sound that echoed in the treetops. “Not  _ alone _ . Sif helped after we cleaned the camp.” A strange curiousness crossed Loki's face. “You really cannot remember?” When Thor shook his head, the look vanished.

“Sif, where is she?” Memories returning slowly, Thor wrestled with the feeling of cold steel running him through. But the mention of his friend pulled him back. The muddled memory of the three of them traveling struggled to the surface of his thoughts.

After a moment of hesitation, Loki pointed westward. “There's a town that way. She went to ask for more healing stones.”

“Why did you not simply call for Heimdall?”

At this suggestion, Loki reddened. Wiping mud from his face, Loki only responded to the trees past Thor's head. “We had it under control. And I would have called had I thought it was dire.”

“It  _ feels _ fairly dire.” Even as he spoke, Thor grit his teeth against his splitting side.

“You're fine,” Loki snapped. Though moments later he tensed and looked away. “Quicker you summon that hammer the sooner we can leave. I didn't want us coming back with you so injured.” Loki toyed with his hair, running a hand through it. “Imagine what father would say. He'd have Einherjar assigned to us like hawks.” With a tight smile, Loki turned back to him.

Begrudgingly, Thor nodded. “You're probably right.” With Loki's help he sat back up, drawing his legs beneath him. Holding out a hand, Thor called into the forest. “Mjolnir!” Within seconds he felt the hum of the hammer in the air and grinned. Soon as the hammer smashed through the treeline Loki dropped to the ground with a small yelp. Mjolnir returned to Thor's hand as thunder pealed out across the clear sky. Even with his side throbbing, holding the weapon he'd earned so newly made him feel right and powerful. Like lightning itself.

Rising, Loki’s face wavered on strange blankness. “Well, that's Sif’s signal that you wake.” 

But when Thor attempted to stand, his side betrayed him and he crashed to the ground, cursing loud into the silent forest. 

Loki kneeled and picked at the wound; worry seeped through his eyes even as his face stayed calm. “I didn't think… why'd you have to do this? Without healing stones- and Sif will be coming back.” He almost muttered to himself. “She’ll expect you to look better than this.”

Watching Loki's worries with a soft frown, Thor rested his free hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Could you not heal me? I've seen you do such things without healing stones.”

Looking uncertain, Loki grimaced. “It's far riskier.”

“You are nothing if not a natural at your craft,” Thor offered. “I have faith in that talent.” He smiled encouragingly. For effect, he winced at the tearing pain of his side.

Pinned under his compliments and visible discomfort, Loki relented. “Fine, brother.” Taking a deep breath, Loki pressed his hands flat against the gash and Thor tried his hardest not to squirm. Brilliant white light poured from between Loki's fingers and the sensation of slipping into cool water, the invigorating rush to his senses, ran over Thor. He felt his skin knit together like a fierce tickle. When the light faded, Loki slumped against his chest. “That should… should hold,” he mumbled wearily.

Alarmed, Thor grasp him by the neck and felt a new sheen of sweat. “Are you well?” He struggled to think when Loki had done the spellcraft before on such a scale.

Loki's lips split into a clumsy grin as he rocked away from Thor and onto his heels. “Always. Nothing I cannot sleep off.” He chuckled at his own statement as Thor watched on, frowning.

Before Thor could respond, Sif burst through the trees and rushed him. “Thor, you're awake.” She scanned his midsection quickly. Her left eye was bruised and her nose bled but she seemed uninjured otherwise.

Rising under his loaned strength, Thor smiled. “I should think so.” He ignored how his knees wobbled and how the fresh skin of his abdomen stretched and strained. That would be a problem for the healers. “Should we be going? It seems we've had our share of fun.” Beside him, Loki rose near as unsteady.

Sif made no efforts to conceal her glare, an action that left Thor unsure of what had prompted it this time. “Yes,” she replied curtly before turning softer as she returned to him. “That seems fair. We have quite the story for the boys.”

Throwing off his concerns, Thor grasp Mjolnir tight and turned his face skyward. “Heimdall, open the Bifrost!”

With a roar of colors and energy, they were sucked away.

As Thor staggered against the unyielding metal of the observatory, he looked up to Heimdall. “Many thanks, gatekeeper.” 

Heimdall’s golden eyes bore through him for a long moment. “You've been busy.” He turned his gaze to Sif and Loki in turn before addressing the air. “I would suggest the healers inspect those wounds so that they do not grow infected. I've seen many such afflictions from this group you eradicated.”

Nodding, Thor glanced nervously to Loki and Sif, the latter of whom returned the look. “Again, thank you.” As if spurred by the mention of infection, Thor's side began to itch.

The healers fretted over them for what felt like ages. Rank smelling poultice was smeared across the new skin that Loki had woven and another healer checked his head with a test of spells. Sif escaped early, having only earned a few bashes and bruises. She grinned mockingly at them as she disappeared and Thor threw a fake scowl her way before chuckling to himself. Beside Thor, one of the healers smeared the poultice across the red gash on Loki's cheek.

Loki took the attention without words, though Thor noted how he coiled in on himself, ready to flee at a moment's notice. When Sif had left he made no efforts to say goodbye. The healing chambers had never been among his favorite wings of the castle, that much Thor knew. Though the few times Thor caught Loki watching him carefully from the seemed to have nothing to do with that nervousness.

In an effort to lighten his brother's sour mood, Thor elbowed him and pointed towards one of the healers who'd been tending him. “She complimented your work,” he nodded down to his healed wound. “Said it was well done.”

A small, pleased smile flickered briefly across Loki's face. “And why do you sound so surprised? Of course it was.”

When they were finally free they only fell into the clutches of Frigga, who fretted over them mercilessly until dinner feast. There, at least, they found some solace in numbers. Even there, though, Thor noticed Loki's strange quiet never faded. It wasn't until the end of the feast that Odin confronted the pair of them. For a brief moment Thor expected some harsh rebuke for a foolish decision he could not remember. But Odin merely commented on their fine work and left Thor glowing as he sat with his friends late in the night.

Fandral stared enviously at the bruise on Sif’s forehead. “Gah, I wish we could have been there. Sounds like quite the fight.”

Chuckling, Thor nodded. “I'm sure it was; if I could remember.” The Warriors Three laughed easily. From the corner of his eye, Thor caught sight of Loki working on some carving. He'd been lurking on the edge of their circle for hours like some strange specter, the behavior was odd even for him. “What say you, Loki? Was it a fine fight?”

Starting, Loki’s green eyes gleamed against the firelight. “I suppose.” His knife glinted as he twirled it in his hands.

“That's all!?” Fandral protested, mouth ajar in outrage. “The silvertongue says naught?” From a pint of ale, Volstagg snorted.

Smiling appreciatively, Thor ignored their taunts. “He might say not, but his healing even managed to coax a compliment from that old crone of a healer, Hilda.” At his open compliment, Loki flushed and quickly went back to his carving.

Sif smirked. “Oh yes, what a fine  _ healer _ you’d make. Perhaps that's thy true calling, Loki. You should pursue it, I’m sure the healers would love to have you.” Her voice was teasing, but with a razor edge that made Thor frown.

The teasing laughter of his friends echoed across the room. 

With a jolt and a hiss, Loki looked up. Thor watched blood drip from his fingertip where the knife had caught improperly and jerked to his hand. Loki's flush deepened as the firelight cast shadows across his eyes. “Yes well,” he snapped, flicking his wrist so that his dagger vanished. “I'm going to bed so if you could manage not to impale yourselves while I'm gone, that'd be stellar.” He stalked abruptly from the room as the laughter died.

Thor watched him go, stomach sinking. With a sigh, he turned to Sif. “For what purpose did that serve? You cannot deny that he helped.”

“He wouldn't have needed to had he not gotten you hurt in the first place.”

Confused, Thor tilted his head. The Warriors Three listened on intently. “Excuse me?” By Loki’s words he'd rushed in by himself.

Frowning, Sif glanced past him to the doorway, as if to ensure Loki was not lurking. “You remember nothing then?” Thor shook his head, only the faintest memories of the battle remained. “It was his idea for you to charge in like that. I mean… you did take out quite a number of them with Mjolnir.” She paused to eye the hammer appraisingly. “But if he hadn't urged you to do so, we could have emerged unscathed.”

Laughing in disbelief, Thor crossed his arms. “I'm sure it was a miscalculation on his part. And I could have said no.”

Sif nodded. “Likely. But not admitting that guilt? Of course he didn't want to involve Heimdall until you were a mite recovered. Imagine the speech he would have gotten.” Thor shuddered, it was not a stretch of the imagination to do so. “I mean, he's also clearly jealous of Mjolnir.”

“Can't say I blame him,” Volstagg interrupted. Beside Thor, Hogun mumbled his agreement.

Sif conceded with a shrug. “I think he wished to test your limits, its limits.” Firelight reflected off Mjolnir as Thor lifted it. “Your health be damned.”

The idea was preposterous. “Perhaps. But I  _ should _ test its capabilities. And had the injury been grave enough I am certain Loki would have called for Heimdall.” Thor said firmly. His stomach clenched at the thought of anything else

Sif seemed to surrender and nodded despite the sympathy in her eyes that Thor knew he did not need. “I should hope.” What she left unsaid, though, left Thor unsteady.

There had been a measure of guilt in Loki's eyes, that was unmistakable. Shaking his head, Thor buried the thought. “Methinks  _ I _ know my brother best.” He knew how defensive he sounded but cared not. “Do not be ridiculous, Sif.”

For a long moment there was terse silence as Sif stared into the fire.

It was finally broken by Fandral’s snickering. “Like he says. C’mon Sif, just because Loki cuts thy hair off doesn't mean he'd purposely do something like  _ that _ . It's just Loki being Loki.”

Relaxing, Thor smiled as the others agreed, Sif too managed a small, tight smirk. “That it is.”


	11. Näkki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gods and elves and dragons aren't the only mythological creatures out there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late Teens- Early Twenties

Alfheim’s dark night skies opened high above Thor, the only light on the vast moor pouring from the swath of stars above him. The caravan he traveled with was stopped in the middle of a hilly field of lush, knee high grass that whisked in the low wind. As Thor sat by the edge of the caravan, swinging his feet through the turf and staring dully into the night for signs of life he knew were not there, he heard the rustling of fabric behind him.

Glancing back, he saw Loki emerge from a caravan wagon, barely visible in the dim light. Waving a hand to alert Loki of his position, Thor waited until his brother joined him at the edge of the troupe to speak. “I was not aware you had lookout duty tonight.”

Loki took a moment to respond as he drug a hand across his face, sighing heavily. “I do not. But neither can I sleep in there.” Turning to the stars, Loki ‘ _tutted_.’ “I still think we should have taken skiffs. I know Alfheim has few but they could have spared them. It would have made the journey far quicker.” In the dim light, Thor saw Loki wrinkle his nose. “And less pungent.”

Smiling, Thor listened to his brothers complaints. “Would you like to sneak up on a dragon in his own element? We would have been snatched from the air long before we could fulfill our task.” He heard Loki grumble intelligibly and ignored the likely snide remark. “We’ve already earned the honor of hunting this problem dragon; if that means we must sleep and travel so slowly, then that I can bear.”

As Thor spoke, Loki leaned against the thick leather of the caravan wagon’s side Thor perched upon, shutting his eyes but still clearly too listless to find sleep. “They're most certainly making this more difficult on us, nevertheless.” There, Thor could not argue.

“I do not even understand why they must be so stringent on guard shifts,” he admitted, weary from hours of dull inaction. “With a few wards no animal could touch us. And the dragon is still at least a day’s ride west.”

But Loki merely bobbed his head noncommittally and stretched his arms high above him. “Mmm, I overheard the wagon leaders speaking of some old superstition about these parts.”

“You would.” Even in the dark Thor saw the half hearted glare Loki shot him. “Do continue,” he prompted after it became clear Loki would stay stubbornly silent at his interruption.

After a last annoyed beat of silence, Loki crossed his arms and spoke. “They were being rather vague, _annoyingly_ so. Something about creatures luring fools into the water. Like the old näkki tales mother used to tell us of.”

Alarmed, Thor straightened and glanced out towards the moors. “The music men? Those are only stories.”

Loki nodded. “Aye. But stories must come from somewhere, mustn't they?”

“Why would the wagon men not tell us this?” Growing angry at the oversight, Thor glared briefly but heatedly back at the circled wagons. He liked being kept in the dark no more than he liked the threat of being whisked into the unknown by some malevolent force.

It seemed his brother shared his misgivings, as Loki smirked bitterly. “I did _say_ I thought they were making this harder on us than was needed.”

“I doubt father would give us his permission to embark on some quest that passed through the territory of such creatures.” The thought was a reassuring one and gave him fresh confidence to brush away the newly sprung worries. “Wagon men love gossip near as much as sailors and soldiers.”

Loki looked less convinced. “At least their gossip is new,” he muttered, a mite bitterly. “And who's to say that father doesn't know? Say this is a test of his own making.”

The idea was absurd enough for Thor to laugh at. “Don't be absurd. Father would not want us imperiled against something we cannot fight. Where's the fairness in that?” Again watching the dark, rolling hills, Thor sighed as his chuckles subsided. “Besides, he would have given us some warning were that so.”

“Mmmhh,” Loki hummed doubtfully, fatigue not hiding his skepticism.

“You're overly pessimistic.”

“Someone must be.” Despite his dourness, Loki flashed a white grin that nearly glowed in the pale blue starlight.

Thor rolled his eyes. “The closest lake is near a league from here, fool. There's nowhere for them to lure victims to.” Though he felt sure of this, the shadows of the night crept anew into the corners of his vision and he kept a rigid hand on his axe.

Such tenseness Loki picked up on, leaping to his feet with new life and a sudden gleam about his eyes. “Sure, that we _know_ of.” He waded through the knee high grass with ease, imitating a stalking wolf. “Say nothing of what we know not?” Dim light glinted off of his hair as he stepped further from the wagons.

Loki’s retreat, theatrical as it was, made Thor's hands itch. The darkness threatened to swallow his brother utterly.

“Loki, stop it,” Thor called out as he slipped further into the night. Under the moonless sky and with dark leather armor, Loki vanished easily. With a growl, Thor jumped up and stalked into the moors. “Loki, come back!” Careful to keep an eye on the caravans, Thor's hand crept towards his axe.

The chill of the night ran down Thor's spine as wind seemed to whisper across the moor. “Loki!” Unwilling to be intimidated by the night, Thor continued forward.

Suddenly, an orb of blindingly white light burst forth mere paces from Thor. With a roar, he stumbled back, shutting his eyes tight to the unflinching glare even as he saw the orb in echoes on his vision. As he shielded himself the whine of violins kicked up on the air and sent Thor's heart pounding. Forcing himself to squint against the light, Thor readied his axe and spun, searching for the source of his agonies. But the light bleached his vision and he could see naught. The strings pitched feverously until it was all Thor heard.

But the screeching tune played on and Thor knew it with a jolt of relief and frustration. Dropping his wary stance, Thor called out. “Loki, I know this is thy doing.” The song dipped but did not die and so Thor shouted again. “I recognize the tune, dunce!”

Instantaneously, the violin song vanished and the blinding orb dimmed. Loki emerged from the dark, frowning. “You steal my fun.”

“I do not think that thy fun should hinge on such antagonization.” Thor glared half-heartedly at Loki, who was bleached by the light. “I hope you are pleased with yourself.” Attempting to let his eyes adjust, Thor squinted past Loki into the darkness. “I’ve lost the caravan.”

Indeed, despite Thor’s annoyance, Loki was smirking to himself. “Oh, yes, I quite am.” Snapping his fingers, Loki extinguished the light and Thor saw it appear far from them, alighting atop the wagons like a beacon. “Thy duty awaits.”

His smugness hinged on unbearable and Thor growled a warning. “You keep speaking and I'll ensure you find yourself on watch shift next.”

Unphased, Loki clasp his hands together in false dismay. “Oh woe is me, then I shall lose the sleep I already lack; how _cruel_ , you _fiend_.” He ducked a swung fist from Thor and popped up, only more wickedly delighted.

“By the Norns, my misery is unceasing.” Thor stalked past Loki, sure to not look at him, such a move he knew would annoy. Well enough, as Loki bounded to catch up, delight dipping into clear displeasure. “If your distractions cause some great tragedy to befall that caravan I shall not hesitate to hold that above you for the rest of our lives.” It was Thor's turn for smugness as he glanced sideways at his brother, knowing he had the upper hand.

At this, Loki nervously glanced about. “Do not be ridiculous.”

“ _Me!_ Ridiculous?” Socking his brother in the shoulder, Thor chuckled away some of his bubbling annoyance. “Do those words know who's lips they fall from?” Loki merely quirked his mouth to a small frown.

When Thor turned to gauge their progress, he felt uncertainty jolt through his stomach as his mirth died.

It seemed with each step they took towards the wagons another five pushed them away. Even as he walked, the bauble of light pressed farther away. The knee high grass brushed against his legs in a low hum.

“Thor…” Loki's voice was hesitant.

“If this is your doing, you've done enough.” Glaring at Loki, Thor grabbed his arm tight. Only when he saw the truth about Loki's eyes that Thor loosened his grip. Glancing between the illusion of retreating wagons and his brother, Thor gulped and steeled himself. “Alright then; it's witchery, solve it.”

Barking a tight laugh, Loki waved his free hand. “That's not-- have you _ever_ listened to a word our instructors said about--” The whine of strings carried on the still air. Loki's lips drew up to a thin line. “Oh, Hel.” Even before the curse dropped from his mouth, a deep, heavy fog rolled in around them; so thick Thor lost his hands in front of his face. To his left, Loki gripped his wrist tight.

In the fog, the whine of strings was distant and otherworldly, nowhere near the clear, familiar tune of Loki’s hoax. What breeze had rushed across the moors died away and left only the music that thrummed through Thor’s body with the pulse of his heart.

“ _Run_ ,” Loki hissed in his ear.

And despite that Thor longed to fight this foe, they ran. Loosing himself from Loki’s grasp, Thor bolted for what he hoped was the caravan. Beside him he heard Loki’s ragged breathing. They ran for what felt like an age, adrenaline rushing to the twisted wail of the strings.

But when stone crunched under Thor’s boots instead of grass, he slowed to a stop. Wary, with the sound of strings still at his back, Thor gripped his axe tight. Taking slow steps forward, he readied himself. And plunged knee deep into an unseen lake. Thor’s heart jumped to his throat as the frigid water lapped him. “Damnit! Loki stay--” he cut his warning off. “Loki?”

No reply came.

Instead the strings that had been firmly behind him rang out from all around, loud as a screeching Valkyrie.

Stumbling back out of the water, Thor glared into the fog. “Foul ones, reveal thyselves! Such tricks shall not work on me!”

For a moment the fog thinned and Thor jumped as he saw a figure detach itself from the mist, not quite formed. “No tricks.” It’s voice was smooth, rich as honey, slow and confident. It took a step forward, still just a dark silhouette. “We know you.” As Thor glanced around he saw more figures reach from the fog. “Know what you do. What you desire.”

The mist beasts closed in closer and Thor snarled at them. “Only the Norns know such things. They you are not.”

The one who spoke began to change until Thor saw his brother standing ankle deep in the fogged lake. The beast stole his hoarse, tired voice. “Are you sure?” It took another step forward in Loki's gait but Thor menaced the thing with his axe, snarling.

“Do _not_ ; unless you wish me to rid you of thy arms.” The creature retracted its step, its form shimmering with mist.

Instead it hummed and with its hum against came the sound of strings. “The hammer that sits, cold, unused in thy vault.” A chill ran down Thor’s spine. “That which you pursue; that which you hunt this dragon for. That _worthiness_.” Gulping at the word, Thor tightened his grip on his axe and lowered himself, ready to attack. But the näkki simply continued, still wearing Loki’s form. “The hammer, the throne, thy family. What are you willing to lose?”

At this, Thor took the first step forward, longing to strike. “Your threats do not scare me.”

The näkki laughed in Loki’s voice, it made Thor’s skin crawl with horror. “No threats, Odinson.”

Suddenly an ice cold hand scratched at Thor’s neck and he spun, swinging his axe. The heavy blade passed through a misty näkki which hissed and disappeared. Confidence renewed with the knowledge that they could be bested, Thor swung for another who strayed close and laughed as it vanished with a splash. Hacking through one after the other Thor watched those not struck down flee into the black lake.

His axe found itself at the neck of the näkki who stole his brother’s image and Thor hesitated. Mist rose from the creature as it split into a mocking smile, crueler than any he’d seen before on his brother's face. "You do not like _losing_ , Odinson. I pity you.” Before Thor could swing, the thing returned to its misty silhouette and vanished into the night.

He stood alone, shaking with rage as the fog cleared to the clear night that had been. Ducking his head, Thor growled at the water lapping around his feet. “I do not _need_ your pity.” Spitting, he stepped back onto dry land.

When he glanced to his hands he found them white-knuckled and quivering around the handle of his weapon.

To his right he heard coughing and he spun. Loki skidded down the side of the cove and though Thor wished to relax he held at the ready, wary. Looking soaked to the skin, Loki scowled at him. “There-” his eyes flicked to Thor’s axe. “ _What_ are you doing?”

His confused, indignant tone calmed Thor. “I thought… I was unsure if you were you.”

Wiping back his sopping hair, Loki scoffed. “I'm sorry?”

“It was--” Thor stopped to eye his brother, who dripped onto the rocks. “What did you do, fall in the lake?”

With a moment of hesitation, Loki shrugged. “The fog was thick.” He shivered, staring out at the dark, lapping waves.

“But the näkki; how did you escape them?” Thor gripped Loki's shoulder. The solidness of it was a final relief and a far distance from the lying näkki who had taken his form.

Going still under his touch, Loki looked briefly grim. “Turns out they do not appreciate a bit of light. A few bursts of the stuff and they flee like children.” His grimness turned to an easy smirk.

But the näkki’s words haunted Thor's thoughts as he squinted at his brother. “Did they… speak to you?” He saw Loki’s eyebrows shoot up.

Flicking his wrist to dry his armor with a spell, Loki laughed. “I was underwater, not quite the _place_ for trading conversation.” He quirked his head at Thor. “They spoke to you?”

Finding himself suddenly at a loss for words, Thor merely nodded.

Loki watched him for a long moment, eyes searching. “They're just beasts. Whatever they said were lies, I'm sure.” He glanced up from where they'd ran. “We should be returning.” He bounded up the low incline, waiting at the top, gaze still almost looking through Thor rather than at him.

Following, Thor groaned as he saw just how far they'd fled from the caravan, with Loki's beacon bobbing like a tiny star across the grass. “Can you be sure of that?”

“Clearly they only speak to lure their prey in and pry at their heads.” Loki's flippancy sounded forced as he again glanced back to Thor. “They just want their next meal.”

Their march fell into silence for a time. Yet, Thor could not shake the words he'd heard; they burrowed under his skin like gnats. He had _no_ intention of losing any such thing that the näkki had threatened. And he'd loath to be any who'd attempt to take those things from him.

“What,” Loki finally asked as they approached the wagons, “did they say to you?” It was a question Thor had been dreading. Loki's eyes glinted with veiled curiosity as he turned, reflecting the pale starlight.

Attempting to gather his thoughts, Thor bit his lip. “They spoke of the throne and Mjolnir,” he offered. He spoke not of promised ruin. It would not come to pass, informing Loki of it would only cause undue stress.

Clicking his tongue, Loki nodded, but said nothing. As they finally returned to the circled wagons Loki's voice slipped to a whisper. “Mmm, not a hard assumption to guess what you'd want.” Thor was unsure whether the insult was intentional and so said nothing as Loki continued. “They're clearly intelligent. Perhaps they have some crude method of picking apart our minds. I should…” He trailed off, muttering to himself.

Nodding, more to appease Loki than in agreement, Thor returned to his lookout stop, no longer so bored as he had been. “I suppose.” His non-committal reply made Loki scowl. “Oh, brother, I know you’re correct. My mind just takes poorly to such machinations when they do not come from you.” At the compliment Loki brightened slightly, as Thor had hoped he would. Under the light of the pale beacon he saw how Loki still shivered at the chill. His eyes were shadowed with fatigue, clearly the dead sprint across the moors and fighting from that lake had taken a toll on him. “Sit with me. Sleep.” Thor offered and patted the grass beside him when Loki hesitated. “Come now, I’m better company than the wagon men, surely?”

Loki’s laughter was sudden and birdy, lilted almost manically. “Fine, brother, fine. But sleep cannot be promised.” Slumping to the ground ungracefully, a move that revealed his exhaustion worse than his laughter, Loki sighed. “Gah, you’re miserably persuasive.” He leaned his head back against one of the wagons.

Chuckling, Thor crossed his arms and gazed fondly at his brother. “Methinks thy own body is doing that job well enough. I shall take the compliment, though.”

Eyelids fluttering low, Loki plucked a blade of long grass, twirling it between his fingers clumsily. “You have enough,” he muttered almost too quiet for Thor to hear, a small scowl crossing his face.

Thor chose to ignore it, too tired himself to pick a verbal battle with his brother. Instead, he scooted close and muttered in Loki's ear. “What if I said they told me it was you who ruined my date with that pretty redhead?” It was a topic they'd tread well for the last month, now nearly just a joke he knew would delight.

Barking a surprised laugh, Loki glanced at Thor with half lidded eyes. “I'd say they were delusional. How could I have been when I was in the library, studying?” He drawled, smirking.

Grateful that he'd wiped the scowl away, Thor nevertheless pushed the subject. “I have still seen no proof of that.” Throwing an accusing look at Loki, Thor mock frowned. “I shall find you out, little date ruiner.”

Closing his eyes, Loki kept his smirk. “Good luck.”

Conversation fading into tired silence, Thor alternated watching the moors and the tiny ship Loki wove with blades of grass. Until finally he felt Loki’s weight slump against him and when he turned from the moors he saw his brother's still fingers wrapped around the half finished mast, soundly asleep. Loki's head lolled to lean against Thor.

Slinging a careful arm across his brother's shoulder, Thor watched the slowly lightening horizon, fighting off both the biting chill and the lingering lies of the näkki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to end this one of a less contented note but I just couldn't do it. I'm nothing if not a sucker for happiness, however brief and doomed.


	12. Moonsea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor spoke of some story Volstagg had told him. Of some sea Volstagg had once been to in his earlier years that had been home of some great sea monster. Imagine, Loki, we could say we bested this creature when none else have! The idea was tempting enough for Loki to at least humor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late Teens

In the dark vast fields of grass flew by, just beyond the treeline. The early morning hours blurred together with ease, leaving everything with a timeless feel. Distant firelight from a Vanaheim village tapered away.

Loki leaned against the side of the skiff, head leaning against one propped up arm.  _ Why _ he'd let Thor talk him into the early adventure he knew not. It was pointless, his studies lay unfinished in his quarters and if his tutor found out he'd been neglecting them he'd surely be righteously scolded. That had happened more than enough in the last few months. He had better things to do than study the simple concepts his tutor propped up with false pomp.

Yet, Thor had been so enthusiastic it had been near impossible to say no. He'd spoke of some story Volstagg had told him. Of some sea Volstagg had once been to in his earlier years that had been home of some great sea monster.  _ Imagine, Loki, we could say we bested this creature when none else have!  _ The idea was tempting enough for Loki to at least humor. Though he hadn't expected Thor to drag him out of bed  _ quite _ so painfully early the next morning. If he'd known that he'd have gotten more of his studies done before the night hours. As was, he was left with only a couple hours of sleep. It wasn't a pleasant feeling but usually it was one of his own making.

Glaring up at Thor, their tired but enthusiastic pilot, Loki found his tongue enough to complain. “I could push you off this thing here and no one would know. It would look like an accident.”

Thor laughed. The sound caught in the wind as they flew. “Then you'd have no one to pester. Besides,” he flashed a smug grin, “you'd have to beat me in a fight first.”

“We’ll see.” Scowling halfheartedLy, Loki turned back to the horizon. The faintest hint of light spilled over the dark blue sky, cracking through a smattering of clouds. “How long do you think this shall take? I have things to get to, unlike  _ some _ .”

Thor responded to his jab by rocking the skiff. High as they were in the air, it made Loki nervous though he was sure to show no such thing to Thor. “The Moonsea isn't large once we get there. So the matter of searching for it shouldn't be overly difficult. If we’re lucky perhaps by nightfall.” And after a moment’s hesitation. “Do you know anything about this place, the Moonsea that is.”

For a brief second Loki considered lying and spinning some falsities about the place. But they'd fall apart upon inspection and so it wasn't worth the effort. “I have better things to do with my time than look up some obscure location in the heart of Vanaheim.”

“Like what? Where's the purpose in burying your nose in books all day if you won't use that time to prepare for the truly important things.”

“I think your perception on importance is severely skewed. Perhaps the healers should check your brain for holes,” Loki snipped. At the horizon, pink had begun to flush the sky like blush. No doubt it wouldn't be long until the sun rose above. Not entirely looking forward to that, Loki leaned over the edge of the skiff and stared at the trees below them. Now, as they approached the Moonsea, as Thor named it, water began to find its way in between the trees in some strange swamp, recognizable only by the faint light it reflected. Exhausted, Loki closed his eyes in hopes he could find some few minutes of sleep.

But Thor seemed to live to thwart his wishes. “If we get some scales from this thing I'm sure we could do something useful with them. Maybe mount them in armor or turn them into some fine jewelry for some pretty girl. Or- or whoever.” Loki could practically feel Thor’s eyes on the back of his neck. It was an annoying habit Thor had developed, spun from some misguided sense of support. Mostly it annoyed.“Y’know. I don't care…”

“Yes, I get it, idiot.” Firmly watching the horizon, now painted with yellow and the hints of vibrant orange along with its pink, Loki didn't temper the annoyance in his voice. When Thor didn't respond, Loki glanced back at him. He steered the skiff with a small, hurt frown. When he didn't speak any longer, Loki sighed at the pang of guilt that went through him. “Your ideas are appreciated. I'll take them into consideration.” It was more than slightly annoying to apologize despite not doing anything remotely wrong. It wasn't as if he'd been the one to dance so lightly around the obvious.

Frigga often called Thor's intentions pure or at the least from a place of caring. If that were so he was horrid at it.

The sunrise stretched across the horizon now and while the trees remained dark blobs below and around them light gave more life to the land. At the sunrise’s center Loki saw the clouds dyeing a lush pink while those around them turned shades of faded blue and purple. And looking forward, Loki saw what had to be the Moonsea stretching out before them. Dim light glimmered off the dark, lapping waves.

Pointless as this whole thing was, at least the view was nice. The sentiment was clearly shared by Thor, who sighed with muted awe. They dipped lower in their skiff, so close that Loki could see the reflection of them in the swampy water. He dangled one hand over the side, imagining he could skim the water.

“We might be the first people out here for the day. Imagine if we could wrestle the thing before even the fishermen return to their boats!” Sounding giddy, Thor slowed them as they left the shore behind. The sky lit now in yellows, mixed greens, and pale blues, reflecting off the water. 

“And how do you propose that we start?” As they stopped, Loki pulled off his boots and swung his legs over the side of the skiff. His feet dangled, brushing the water. It was chillingly cold in a way that raced up his body with lightning speed.

Thor dropped to sit beside him. “Not by lounging around doing nothing, to start.”

Scoffing, Loki waved a dismissive hand. “Come on, the sun hasn't even risen yet I think we can take a few moments rest.” Watching the clouds turning yellow, Loki elbowed Thor in the side. “Besides, now is the perfect time for me to drown you and take for home.” Loki smirked and in the growing light he saw Thor gasp with fake hurt.

Though Thor wasn't much good at keeping up the lie, as he grinned moments later. “Good luck. My last point stands about beating me.”

“I don't need luck.”

“Right, because you've got tricks.” Thor's teasing smile faltered just a bit. “Do you ever get tired of how much time you spend lingering about your machinations?”

Startled, Loki pulled a slim grin from his discomfort. “Do you tire of your axe?” He deflected.

Squinting at him, Thor answered easily. “No, but that's different. I--” Sudden, broken caws from above interrupted him. They both looked up as a flock of birds that had to be hundreds strong flew over them, circling and slowly splitting into smaller groups. The cries of the dark birds filled the air, almost painfully loud. When they were gone the world seemed too quiet.

Glancing back to the horizon, Loki blinked at the orange sun, just barely peeking over the waves and lighting them with its reflection. The pair of them watched it as it rose, settling from a deep orange to an unwatchable yellow disk.

When at last they turned away, Loki heard Thor sigh. “I don't want you to regret what you're doing, brother.”

“I never have,” Loki shot back. This was  _ not _ a conversation he had any interest in. Certainly not with Thor who could never,  _ would _ never understand what he spoke of.

Beside him, Thor leapt up and cleared his throat. “Well, suns up. We ready to do this or not?” 

Managing a smile despite his irritation, Loki nodded as he slipped his boots back on. “Always.”

As the sun rose higher into the sky they skimmed the surface of the sea, scanning it slowly. If it did hide any such creatures as Volstagg had described then it was unwilling to divulge them easily. They were soon joined by the odd fisherman, a few of which waved at them from boats. While Thor bothered to greet them at first he quickly fell into an cranky, dour silence as their task stretched on with little end in sight. The lapping waves melded into a hypnotic noise, never faltering in a mindless rhythm of white breaking waves.

Loki let it lull him into a not uncomfortable half-sleep. It was remarkably easy, he guessed the few hours of rest contributed well enough. And the day never seemed to end.

Though Thor's occasional grumbling outbursts did little to help his slumber. “You're going to burn,” Thor muttered at one point, nudging Loki's head with his foot. 

“I'll burn sitting or standing.” Batting away his foot, Loki sat up and squinted past the evening sun at him. “Have you run out of places to look yet or are we still circling the same few areas?” 

“Shut up,” Thor snapped and Loki threw up his hands, just as frustrated. “I-- we need food.” The skiff turned towards one of the fishermen’s boats.

The chance at meal at least offered some respite from the task at hand. Bartering for a meal was easy and the old Vanir seemed amused by their search. “I've been fishing this lake for hundreds of years. Never seen anything like you're describing.”

Loki chanced a glance at Thor to find him quietly seething. Making note to be around when Thor chewed Volstagg out, Loki picked at his roll, wishing it didn't taste so much of fish and that he was in his cool quarters where the sweat didn't stick his hair damp to his neck.

With a laugh the old Vanir eyed their skiff. “Sorry you boys came all the way out here to be disappointed. Have to learn somehow, though, eh?”

_ “And _ I think we should be going,” Loki said hurriedly as Thor clenched his teeth. Grabbing for his wrist, Loki pulled him from the boat with quick thanks. Setting them on a course towards the shore, Loki sighed with relief. All around them he saw the fishermen’s boats turn for shore as night rapidly approached.

But Thor, still fuming, grabbed the controls from him and spun around. They shot towards the center of the lake. “We’re not leaving until we find it!”

“Oh, for the love of- Thor, we cannot stay out here forever!” Wrestling for the controls, Loki rammed his shoulder into Thor's ribcage. He heard Thor grunt and a second later pain exploded across his jaw as Thor's fist connected. Thrown sprawling, Loki caught himself on the edge of the skiff before he could tumble into the water. When he scrambled back up Thor had steered them to the center of the lake. “What in Hel? You heard him! Volstagg led you on a goose chase, fool.”

Thor, who was resolutely staring at the water, scowled. “No, just because one old Vanir hasn't seen it doesn't mean it does not exist.”

“Come on! It's hot, we didn't bring near enough water for the both of us, I'm exhausted! Cut your losses, perhaps we can get back without burning so that Volstagg can't mock you worse.” But that only seemed to aggravate Thor more as he tightened his grip on the steering. The evening sun dipped near to the waves. How many hours they'd spent on this pointless trip he didn't try to count.

“What if,” Thor glanced wildly out across the sea. “You- could you find it with some spell?”

Loki made no attempt to hide his exasperation as he rolled his eyes. “Not without some shred of the creature, if it even exists.”

“It does!” Thor's shouts echoed across the rapidly darkening water, the sunset dipping its orange tendrils below the horizon. At its opposite, twin pale full moons rose and shone bright white. Thor paced, hands twisting at his sides. “It does. It has to. But… but if we can't find it.” He skewered Loki with a sharp look. “You could shift into it. I'll bring you back to Asgard. If Volstagg did trick me then it's only fair-”

“No,” Loki said, putting his foot down. “I want you to think about that logistically for even a  _ single _ second.”

“I am!”

“No you're not! We’re  _ not _ doing that!”

“Is it because you can't?” 

Loki felt himself flush. “I  _ can _ . That's not the point!” 

Clouds obscured the moons, throwing them into darkness. Though that shroud didn't keep Thor's anger back. “Sounds to me like the words of someone who cannot. Or are you too afraid to try?”

“Oh, I'm going to kill you.” Balling his fists, Loki took a step forward. “You drug me all the way out here in the heat without  _ food, _ without any plan-”

Not to be outdone, Thor stepped towards him. “You could have said no!”

Loki laughed in disbelief. The sound echoed harshly across the empty waves. Any fishermen that had shared the lake had long since turned for home. “You're more ignorant than I thought.”

Thor grabbed for his collar but Loki ducked under the blow, jabbing him in the gut. He didn't have a moment of triumph, though, as Thor snatched his arm, twisting it behind his head.

Hissing in pain, Loki’s palm connected with the base of Thor's jaw, jolting him upward and distancing them. The skiff jostled dangerously, one wing dipping towards the sea. “If you tip this thing-” Loki twisted Thor's wrist until it let go of his hair, “I'll--” A punch to the stomach sucked the air from him and knocked him off his feet.

The smooth metal of the skiff slipped between his fingers as he fell.

The water was cold. The kind of cold that shot to his head immediately in a pounding headache and clinched a tight loop around his chest. He gasped a breath, heard Thor cry out, and felt his armor dragging him under. The first mouthful of water was a shock, sharp and crisp, not the salt he’d expected. In the dark water the world seemed to fade away, dim light from above melting away. 

Pulling up against the water’s tug, Loki struggled for the surface, squinting. He saw the twin moons, warped by the water, appear from behind a heavy cloud. The world itself seemed to slow to a stop.

Then the water was lit a brilliant, almost blinding white. Shock quelling his struggle, Loki whipped around, staring at the crystalline sea in wonder. It felt more that he was bathed in light itself than water.  _ Moonsea _ , oh. Only the insistent need for air tugging at his chest reminded him otherwise.

The light stretched on, everything around him bright and warped by the water.

A great shadow slithered under him through the crystal water. Though it was blurred, Loki watched the massive shape coil loosely around him. The serpent’s silverine scales glittering as vibrant as the moon that lit it. Its head swung slowly to face him, eyes like the Bifrost bridge gleamed with intelligence beyond its ken.

The sudden pressure on his ankle forced Loki’s gaze away from the serpent’s eyes. His heart beat harder in his chest when he saw how the thing had constricted around his leg. And he was moving down, slowly, almost too slowly to notice. But his hair floated above him unmistakably. It was pulling him down into its sea.

Scrabbling at the thing’s scales, Loki searched for some weakness. But as he did he felt the scales cut through his hands, sending rivulets of blood into the water and dyeing the white a pinkish red. 

Vision starting to warp as his lungs cried for air, Loki reached for his seidr. It leapt to his touch, a reassuring pressure within him. The water around the serpent began to sizzle with heat and he felt the thing tighten its grip on him. The serpent’s body squeezed down on his chest, rending the last of his air from his lungs. He gasped a mouthful of fresh water before he could stop himself.

Grabbing onto the thing’s scales, despite how they sliced into his hands, Loki released his seidr in a last, desperate attempt to free himself. The silverine body lit green as a pulse of energy ran through it. Loki felt the creature spasm and suddenly they were moving upwards. He gagged and gasp for air as they broke the surface.

A furious shout sounded out over the noise of the serpent and Loki saw an axe come down on the serpent’s width only an instant from his hands. With a high pitched shriek the serpent released him.

Falling back into the water, Loki felt himself go under a wave from the serpent’s plunge. Fighting against the fatigue Loki pulled upwards. When he popped back to the air, hands grabbed his shoulders and hauled him onto a solid surface. “Loki! Can you breath?” Thor’s voice had lost its rage, replaced by worry.

Coughing up a lungful of water, Loki managed to flip himself over and rise onto his knees. The air seemed to scrape down his ravaged throat. “I--” he flinched at the pain the syllable pulled from him. Blood from his stinging hands pooled beneath him, diluted by the seawater. “Idiot!” Spitting the insult, he wiped his hair from his face to glare up at Thor.

Thor had dropped the axe he’d buried into the serpent and was kneeled beside him. He seemed taken aback by the insult. “I saved you!”

“You- you threw me in!”

“Not on purpose!” Thor stood, sounding affronted.

Coughing up nothing but the memory of water in his lungs, Loki couldn’t answer. When the fit subsided he struggled to a stand. Looking around, the entire sea had turned a brilliant white, reflecting the moons above. The ripples from the serpent had disappeared, leaving them floating above what seemed to be a glass plane. Only the distant sound of crashing waves gave the water away.

Thor’s anger didn’t last long when he saw Loki rise. “But, Loki, we found it! The serpent is real!” Grimacing at the blood dripping down his arm, Loki pulled one of the serpent’s silver scales from his hand and made to throw it into the white water but Thor stopped him, grabbing his wrist. “There, there's our proof!”

“One blood tinged scale?” Loki stared at him incredulously. “You jest.”

“It’s more than Volstagg had.”

“Yes,” Loki said dryly. “Because he didn’t have a brother to throw off a boat I’m sure.”

And Thor laughed, over his anger in a way that infinitely irritated. “I suppose. But now that brother he does not have is back on said boat.” He made a grabbing motion at the scale. “Give it.”

Loki stared at the hand for a long moment. “Take it,” he finally spat and dropped the silver scale into Thor’ waiting hand, telling himself it was merely because holding the thing hurt his hands. It sliced a mark on Thor’s hand the same way it had to his and Loki smirked with grim satisfaction.

“Ah, why’d you not tell me it was sharp?” Thor winced at the blood and quickly tore a strip from his tunic to wrap the thing. 

Shrugging, Loki just watched him work.

After a second of hesitation, Thor smiled and thumped him on the back, pocketing the thing and turning their skiff back towards the shore. Loki glared at his back, knowing he wouldn’t turn around to see.

All around them the bone white water glimmered, hiding every deadly secret it sheltered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been a while since I've published one of these though I have so many that are half finished. Maybe I'll be able to find the inspiration to finish some more since I love doing these so much


	13. Almosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are things that could have been averted. But they weren't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Age: Mid/late teens

Grey mist encompassed all of Asgard in a thick blanket, rolling off the waves with warm air. Its presence predated the end of what had been an obnoxiously long winter. And though its existence made any attempt at outdoor reading impossible for fear of ruining parchment, the fog lent an eerie kind of peace to both the streets and Frigga’s gardens. Against the grey backdrop the trees, both those bare and still flush with life, appeared frozen in time.

Stepping around a puddle left over from the downpour of the previous night, Loki watched a droplet collect on the rough edge of a waxy leaf. The old tree, kept alive by Frigga’s magicks, was native to Vanaheim’s swamps. It bloomed heavy flowers of thick crimson in summer but now it was a single monotone green. The bead of water fell and disappeared into the grass and Loki looked up.

Though evidence of her handiwork was before him the queen herself was nowhere to be seen. That alone was strange. Even after the latest of royal affairs, the parties and councils that stretched so late they became early, she was punctual. As a child he’d tried to beat her here and had never managed it, as if she knew his plans.

Realizing he was picking at his hands Loki crossed his arms and sat back against the stone bench that served as their meeting place. She would be here. He was early today after all, earlier than usual. Because-

Because Frigga had acted strange the night before. Her smiles held a bit more sorrow than he was used to. It distressed. Loki was no stranger to _“bouts of melancholy”_ as Frigga called them but he’d never seen her experience them before. And certain conduct typical of meetings with the public, a strategic distance, she’d ignored. More than usual he’d found her eyes on him still wearing that sad look he couldn’t place.

The expression was a near indecipherable one, filled with so much emotion he couldn't identify. It ranged somewhere between guilt and worry. Neither of which he had been able to find a cause of no matter how many times he paced the length of his quarters that night.

And disappointment was easier to identify than the first two, it he saw when he acted out of turn, when he did things he shouldn’t. But he hadn’t done anything to cause it this time. Or so he thought. He had plans of mischief, yes, but none were in action at the moment. And none were the magnitude that would disappoint _her;_ he avoided those when possible. Her disappointment hurt the most, more than any satisfaction successfully pulling a stunt could bring.

There was a knot building in Loki’s chest, one that was hard to breathe against.

Even if he had done something Frigga would still meet with him. She always did.

But what if she didn’t? The thought lingered, unwanted and lecherous. Mother wouldn’t cancel this without telling him, no matter how furious she may be with him. Right?

Maybe if he just knew _why--_

Loki shook his head, trying to dislodge the doubting voice. He rose, uncrossing his arms and swinging them to his sides. The cool mist clung to his clothes, to his hair. It collected on his eyelashes and he blinked the water away, irritated by the feeling. It made his skin crawl, though he guessed the anxiety he felt had a hand in that too. He needed to know. What was it he’d done. What?

The more he thought the more sins he found to tally. But which mattered to Frigga? His greatest failing, that he was not Thor, that one had never mattered to her. Or had it? Had her patience run thin with him lagging behind? Or had his pace at adopting seidr disappointed? Did she regret teaching him her skills? She never had before. She’d never given anything but praise, even her warnings came soft. Yet, regret would explain the dubious guilt he swore he’d seen. But maybe--

He was scratching at his palm again, he realized, scoring stinging lines into his skin. He didn’t remember bringing his hands together but he tore them apart, balling his fists. Nausea crept into his stomach. There was a headache building behind his temple. What had he _done?_

Perhaps Thor had ratted him out on some old trick? The thought popped into his head. Perhaps Thor had broken a promise on something or the other. There were too many to count or even begin sifting through. But Thor was nothing if not true to his word. He was consistent in that, Loki knew. If not Thor…

Maybe the his friends. Sif was Loki’s first guess. Though why she’d go to Frigga over whatever imagined slight, he didn’t know. Sif always argued against him but to bring in Frigga, that was a new low. He could see her doing it though. Still, the question remained; _what?_ What had he done? He needed to know, it couldn't happen again.

The mist cooled his cheeks, a relief since he felt like they were burning. That his source of shame was unknown made the emotion near unbearable. Sighing past the knot in his chest, Loki tipped his head upwards and let the mist fall on his face. For a few moments the feeling left him refreshed, each pooling droplet a point of contention for his brain to focus on other than his crawling skin or the knot in his chest.

But the relief passed quick as it had come. Much as he appreciated his silence the gardens were almost too quiet. They left him nothing to focus on to distract from worries.

He decided that when Frigga arrived, because she would, he’d apologize. Even if he didn’t know why. The prospect annoyed. Why should he have to apologize when he’d done nothing wrong, came an angry thought. But the look on Frigga’s face, he didn’t want to see that even if it meant hurting his pride. He would apologize and Frigga would forgive, she always did. All would be well. He would make it so. Whatever it took.

Resolving himself, Loki waited.

He lost track of time staring out at the grey clouded Asgard. At some point the mist turned to a steady drizzle though still he didn’t move.

Finally, finally footsteps crunched against the gravel and he turned. “Mother-”

Odin and Frigga stood side by side. Loki froze, mouth agape.

Father, he hadn’t expected father. Father never joined their talks. If he was here that meant Loki had miscalculated. What he’d done, whatever that was, stretched beyond Frigga. Was there any making this right with him involved? And still he had not the slightest inkling what he’d done.

In an instant Frigga was at his side, brushing water off his face with a soft hand and wrapping an arm around him. “Loki, how long have you been out here? You’ll catch your death!”

Loki tore his gaze from his father, from the unreadable hardness in Odin’s eyes, to look at her. “I- I don’t know. You were late so I…” His mouth was painfully dry. The apology he’d had readied was stuck in his chest with his pounding heart. Numbly, he realized he was shivering and wondered when that had started.

She drew him in closer. Her hands were warm but Loki watched her face and despite the softness there he saw a certain sadness too. The same sadness from the night before. His chest tightened only further.  “Oh, Loki, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be late.” She hesitated, glancing towards father. “We were speaking and there's something…”

Her hesitation frightened. She was always so sure of herself, so confident and full of grace as a queen should be. He’d never seen her so unsure. And yet…

“What,” Loki managed past his gag of anxiety. He hardly realized that he clung to her arm, his grip must have hurt and so he loosened it though he didn’t want to. Steadying himself he turned to Odin, hoping against hope that he looked something other than petrified. Whatever he’d done he’d face his punishment, unearned as it was. If that punishment could just make things as they were. “What did I--”

Odin broke his silence, stepping towards Loki. “You are our son,” he said, voice sure.

 _Yes but,_ Loki almost said, but he held his tongue. _But what have I done to disappoint you?_ Besides everything he was, the thought finished bitterly.

Odin sighed and the sound carried weight beyond Loki’s reckoning. Then Odin’s hand was on his shoulder, heavy and warm, usually comforting but intimately terrifying, carrying some unknown punishment. Frigga’s arm was around his other shoulder. It had been since he was a young child that the two of them had been this close to him at the same time. “Loki,” Odin began again. He sounded tired, worn, the opposite of the strength Loki knew. “The decision to speak on this is not one we take lightly. But there is something you must know.” Odin’s hand tightened on Loki’s shoulder.

It made Loki's eyes water.

Frigga chimed in. “We hope we are not too late in this.” Her voice was soft as her hand, like a caress that he craved but still so sad it ached.

Surrounded by the two of them, though he stood over Frigga, Loki felt suddenly small. “I’m sorry!” He blurted out of turn, something he realized too late. “I don’t know what- I mean I- I’m sorry. I'll make it up to you, I...” Unable to meet either of their gazes, he stared at his feet. The drizzle ran down his face, into his hair, his eyes. He blinked back the water and the few tears that escaped with it, waiting. The very world seemed to teeter on a precipice.

“Oh,” came Frigga’s soft exclamation. Her hand stroked his damp hair in what would usually be a soothing gesture. “Sweetie, that’s not…”

“No,” Odin said and Loki looked up to see him shaking his head. “No, Loki--”

Loki frowned.

Then there was the clinking of metal and behind Odin came a guard carrying a tightly bound scroll. “My king,” the guard called and Odin pulled away, displeasure clear on his face if just for a moment. The guard bowed, offering the scroll. “A reply has come from Vanaheim on your offer. I was instructed to deliver it directly to you. Their leader stressed urgency.” The guard met Loki’s eye and seemed to realize he’d interrupted something. Still, he held out the scroll.

Wiping the rainwater from his face, Loki straightened and held himself up straight. He bit his tongue to keep from words. He could barely breathe. He’d apologized. What did _no_ mean? What had he done that couldn’t be forgiven? Frigga’s hand was on his back but he barely felt it.

Odin took the scroll after regarding it for a long moment. “I see,” he said diplomatically. Storing the thing under his arm he turned towards Loki. Staring just past him, Loki couldn’t meet his eye. He feared what he’d find there. “We shall… talk about this later. At a better time. This I must attend to with haste.” For a second Odin looked as if he’d say more but instead he simply shook his head.

And with that he left. Frigga stayed at Loki’s side until he was gone.

“Mother, _what-”_ Loki’s voice cracked and he winced. His face was burning, if from embarrassment or some other emotion he couldn’t be sure.

Frigga’s sigh was lingering, tinged with both relief and disappointment. Her hand stroked his back almost absentmindedly. “Oh… Loki.” Her melancholy lasted a few moments longer before she buried it under her familiar soft smile. “Don’t worry yourself too much. There will be another time we can… speak.”

“How can I-” Loki bit his lip, catching himself.

Frigga’s presence wasn’t its usual comfort. “We love you.”

Loki nodded, hardly hearing her. What made them need affirm that? What had he done, why didn’t they just tell him what he’d done wrong? If they would tell him he could swear to change, if just to assure this didn't happen again.

“Please, let’s just sit and talk about something else, hm?” Her smile didn’t waver, nor did her voice. But Loki knew them both to be lies. “I swear to you we’ll find time to speak with your father again. It's important this- this just wasn't the right time.” She was serious, deadly so, something about that terrified. He nodded again, summoning his own false smile. As good as hers, perhaps better. “Good,” she sighed. “Good. Yes, how have your studies been going? Any luck on that spellbook you’ve been decoding?”

It took Loki a long moment to remember what it was she meant. All thoughts of the world outside of this moment, of his failing, whatever it was, had fled from his mind. “I-” he shook his head to clear it. “Some but not enough. The scholars of old hid their knowledge well.” It felt wrong, miming normalcy. Still, he followed her lead.

“Yes,” she smiled again and lit up the grey world. “Yes, they quite did. With the war of the dark elves looming over them they needed to keep their secrets close. But if anyone in Asgard can decipher it, you would be the one.”

The warmth of her praise didn’t reach the knot in Loki’s chest.

Drizzle turned to rain and cut their time short. Loki couldn't even feel disappointed at that. He didn’t see Frigga or Odin the rest of the day. They didn’t come to his quarters as he’d anticipated. And still he didn’t know what he’d done. What _no_ meant.

Thor came to pick him up for the night’s feast when he was late. He knew he was late, he didn't care though he did open the door. Late made a statement, refusing to go endangered more punishment. Thor smiled at him, unaware. “Father told me to come fetch you. Did you lose time working again?” His eyes sparkled with mirth.

Loki matched the smile with some effort and simply nodded, too tired to lie and certainly not telling the truth that he'd spent the day pouring over every single scheme he'd been concocting, every one he had ever concocted, looking for some explanation. He'd come up empty of any explanation except that he'd wronged them in some way personally. That _no_ meant it was unfixable. That he, therefore, was in some way unfixable.

Thor took his silence in stride, gushing about his training that day. “Then I swept at his legs and sent him tumbling into the mud. In front of an entire legion of Einherjar!” He mimed the attack with a _whoosh_ of air. “And then… then.” Thor stopped walking, something Loki didn't realize until Thor's hand was on his arm, tugging him back roughly.

“Hey, ow!” Loki growled, trying to slip Thor's grip. He failed, only managing to likely bruise his own arm. “Have you gone mad?”

Thor's stare was steady, Loki could see him gnawing on the inside of his cheek. “Why are you acting so weird?”

The question was almost laughable, though Loki settled for a smirk that was more of a sneer. “Is that a question you need ask? Am I not always?”

Thor blinked, brow furrowing. “That's not what I meant.”

“Isn't it?” Loki knew he sounded unreasonable. It wasn't Thor's fault he appeared to be the perfect son to Asgard and Loki utterly wrong, but that knowledge made taking his frustration out on Thor all the easier.

They stood there, bristling, for a long handful of moments before Thor threw up his hands. “Fine, forget that I asked.”

“Everyone keeps telling me to _forget,”_ Loki muttered to himself out of Thor's earshot.

Their silence prickled on the air with a palpable weight. And while, when they reached the feast halls, Loki summoned a false smile, Thor kept his stormy frown until long after they sat down. Loki saw Thor's friends poke at him, likely questioning. It took little effort to ignore them.

Instead, Loki watched his parents. Odin was, as always, a presence to behold. He exuded power with ease as he scanned the table, one of his advisors muttering incessantly into his ear. Loki waited for his eye to travel over to where his sons sat. Then Loki could force some acknowledgement, _something._ But when came time Odin’s gaze skipped over them and returned to his advisor.

Loki released the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, his heart sinking. He glanced to Thor, but Thor was oblivious and in the middle of being cheered up.

Picking listlessly at his food, Loki turned towards Frigga. She, at least, would surely give him some notice.

And she did eventually. He caught her eye and she smiled, the kind that crinkled around her eyes. Separated by a few seats, she said nothing, but Loki saw her glance down to his untouched plate. Her smile flickered just for a moment. She hesitated before speaking and though it was too loud to hear he read her lips; _love you. Eat, revel with your friends,_ she paused, shifting her gaze towards Odin for a second or two. _Don't worry,_ she repeated.

Loki had no answer for her.


	14. Naps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Loki,” Thor finally said, sounding exasperated. “How much sleep have you gotten in the last day? And don't lie,” he added after a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Age: Early Teens

Loki jerked awake, batting at what was touching his hair. He slapped Thor's hand away, jumping and sending the book he'd been reading flying to the floor, where it landed with a solid  _ thunk.  _ Loki stared at it blankly.

“You're not usually the one so bored with your studies that you falls asleep on them.” Sitting beside Loki, with his feet propped up on the wooden table that held their assigned readings, Thor toyed with the corner of a scroll. He raised a questioning eyebrow.

Retrieving the book, Loki brushed back the hair Thor had mussed. “I wasn't asleep.” He snapped, flipping to the page he'd been on. The words flowed like liquid, jumbling together into near obscurity until he blinked back his quickly waning focus. He felt like he was battling the tide, destined to lose.

“Oh?” Thor sounded incredulous, his chair creaking as he leaned forward. “So you were just resting your eyes then?”

“Yes.” Resolutely not looking at his brother, Loki denied the exhaustion turning his limbs to lead as he raised the book to block Thor out.

Thor's hand pushed it down easily, forcing Loki to meet his eye. “Resting your eyes and snoring?”

“I don't snore!”

“Sure,” Thor conceded with a shrug. “But you  _ were _ asleep.” Sweeping his legs off the table, Thor grinned. “Just go take a nap, I won't tell.” Thor fell into a theatrical whisper that made Loki roll his eyes.

Ignoring him, Loki returned to the book and they slipped into silence for a time.

Silence that was unfortunately short lived. “You haven't flipped that page in forever, I think you've read it enough,” Thor commented.

“I-” Looking from him to the book, loki realized, reluctantly, that Thor was right. “How long was I staring at it?” Not ready to admit defeat, Loki swapped the book out for another manuscript, hopeful that it would prove an easier task.

Thor made a strangled sort of scoff, as if wavering between amusement and concern. “At least half an hour.” He paused, waiting for some response. Loki did not give one, frustrated that the new book proved just as elusive. “Loki,” Thor finally said, sounding exasperated. “How much sleep have you gotten in the last day? And don't lie,” he added after a moment.

“That doesn't matter.” Loki sidestepped the question as he gave up on reading and pulled a blank scroll towards himself. He reached for his quill only for Thor to snatch it from him. “Hey, thief!” Lunging for the pen, Loki met with Thor's elbow in his chest.

Holding the pen out of reach, Thor frowned at him. Loki realized, too late, that he was being inspected. “Let me rephrase: how long has it been since you've slept, brother?”

“Er…” Abandoning his pen, Loki pushed off of Thor and stared resolutely at the wood grain. He could feel Thor's eyes boring into the side of his head.

_ “Loki.” _ Thor offered a last warning.

Caving, very much not feeling like being tackled to the ground, Loki spoke hastily. “I'm running an experiment! Is that good enough for you?”

It didn't seem to be. “An experiment in what? Exhausting yourself?”

“In less technical terms, I suppose.” Sitting straight against the back of his chair to keep himself from sinking into it, Loki smiled thinly. “I need to test my limits. To see how long I can keep my seidr powerful, or at least functional, without sleep.”

Thor stayed silent for a few seconds, blinking in rapid succession as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.  _ “You- _ Loki, that's the stupidest, most moronic thing I've ever heard.”

“Is it?” Loki ribbed, burned to be insulted. “I doubt it. For example, you've said--” Biting his tongue, Loki flinched as Thor lunged at him. He couldn't stand fast enough to avoid being grabbed by the collar and ended up leaning awkwardly away from his brother, one arm pinned against the table. “Let me go!”

“Only if you promise to go sleep.”

The prospect was inviting, but Loki shook his head. “The experiment isn't done with.” Testing himself, Loki reached for his seidr and found it weak but responsive. He eyed Thor’s sleeve opportunistically.

Thor cocked his head, looking skeptical. “And when will that be?” His grip on Loki's collar was still iron.

Starting to squirm, Loki quietly planned his method of escape, holding tight to a thread of seidr. “Not until I feel I can no longer call on my seidr to assist me.”

“So… until you pass out, then?”

“I wouldn't say…” Loki trailed off.

Sighing, Thor shifted his weight and opened his mouth to speak. In that instant, Loki saw his chance. Touching Thor’s wrist, Loki sent a tingling spark through Thor’s wrist and twisted free. Then Loki kicked him in the shin, feeling only slightly bad when he grunted in pain, and bolted for the door, stumbling as a wave of exhaustion rolled over him, his remaining seidr waning.

“Loki!” Thor roared, indignant.

Loki hit the door with his full weight, hoping to throw it open. It didn't move. There was a cold metal handle digging deep into Loki's protesting side. “Ah,” he sighed lamely and tensed for what was about to happen. 

Thor's hands grabbed his shoulders, throwing him onto the stone floor. Loki felt the throbbing pain from running into the handle joined by a blooming headache as his head snapped back and hit the ground. Thor's weight was on him before he could sit up. “Move your ass!” Loki spat, realizing Thor was all but sitting on him. He glanced around, assuring himself they were alone and that his humiliation was unwitnessed.

Thor shook his head, crossing his arms. “No.”

“Get off of me or I'll stab you,” Loki growled, squirming under his brother's weight.

“With what knife?” Thor’s taunts were painfully smug.

They made Loki fume. Struggling harder, Loki jabbed at Thor's ribs with his fingers and grinned as Thor yelped. “Don't need one.”

To his dismay, Thor didn't bound away, recovering all too fast and pinning Loki's arm underneath his own. “I'm not moving until you sleep.” He sounded frustratingly sincere as he watched Loki squirm.

“Oh, yes, that'll be  _ so _ easy like this.” Loki jerked his head towards the awkward angle his arm was twisted at. “I cannot even manage to sleep when I'm in my bed half the time.” By the way Thor's smile twitched, Loki realized that wasn't the thing to say. “I'm just saying,” he amended hastily, “I won't be able to sleep now. I can never do so during the day.”

Shifting, Thor weakened his grip. “I believe in your abilities.” He smiled down at Loki. “And besides, if you don't, I'll tell mother.”

Blanching, Loki glared up at him. It was all too easy to imagine the lecture in safety he’d endure should Frigga find out. “You wouldn't.” When Thor nodded, Loki looked away. “She wouldn't understand. I  _ need _ to know.”

“She's not the only one. Why in Hel are you doing this? Your explanation is nonsensical. Though I'd expect that from someone who's gone days without a proper moment's sleep.”

Staring at the grey stone floors of their studying alcove, Loki attempted to shrug. He doubted it amounted much to looking more than a squirm, though. “I need to get better. Sometimes that means sacrificing luxuries.”

Thor scoffed. “Sleep is not a luxury.”

“It's the same concept with our battle training! And you understand that just fine.” Trying to make Thor understand, Loki held out his hands, still red with calluses from that morning’s training. He didn’t try to change how resentful he sounded.

Glancing between Loki's hands and his own, no doubt ripe with similar damage, Thor frowned. “That's different. We're being made stronger by that.”

“That's literally what I just- that's what I'm doing!”

“No.” Thor shook his head. “It's not. There are other ways to test yourself rather than torturing your mind and body.”

“I'm not…  _ torturing...” _ Loki protested weakly, crossed his arms and staring up at the high golden ceilings.

“Yes you are.” Shifting, Thor leaned back until he lay crossways on top of Loki's stomach. “Now sleep.”

Squirming under Thor's full weight, Loki let himself sound more breathless than he was. “Thor- you fat oaf, get off of me and maybe I can.”

Putting his hands behind his head, Thor simply closed his eyes. “Sorry. I can't hear you I'm asleep.”

“Ugh!” Attempting once more to free himself, Loki only succeeded in slamming his head against the stone. Fresh pain bloomed. Sighing, Loki gave up, instead staring at the walls of books, resolving to mentally catalogue them by their titles alone. He barely made it one shelf before his mind lagged and wandered.  _ “Thor.” _ He whined, taking the blow to his pride reluctantly. But Thor didn't respond.

Loki stared daggers at the side of his head, contemplating punching him until he responded. But that could only end worse for one on them, and it wouldn’t be Thor, so Loki abandoned the idea and tried to focus on simply not closing his eyes, even letting them lose focus, turning the room to a blur.

The day was warm, but not unpleasantly so, summer heat around the corner, not yet arrived. The warmth soaked into Loki's skin, coaxing him towards slumber. One of the slatted windows shone light onto the table they'd been sitting at. Focusing for just a moment, Loki watched dust drift through the sunbeam. Somewhere beyond that window a bird cried, high and distant. The floor was surprisingly comfortable. Though a rational part of Loki told him that it was, in fact, absolutely not; that he was just desperate. He had to ignore that desperation. Sleeping would ruin his days of work. He glanced down at Thor again, watching Thor's chest rise and fall steadily. Either Thor was genuinely already asleep or fibbing it marvelously.

He reached for his seidr, determined to get Thor off, only for it to slip between his fingers. Frustrated, he slammed a hand against the stone and saw Thor flinch when he did. But still, Thor gave no more indication that he was listening. Hand throbbing, seidr unreachable, Loki sighed in utter defeat.

The rhythm of Thor's breathing caught Loki without him realizing. He felt like he was sinking into the floor, ready to melt into a puddle. Trying to shake it off, loki bit the side of his cheek. The intensity of pain didn't last, though, and so Loki gave up the attempt. He let his head fall to one side, resting on his arm. Perhaps if he just closed his eyes for a few moments, he could come up with some new way to stay awake… 

When Loki opened them again there was a shadow cast across his face and the room was far darker than he remembered it being. He blinked groggily up at their tutor, who was scolding them. Thor was struggling to his feet, hair matted. Loki tried to orient himself, rubbing sleep from his eyes. Thor's hand entered his vision and he took it, pulled to a stand as their tutor kept speaking words that sounded incoherent to him.

By the time Loki returned fully to consciousness, their tutor was ushering them out of the room. “I'm very disappointed,” he said, finally making sense. “I expect better from the both of you in the future.”

Thor nodded and Loki followed suit, they stayed apologetic until their tutor closed the door to the study and left them alone. Then Thor turned to Loki, grinning. “See, don't you feel better now?”

Loki opened his mouth to lie but closed it after a second's hesitation and smiled back, too tired to be mad that Thor had won.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I definitely didn't write this while trying to nap myself, in the process remembering why I can't ever nap in the first place. Also with infinity war so close I needed something not stressful to write so I can take a break from worrying.


	15. Allergies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Each year Loki’s sulking worsened like clockwork, turning Thor’s brother into little more than a shadow at the best of times.

Each year Loki’s sulking worsened like clockwork, turning Thor’s brother into little more than a shadow at the best of times. And while those who didn’t know him could only guess at the reasoning Thor knew the truth all too well. It was the end of summer, as the pollen of Asgard’s trees filled the air and carried across the wind. And with them they brought Loki low, miserable in all the most commonplace yet acutely affecting ways and they did so far worse than they ever did to Thor himself.

Such pains drove Loki from his usual haunts, leaving him even more difficult a specter to find than usual. Still, Thor knew his hiding spots better than anyone.

Down in the depths of the palace, where the air was stale and old, just before places forbidden to them there stood ancient barracks, long gone unused, built for times when war was imminent. It was there Thor searched, for Loki was needed. He found the first traces of Loki in the lit torches that lined the scuffed stone walls and, emboldened by that, followed them.

What he saw of Loki first were sparks of spells woven from an alcove in the wall. Thor made no attempt to hide his annoyance as he came upon his brother lounging. “It took me near two hours to find you.”

Loki snapped shut the book he held, beginnings of a spell fading into the air, and looked up at Thor, unsurprised by his presence. “Then I should hope you have a good reason for wasting your own time.” His hoarse voice betrayed him.

Frowning, Thor watched Loki sniffle. “Practicing things you shouldn’t be?” 

With false innocence, Loki feigned insult. “Me? I would never do such a thing.” 

“Of course not.” Thor smiled, knowing full well otherwise. “How are you feeling?”

As always, acting displeased with such attentions, Loki quickly scowled, his humor fading. “I’ve never felt better.”

“I can tell.” Loki’s narrowed eyes had a certain glass to them, as if they were always on the verge of spilling over. Each breath belied a stuffy nose.

Clearly unamused, Loki made to snap a retort but ended up in a coughing fit instead. When he recovered he returned immediately to that haughtiness. “So you’ve just come to mock me then? How generous.” His voice was dry.

Rolling his eyes, Thor offered a hand to help Loki up, which Loki took despite his complaints. “You’ve caught me, that’s why I’m here.” At his sarcasm Loki’s scowl twitched. “No. I’ve actually come to help you, believe it or not.”

Loki was immediately defensive, as Thor had expected. “Who said I needed any help?” Which was followed promptly by another fit of coughing.

Thor rubbed a hand across his back until he regained his composure, though did let Loki see his smug smile. To which, upon viewing, Loki immediately jerked away from him. “Clearly you’re thriving down here in the pits. Maybe I should just leave.”

Quick as a whip, Loki reversed his course back to Thor. “Wait.” His eyes darted covertly, as if he were worried someone was watching his weakness even down here. Thor didn’t dare comment. “What is it you think will help?”

“I’m thrilled you asked.” Finally dropping his sarcasm now that Loki had given in, Thor brightened. “You know how Hogun was suffering the same ailments as you?”

“No.” The reply was quick and harsh.

Thor blinked. In his excitement he’d simply assumed Loki had been enjoying their friend’s company as of late, forgetting Loki’s predilection for only doing so when Thor was nearby. “Er. It doesn’t matter.” Quickly recovering, Thor returned to his optimism, denying Loki’s dark look. “He has been. At least, up until recently. Now he seems his normal self, unburdened by the symptoms you two share.”

Loki looked unimpressed.

But Thor pressed on, undeterred. “Realizing this I had to ask him how he kicked his misery.”

“I don’t need the entire preamble; simply tell me how he’s so cured, if he truly is.”

Briefly pursing his lips, Thor reluctantly complied, already knowing a simple explanation would do nothing to endear Loki to the idea. “A healer found him a concoction that—”

“I’m not going to the healers.” Loki cut him off, scowling deeper than ever. “I have no interest in submitting myself to them, you should know that.” For a moment he sounded hurt, as if Thor, not him, was being the unreasonable one for not thinking of his irrational distaste for the healing arts. To make his point, Loki gathered his things and took off walking, leaving Thor standing there.;

As Loki stalked down the hall Thor followed after him. “Loki! Reconsider. You’re being unreasonable.”

“I am not!” Not slowing for him to catch up, Loki snapped back. “I survive this every year, I have no need to submit myself to their inspections.” He shivered at the thought.

Catching Loki by the shoulder and spinning him around, Thor forced his brother to look at him. “But you could do more than survive. And your ways of what are what? Lounging a hot bath? And that will fix it for how long? An hour? Less?”

Pushing him off, Loki sniffed, something Thor guessed was supposed to sound haughty but mostly just revealed again the unseen pressure Loki was suffering through. “I’m—” Loki paused for a long moment, suddenly turning distant, before whipping his head to sneeze into his arm. When he looked at Thor his eyes were watering. “I’m fine.”

“Obviously.”

Scoffing, Loki kept up his angry pace as they began to rise from the ancient depths of the castle, the air warming to the heat of a late summer afternoon. Thor heard Loki sigh, exhausting with his situation clear, if just for a moment. “Whatever Hogun has gone through does not mean his irritants are mine. He’s from Vanaheim, for one instance. Naturally Asgard will not agree with him in times like these.”

Keeping pace with Loki, Thor nodded. “And you are Asgard’s son, like me.”

“Yet you are unaffected.” Loki grimaced, antagonized by the thought.

“This year.” Thor was quick to amend and remind Loki of the past. “There are worse years where I feel these irritants too.”

Loki shrugged. “And in those years I’m practically bedridden. Struck down by our invisible assailants.”

Biting his tongue to keep from chastising Loki for the dramatization, Thor nodded. Despite his theatrics Loki was right in what he said. He was affected worse, there was no doubting that. “I am merely offering that perhaps you needn’t be. You could at least  _ try  _ Hogun’s miracle brew. I could likely convince Hogun to give some to you if you’re so dead set against submitting yourself to the healers.”

That piqued Loki’s interest, though any curiosity was immediately drowned under pessimism. “I doubt your friends would much appreciate giving me charitable donations. And don’t call it a  _ miracle brew, _ that sounds ridiculous.”

Thor frowned, irritated. “They’re your friends too. Friends help each other, Loki.”

Loki didn’t answer that, though his dourness suffocated.

Despite being deeply vexed by Loki’s bullheadedness, Thor didn’t break away from him until Loki sulked back to his own room. Loki paused there, hesitating on the threshold, not looking at Thor. For a long silent moment he seemed like he wanted to say something but the words would not come.

Sighing, Thor took a step away from him. “If you ever do want my help I would be happy to lend it to you.”

Freezing up for a moment, Loki broke his silence with a quick nod. “I know.” He briefly met Thor’s eye. “Maybe… if you could steal away just a bit of this salve Hogun has- perhaps I could find a more proper concoction that could actually be useful.”

Twitching a smile, Thor nodded. “Prideful to assume you could craft something better than a healer.”

Loki’s own smile was thin. “I suppose it is. But then again when have you known me to be anything but?”

“Oh, never, brother.”   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first thing I've published all summer and its complaining about allergies


End file.
